My Mother-in-Law Got One Look at Our City Apartment and Lost Her Mind

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena and Elizabeth here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My wife and I live in a studio apartment in a high-cost city. We are lucky it is rent-controlled otherwise we would be priced out of the area.

It does have a closet, which is a rarity. We are expecting a baby this summer and decided to invite my mother-in-law to help DIY the nursery (which is the closet). My mother-in-law is a sweet lady, but she has never left her home state until now.

She was appalled at how little our living space was and insisted that we “needed” every bit of random baby crap available—and has since started sending it via Amazon. My wife and I have been returning them and it has sparked a rift with my in-laws. Both my sisters-in-law have been berating my wife for hurting their mother’s feelings. Both of them have kids with playrooms bigger than our apartment and are drowning in plastic junk. We usually agree to let each other handle our own families, but my wife has been reduced to tears over this mess. I am honestly ready to play bad dad and just ban my in-laws from anything to do with our baby until they back off. Any advice?

—Drowning in Junk

Dear Drowning in Junk,

I hear you, no one wants to be drowning in junk, especially in a small space. I called in Courtney Morgan, licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of Counseling Unconditionally, to help.

Morgan suggests you allow yourself time to process what’s going on before you cut them off on anything baby-related. They’re excited and it sounds like they have good intentions, they just need to be redirected in a more productive direction. “I recommend validating their desire to help and support you and your wife, AND sharing ways that they may offer that support in a way that is conducive to your space,” Morgan said. I’d consult your wife before having q conversation with your mother-in-law as she might be the better person to relay this message to her family. But during that talk, you both should make it clear what will happen if they continue to send unneeded baby items.

Morgan suggests the following as a script: “Hi mother-in-law! We received your most recent Amazon gift. Unfortunately, we made the decision to return the item due to a lack of space in our apartment. We really appreciate your efforts in supporting us. Rather than sending physical gifts, we ask that you provide support when our baby arrives by helping us when we’re home from the hospital. Our space is not conducive to storing the gifts we’ve received. We will be returning gifts that we receive in the future. We sincerely appreciate your excitement for our baby!” Good luck.

—Athena

Classic Prudie

Overall I would consider myself a very easygoing person for someone who is soon to be married, especially given the uncertainty of planning through a pandemic. But today, one of my sisters decided to dye her hair orange. And by orange, I mean badly done, fake, and garish orange.