Connect with us

Lifestyle

'I wanted to buy her time': A mother looks back on her daughter's terminal cancer

Published

on

'I wanted to buy her time': A mother looks back on her daughter's terminal cancer

Sarah Wildman and Orli, photographed in early summer 2021. Orli was finishing a second round of chemotherapy after her liver cancer had metastasized when she was asked to participate in a project chronicling the beauty of baldness.

Abby Greenawalt/Sarah Wildman


hide caption

toggle caption

Advertisement

Abby Greenawalt/Sarah Wildman

In 2019, Sarah Wildman’s daughter, Orli, was just 10 when she was diagnosed with hepatoblastoma, a rare form a liver cancer. Over the next few years, Wildman chronicled Orli’s illness for The New York Times, where she is a staff writer and editor for the Opinion section.

Wildman’s articles detailed Orli’s bout with several rounds of chemo, a liver transplant, two brain surgeries and a tumor that pinched her spine, leaving her unable to walk. Orli died in March 2023, at the age of 14.

“I thought I understood pain, but she was facing a kind of pain I realized I really had never encountered,” Wildman says. “She would sometimes ask me, ‘What do you think I did to deserve this?’ And of course, that’s not an answerable question.”

Advertisement

Wildman also wrote about the expert medical care Orli received — and the unwillingness of some doctors and nurses to speak openly and realistically about what she was facing. Wildman believes the medical establishment tends to view the death of a child as a failure. As a result, she says, “there is a reluctance to face the idea that medicine has limits. … Children’s hospitals really are always advertising that they will cure children.”

Wildman says that Orli’s illness and death made her question her own Jewish faith: “I had to redefine what God meant to me. It couldn’t be waking up and saying a prayer in the morning or praying for something specific. … I had to really see it in the divinity of people who went out of their way to help us and that weren’t afraid of us.”

Orli would have turned 16 on Jan. 13. To mark the occasion, Wildman and her younger daughter, Hana, spent the weekend doing things that they thought Orli would have enjoyed doing.

“I think one of the really difficult things about facing a parent who has lost a child … is that you cannot make it better. There is no betterment of this,” she says. “What’s easier, though, is when people aren’t afraid of mentioning her name or reminding me of a story or telling me something I didn’t know that she’d told them or that she’d done for them.”

Interview highlights

On interviewing Orli on Instagram

Advertisement

I wanted people to see what it meant to be a kid in cancer care, a really articulate kid, a kid who was really grappling with it and thinking about it and considering it, especially at a time in the mid-pandemic where people were weary of lockdown, really feeling quite sorry for themselves. And what Orli does in that interview, in addition to sort of winning over everyone who watches it, is to sort of realign the way people are thinking about their own sadness, their own sense of isolation, and to show how she was so joyful even during extremely hard experiences.

On the questions Orli and her sister Hana asked that Wildman struggled to answer

At one point we had a very severe experience where Orli ended up in the ICU in Hawaii. We were on a Make-A-Wish trip. It was brutal and terrifying. And Hana said, “Do you think God doesn’t love us?” The kinds of questions that they asked during this really showed my hand, if you will. I was not able to really offer a concrete answer to any of these things. I would say I don’t think that there is a God that is that activist in this way — because there is so much pain around the world and we are experiencing this. But I don’t think it’s about God not loving us. You have to see divinity in the people who are helping us. I would try to turn it into thinking, “How can we see good in the situation?” But sometimes I was really stymied.

On parenting a child with a terminal illness

It really challenged parenting. … I didn’t know how to discipline in this space when all the rules seemed to have been thrown out the window. I didn’t know how to put limits on things. How do you put limits on phone use when you have so little outside interaction? How do you say you have to really focus on algebra when you don’t know actually if any of it will matter? It’s really difficult. And I once said to her, “Well, isn’t it good that we have so much time together, we really get to bond?” And she said, “This is the time I’m supposed to be breaking away from you.” She was hilarious and cynical and tenacious and would often really try to push the boundaries of permissibility when she could.

Advertisement
Orli (third from left) poses with her parents and sister Hana on her 13th, birthday in 2022.

