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Melody Beattie, Author of a Self-Help Best Seller, Dies at 76

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Melody Beattie, Author of a Self-Help Best Seller, Dies at 76

Melody Beattie, whose experiences as a drug addict, a chemical dependency counselor and the wife of an alcoholic informed a best-selling book about codependence that has guided countless people to shed toxic relationships, died on Feb. 27 in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles. She was 76.

Her daughter, Nichole Beattie, said the cause was heart failure. She had been hospitalized from Nov. 30 to Dec. 12, then evacuated from her home in Malibu because of a wildfire and moved into her daughter’s home, where she died.

By popularizing the concept of codependence, Ms. Beattie (pronounced BEE-tee) became a literary star in the self-help world with “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” (1986), which has sold more than seven million copies worldwide.

“You could call her the mother of the self-help genre,” said Nicole Dewey, the publishing director of Spiegel & Grau, which has sold more than 400,000 copies of the book since taking over publication in 2022.

Trysh Travis, the author of “The Language of the Heart: A Cultural History of the Recovery Movement From Alcoholics Anonymous to Oprah Winfrey” (2009), said in an interview that “Codependent No More” has succeeded because of Ms. Beattie’s common-sense approach and “vernacular charm.”

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She added: “There had been other books and pamphlets published in the recovery space in the early 1980s. Melody made the same arguments, but her voice came across very clearly. It wasn’t clinical — and she had a set of ideas that could be applied to many if not all the problems one was having — and it hit the market at the right time.”

In “Codependent No More,” Ms. Beattie cited various definitions of a codependent person. She also introduced one of her own.

“A codependent person,” she wrote, “is one who has let another person’s behavior affect them and who is obsessed with controlling that other person’s behavior.”

The other person, she wrote, might be a family member, a lover, a client or a best friend. But the focus of codependency “lies in ourselves, in the ways we let other people’s behaviors affect us and in the ways we try to affect them” — by actions that include controlling them, obsessively helping them and caretaking.

Recalling her difficult marriage to her second husband, David Beattie, who was also a substance abuse counselor, Ms. Beattie described an incident when he was in Las Vegas. She telephoned him in his hotel room, and he sounded as if he had been drinking. She implored him not to break his promise to her that he would not get drunk on this trip. He hung up on her.

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In desperation, she called the hotel repeatedly into the night, even as she was preparing to host a party for 80 people at their house in Minneapolis the next day.

“I thought if I can just talk to him, I can make him stop drinking,” she told The Minneapolis Star Tribune in 1988. But at 11 p.m., she stopped calling.

“Something happened inside of me, and I let go of him,” she said. “I thought, ‘If you want to drink, drink. …’ I gave his life back to him, and I started taking my own back.”

She said that was the first step in detaching herself from their mutual codependence. They eventually divorced.

Detachment, she wrote, “is not a cold, hostile withdrawal” or a “Pollyannish, ignorant bliss”; rather, it is releasing “a person or problem in love.”

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When should the release happen? she asked. Her list was long. It started: “When we can’t stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we have to do something about someone because we can’t stand it another minute. …”

Melody Lynn Vaillancourt was born on May 26, 1948, in Ramsey, Minn., and grew up mainly in St. Paul. Her father, Jean, a firefighter, was an alcoholic who left the family when Melody was 2. Her mother, Izetta (Lee) Vaillancourt, owned a nursing home after her divorce, but, Ms. Beattie said, beat her four siblings. (She escaped the punishment herself, she said, because she had a heart condition.)

Melody was sexually molested by a stranger when she was 5; began drinking whiskey at 12; and started using amphetamines, barbiturates, LSD and marijuana in high school. By 20, she was shooting heroin. She also robbed pharmacies with a partner and, after being arrested, spent eight months in drug treatment in a state hospital.

After being successfully treated, she held secretarial jobs before being hired as a chemical dependency counselor in Minneapolis, assigned to treat the wives of men in treatment. Her patients were uniformly angry and focused so much on their husbands’ feelings that she found it nearly impossible to get them to express their own.

“Eight years later, I understood those codependents, those crazy codependents — we didn’t call them that, we called them significant others — because I had become one” through her marriage to Mr. Beattie, she told The Star Tribune. “All I could think and talk about was the alcoholic, what he was or wasn’t doing.” She was, she said, “filled with anger and anger because he wouldn’t stop drinking.”

