Review: ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’ is not a bargain at any price

The brand new “Cheaper by the Dozen” feels much less like a function than a prolonged sitcom pilot. It’s an assembly-line product scrubbed clear of character.

That is supposedly the third movie iteration of the 1948 semiautobiographical novel of the identical identify, although it has nothing to do with earlier variations aside from regarding an unusually massive household. The names, occupations, interval, ethnicities — even the variety of kids — all have modified (right here “Dozen” apparently refers to 10 youngsters plus two adults, although there are kind of 4 adults, and that kills the title joke … no matter). This can be a blended household with two saintly dad and mom (Zach Braff as Paul and Gabrielle Union as Zoey) operating a diner the place many of the youngsters work.

Brace your self for copious mugging, each beat at a pitch. The aggressive perkiness is exhausting. Maybe it’s all appropriately engineered for its target market, whomever which may be.

What actually saps any hope of likability is that it’s truly not about household or parenting and even the children, and positively not the extraordinary, every-day challenges of elevating such a big brood. The home is eerily clear and quiet for holding 10 kids. Whereas monetary struggles are instantaneously cured by a deus ex machina, the emotional toll of such a frightening job is hardly acknowledged. And the inside lives of the children are barely explored. They’re props, kind of. Emotional fact is sacrificed on the altar of manufactured laffs, with two fs.

There’s an unappealing storyline about Paul being insecure about Zoey’s NFL-superstar ex. That’s abruptly shelved, changed by the conflict-generating widget of the enterprise taking off and Paul devoting extra time to it. For no thought-out cause, Paul declines to incorporate Zoey in primary discussions, regardless of her advertising diploma.

“Thanks for being so common and relatable, Paul,” spoken by one of many youngsters, is among the few humorous traces, however it’s additionally apropos on a meta stage: Paul appears to have been focus-grouped into the statistically common, nonthreatening, nice-guy mannequin.

Braff and Union are interesting performers with honed comedian timing; Braff’s supply and bodily comedy are nonetheless there and Union is enjoyable to look at. However there’s no chemistry — seemingly by design. Most likely limbo-ing beneath some clinically examined stage of attractive thought, with no visceral attraction allowed. There’s one second by which they ponder getting it on, however it’s rapidly torpedoed by all these ain’t-they-cute youngsters piling on their mattress.

The movie manages a number of crumbs of social commentary, as when Zoey tells her younger Black youngsters they’ll’t take their toy weapons out of the home, instantly adopted by photos of white youngsters doing simply that. However that’s not explored and even defined for individuals who would possibly want to listen to that that’s a factor.

As all the time, June Diane Raphael steals scenes, this time as a “Karen”-type neighbor. However whereas the movie’s theme is purportedly “household über alles,” it additionally incorporates materialistic messages, not calling out conduct equivalent to the children receiving items from Dad after a protracted absence, then operating out as a substitute of connecting with him.

With this “Cheaper,” it’s purchaser beware.