Orli (third from left) poses with her parents and sister Hana on her 13th birthday in 2022.

Miranda Chadwick/Sarah Wildman


hide caption

toggle caption

Miranda Chadwick/Sarah Wildman

Advertisement

On maintaining hope and optimism throughout Orli’s treatment

I think hope can be a form of denial. It can also be a motivating force. It can mean that you do seek out treatments that do give you days, months, maybe even years. I think that the hope is essential because cancer care is grueling. It can be demoralizing to face the consequences of cancer care. It can be the cancer care that itself comes with pain. It comes with nausea. It comes with hair loss. I can come with all sorts of indignities. …

It was brutal because she really tried to live each moment in such an enormous way. She really, really loved living and she would try to make life different in the hospital. I mean, she made every single nurse do TikTok dances with her. She would make the music therapists sing Lizzo and Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift, and she would play Taylor Swift and Lizzo in every operating room. And she had many, many surgeries. She would force people again and again to see her not as a patient, but as a person.

I wanted to give her everything. I wanted to buy her time.

Advertisement

Monique Nazareth and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

Lifestyle

What worked — and what didn’t — in the ‘Stranger Things’ finale

Published

on

What worked — and what didn’t — in the ‘Stranger Things’ finale

Sadie Sink as Max Mayfield.

Netflix


hide caption

toggle caption

Advertisement

Netflix

Yes, there are spoilers ahead for the final episode of Stranger Things

On New Year’s Eve, the very popular Netflix show Stranger Things came to an end after five seasons and almost 10 years. With actors who started as tweens now in their 20s, it was probably inevitable that the tale of a bunch of kids who fought monsters would wind down. In the two-plus-hour finale, there was a lot of preparation, then there was a final battle, and then there was a roughly 40-minute epilogue catching up with our heroes 18 months later. And how well did it all work? Let’s talk about it.

Worked: The final battle

The strongest part of the finale was the battle itself, set in the Abyss, in which the crew battled Vecna, who was inside the Mind Flayer, which is, roughly speaking, a giant spider. This meant that inside, Eleven could go one-on-one with Vecna (also known as Henry, or One, or Mr. Whatsit) while outside, her friends used their flamethrowers and guns and flares and slingshots and whatnot to take down the Mind Flayer. (You could tell that Nancy was going to be the badass of the fight as soon as you saw not only her big gun, but also her hair, which strongly evoked Ripley in the Alien movies.) And of course, Joyce took off Vecna’s head with an axe while everybody remembered all the people Vecna has killed who they cared about. Pretty good fight!

Advertisement

Did not work: Too much talking before the fight

As the group prepared to fight Vecna, we watched one scene where the music swelled as Hopper poured out his feelings to Eleven about how she deserved to live and shouldn’t sacrifice herself. Roughly 15 minutes later, the music swelled for a very similarly blocked and shot scene in which Eleven poured out her feelings to Hopper about why she wanted to sacrifice herself. Generally, two monologues are less interesting than a conversation would be. Elsewhere, Jonathan and Steve had a talk that didn’t add much, and Will and Mike had a talk that didn’t add much (after Will’s coming-out scene in the previous episode), both while preparing to fight a giant monster. It’s not that there’s a right or wrong length for a finale like this, but telling us things we already know tends to slow down the action for no reason. Not every dynamic needed a button on it.

Worked: Dungeons & Dragons bringing the group together

It was perhaps inevitable that we would end with a game of D&D, just as we began. But now, these kids are feeling the distance between who they are now and who they were when they used to play together. The fact that they still enjoy each other’s company so much, even when there are no world-shattering stakes, is what makes them seem the most at peace, more than a celebratory graduation. And passing the game off to Holly and her friends, including the now-included Derek, was a very nice touch.

Charlie Heaton as Jonathan Byers, Natalia Dyer as Nancy Wheeler, Maya Hawke as Robin Buckley, and Joe Keery as Steve Harrington holding up drinks to toast.