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While treating the women, living on welfare and writing freelance articles for a local paper, The Stillwater Gazette, she interviewed experts on codependence, hoping to write a book on the subject.

She received a $500 advance from the publishing division of the Hazelden Foundation substance abuse recovery center, now called the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. The book was published in 1986 and spent 129 weeks on The New York Times’s advice and how-to best-seller list.

Ms. Beattie went on to write several other books, including “The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency” (1990), which has sold more than three million copies.

Writing in Newsweek in 2009, Dr. Drew Pinsky, the addiction medicine specialist and media personality, named “Codependent No More” one of the four best self-help books of all time. Ms. Beattie heavily revised it for a new edition that was published in 2022.

In addition to her daughter, Ms. Beattie is survived by two grandsons; a sister, Michelle Vaillancourt; and a son, John Thurik, from her first marriage, to Steven Thurik, which ended in divorce. John was raised by his father and maternal grandmother.

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Her marriages to Scott Mengshol and Dallas Taylor, who played drums with Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, also ended in divorce.

Her son Shane Beattie died in a skiing accident in 1991 when he was 12, plunging her into grief. She wrote “The Lessons of Love: Rediscovering Our Passion for Life When It All Seems Too Hard to Take” (1995) — a personal book, not a self-help guide — to describe her journey from a broken spirit to recovery.

Her first step was to write two letters, one of which said:

“God, I’m still mad, not pleased at all. But with this letter, I commit unconditionally to life, to being here and being alive as long as I’m here, whether that’s another 10 days or another 30 years. Regardless of any other human being and their presence in my life, and regardless of events that may come to pass. This commitment is between me, life, and you.”

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Brain Health Challenge: Doctor Appointments for Your Mind and Body

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Brain Health Challenge: Doctor Appointments for Your Mind and Body

Congratulations, you’ve reached the final day of the Brain Health Challenge! Today, we’re asking you to do a few things that might feel a bit out of left field — like getting your blood pressure checked.

No, it isn’t as fun as playing Pips, but experts say it’s one of the most important things you can do for your brain. That’s because heart health and brain health are intrinsically linked.

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High blood pressure, in particular, can damage brain cells, and it’s a significant risk factor for stroke and dementia. When blood pressure is too high, it places stress on the walls of arteries in the brain. Over time, that added stress can cause the blood vessel walls to thicken, obstructing blood flow. In other cases, the increased pressure causes the artery walls to thin and leak blood into the brain.

These changes to the blood vessels can sometimes cause a large stroke to occur. More commonly, the damage leads to micro-strokes and micro-hemorrhages, which cause fewer immediate problems and often go unnoticed. But if someone has hypertension for years or decades, these injuries can build up, and the person may start to experience cognitive impairment.

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High blood pressure “is known as a silent killer for lots of reasons,” said Dr. Shyam Prabhakaran, the chair of neurology at the University of Chicago. “It doesn’t cause you any symptoms until it does.”

Because the damage accumulates over many years, experts say that managing blood pressure in midlife matters most for brain health. Hypertension can be addressed with medication or lifestyle changes, as directed by your doctor. But the first thing you need to do is know your numbers. If your blood pressure comes back higher than 120/80, it’s important to take it seriously, Dr. Prabhakaran said.

While you’re at it, there are a few other aspects of your physical health that you should check on.

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Your eyes and ears are two of them. Hearing and vision loss have both been shown to increase the risk of dementia. Experts think that with less sensory information coming in to stimulate the brain, the regions that process hearing and vision can start to atrophy. What’s more, people with sensory loss often withdraw or are left out of social interactions, further depriving them of cognitive stimulation.

Oral health can also affect your brain health. Research has found a connection between regular flossing and reduced odds of having a stroke. That may be because good oral health can help to reduce inflammation in the body. The bacteria that cause gum disease have also been tied to an increased risk of Alzheimer’s.

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And have you gotten your shingles vaccine? There is mounting evidence that it’s a powerful weapon for protecting against dementia. One study found that it lowered people’s odds of developing the condition by as much as 20 percent.

To wrap up this challenge, we want you to schedule a few medical appointments that benefit your brain, as well as your body.

After five days of feeding, exercising and challenging your brain, you are well on your way to better cognitive health. Thanks for joining me this week, and keep up the good habits!