Charlie Heaton as Jonathan Byers, Natalia Dyer as Nancy Wheeler, Maya Hawke as Robin Buckley, and Joe Keery as Steve Harrington.

Netflix


hide caption

Advertisement

toggle caption

Netflix

Did not work: Dr. Kay, played by Linda Hamilton

It seemed very exciting that Stranger Things was going to have Linda Hamilton, actual ’80s action icon, on hand this season playing Dr. Kay, the evil military scientist who wanted to capture and kill Eleven at any cost. But she got very little to do, and the resolution to her story was baffling. After the final battle, after the Upside Down is destroyed, she believes Eleven to be dead. But … then what happened? She let them all call taxis home, including Hopper, who killed a whole bunch of soldiers? Including all the kids who now know all about her and everything she did? All the kids who ventured into the Abyss are going to be left alone? Perfect logic is certainly not anybody’s expectation, but when you end a sequence with your entire group of heroes at the mercy of a band of violent goons, it would be nice to say something about how they ended up not at the mercy of said goons.

Worked: Needle drops

Listen, it’s not easy to get one Prince song for your show, let alone two: “Purple Rain” and “When Doves Cry.” When the Duffer Brothers say they needed something epic, and these songs feel epic, they are not wrong. There continues to be a heft to the Purple Rain album that helps to lend some heft to a story like this, particularly given the period setting. “Landslide” was a little cheesy as the lead-in to the epilogue, but … the epilogue was honestly pretty cheesy, so perhaps that’s appropriate.

Advertisement

Did not work: The non-ending

As to whether Eleven really died or is really just backpacking in a foreign country where no one can find her, the Duffer Brothers, who created the show, have been very clear that the ending is left up to you. You can think she’s dead, or you can think she’s alive; they have intentionally not given the answer. It’s possible to write ambiguous endings that work really well, but this one felt like a cop-out, an attempt to have it both ways. There’s also a real danger in expanding characters’ supernatural powers to the point where they can make anything seem like anything, so maybe much of what you saw never happened. After all, if you don’t know that did happen, how much else might not have happened?

This piece also appears in NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour newsletter. Sign up for the newsletter so you don’t miss the next one, plus get weekly recommendations about what’s making us happy.

Listen to Pop Culture Happy Hour on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Continue Reading

Lifestyle

The Best of BoF 2025: Conglomerates, Controversy and Consolidation

Published

on

The Best of BoF 2025: Conglomerates, Controversy and Consolidation
The beauty industry’s M&A machine roared back into action in 2025, with no shortage of blockbuster sales and surprise consolidation. It was also a year with no shortage of flashpoint moments or controversial characters, reflecting the wider fractious social media and political climate.
Continue Reading

Lifestyle

Sunday Puzzle: P-A-R-T-Y words and names

Published

on

Sunday Puzzle: P-A-R-T-Y words and names

On-air challenge

Today I’ve brought a game of ‘Categories’ based on the word “party.” For each category I give, you tell me something in it starting with each of the letters, P-A-R-T-Y.  For example, if the category were “Four-Letter Boys’ Names” you might say Paul, Adam, Ross, Tony, and Yuri. Any answer that works is OK, and you can give answers in any order.

1. Colors

2. Major League Baseball Teams

3. Foreign Rivers

Advertisement

4. Foods for a Thanksgiving Meal

Last week’s challenge

I was at a library. On the shelf was a volume whose spine said “OUT TO SEA.” When I opened the volume, I found the contents has nothing to do with sailing or the sea in any sense. It wasn’t a book of fiction either. What was in the volume?

Challenge answer

It was a volume of an encyclopedia with entries from OUT- to SEA-.

Winner

Mark Karp of Marlboro Township, N.J.

This week’s challenge

This week’s challenge comes from Joseph Young, of St. Cloud, Minn. Think of a two-syllable word in four letters. Add two letters in front and one letter behind to make a one-syllable word in seven letters. What words are these?

Advertisement

If you know the answer to the challenge, submit it below by Wednesday, December 31 at 3 p.m. ET. Listeners whose answers are selected win a chance to play the on-air puzzle.

Continue Reading

Trending