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Health experts react as Andrew Huberman backs Trump admin’s new food pyramid

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Health experts react as Andrew Huberman backs Trump admin’s new food pyramid

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The Trump administration has taken a new approach to the food pyramid.

The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) announced new guidelines on Wednesday with an updated, inverted pyramid. The top of the pyramid, which is now the wider part of the structure, is built on meat, fats, fruits and vegetables, while whole grains are at the narrow bottom.

This follows HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s mission to “Make America Healthy Again” (MAHA), aimed at addressing chronic disease, childhood illnesses and ultraprocessed foods.

DOCTORS WARN SOME POPULAR FOODS AND DRINKS COULD BE SECRETLY SABOTAGING MEN’S TESTOSTERONE LEVELS

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“The new guidelines recognize that whole, nutrient-dense food is the most effective path to better health and lower health care costs,” Kennedy said during a press briefing in Washington, D.C. 

“Protein and healthy fats are essential, and were wrongly discouraged in prior dietary guidelines. We are ending the war on saturated fats.”

The Trump administration announces the 2025-2030 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, putting “real food” back at the center of health. (realfood.gov)

The HHS secretary rallied against refined carbohydrates, food additives and added sugar, highlighting the health risks associated with sugar-sweetened beverages. 

Kennedy’s main message to Americans was to “eat real food.”

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TRUMP ADMIN’S NEW NUTRITION GUIDELINES TARGET ULTRA-PROCESSED FOODS, EASE UP ON RED MEAT AND SATURATED FATS

The announcement triggered reactions from top health and wellness voices, including Stanford neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman, host of the “Huberman Lab” podcast.

In a post on X, Huberman shared the White House’s graphic of the new pyramid, praising the decisions that were made.

“Oatmeal (and I think that’s rice and sourdough) made the cut!” he commented. “In all seriousness, assuming overall calories are kept in check and people exercise & get sun(day)light, this looks spot on.”

He added, “Maybe up the veggies a bit, add low-sugar fermented foods like sauerkraut & this is great.”

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Huberman said in a thread on the same post that Americans “don’t have to eat all the foods” shown in the diagram.

“You won’t see me drinking milk or eating shrimp,” he said. “Nothing against shrimp, I just don’t like the taste. Aversion to crustaceans.”

“Maybe up the veggies a bit, add low-sugar fermented foods like sauerkraut & this is great,” Huberman commented on X. (Chance Yeh/Getty Images for HubSpot; iStock)

The new guidelines received praise from other major health figures, including former FDA commissioner Dr. David Kessler.

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“There should be broad agreement that eating more whole foods and reducing highly processed carbohydrates is a major advance in how we approach diet and health,” Kessler told The Associated Press.

“Protein and healthy fats are essential, and were wrongly discouraged in prior dietary guidelines.”

Dr. Bobby Mukkamala, president of the American Medical Association, shared in a statement that these guidelines “affirm that food is medicine and offer clear direction patients and physicians can use to improve health.”

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“The American Medical Association applauds the Administration’s new Dietary Guidelines for spotlighting the highly processed foods, sugar-sweetened beverages and excess sodium that fuel heart disease, diabetes, obesity and other chronic illnesses,” Mukkamala wrote.

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The American Medical Association applauded the HHS for its updated nutrition guidelines. (iStock)

But not all feedback was positive.

Some people expressed concern about prioritizing red meat and dairy, while calling for the limitation of saturated fat.

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Neal Barnard, president of the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, shared in a reaction to STAT that while the guidelines “do have one or two good points, emphasizing fruits and vegetables and limiting alcohol,” the guidelines are “for the most part a strong reflection of industry influence.”

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Christopher Gardner, a nutrition expert at Stanford University, also spoke out against the new guidelines, as reported by NPR.

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“I’m very disappointed in the new pyramid that features red meat and saturated fat sources at the very top, as if that’s something to prioritize. It does go against decades and decades of evidence and research,” said Gardner, who was a member of the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee.

Fox News Digital’s Rachel Wolf, as well as Alexandria Hoff of Fox News, contributed reporting.

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Matt Damon’s Gluten-Free Diet Helped Him Lose 18 Pounds

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Matt Damon’s Gluten-Free Diet Helped Him Lose 18 Pounds


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Matt Damon’s Weight Loss: Actor Drops 18 Lbs with This Diet | Woman’s World




















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