“Argylle” is Death by Mystery Boxes (Movie Review)

“Argylle,” promoted as a creation from the ‘twisted mind’ of writer/director Matthew Vaughn, is set has hit theaters this weekend. However, despite Vaughn’s previous successes with blockbusters like “X-Men: First Class” and “Kingsman: The Secret Service,” the film is being characterized as less cohesive and more indicative of his bloated, uninhibited, and excessively self-indulgent tendencies in the later stages of his career. Critics suggest that the movie deviates from Vaughn’s earlier well-constructed and satisfying films, showcasing convoluted storytelling and a departure from previous successes.

In a bygone era, Vaughn crafted tight and thrillingly well-constructed films that left audiences satisfied. However, over his last three films, there has been a noticeable shift toward absurdly convoluted storytelling. “Argylle,” in particular, is criticized for being nearly indecipherable at times, burdened by ever-contradicting twists. Vaughn’s inclination towards a gaudy, digitally-altered visual aesthetic has also intensified, with both “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” and “Argylle” opting for green screen work that fails to create a convincing impression of reality. Additionally, his recent attempts at franchise expansion, including a post-credit scene in “Argylle” and setting up Adolf Hitler as a franchise big-bad in “The King’s Man,” have been deemed classless and in poor taste. “Argylle” is seen as the culmination of Vaughn’s ambitions, showcasing his worst tendencies and resulting in a film that is an absolute slog to endure.

TOP FIVE THINGS ABOUT “ARGYLLE”

5. The Cast

“Argylle” boasts an A-list cast that delivers commendable performances, showcasing both talent and a sense of enjoyment in their roles. Noteworthy mentions include Henry Cavill for successfully pulling off a distinctive haircut, Sam Rockwell for effortlessly embodying an endearing everyman spy, and Bryce Dallas Howard for earnestly selling even the most outrageously ridiculous aspects of the movie.

The cast exhibits strong chemistry at different junctures, leaving one yearning for a scenario where Vaughn allows these characters to truly shine without overshadowing them. Unfortunately, as it currently stands, “Argylle” provides only fleeting glimpses of the potential brilliance that could have been.

4. Weak Spot: The Action

Matthew Vaughn received acclaim for the action sequences in the first “Kingsman” film a decade ago. The action was praised for its wild and raucous nature, combined with visual clarity and balletic choreography. This was particularly noteworthy during a time when many American action films were adopting the fast-cutting style of Paul Greengrass’ “Bourne” sequels, resulting in incoherent messes.

Regrettably, I watched “Argylle” with a heavy heart and much dismay as its action setpieces fell into many of the same traps that Matthew Vaughn deliberately avoided earlier in his career. Numerous sequences in “Argylle” suffer from staging, editing, and camera movement issues, making them feel messy and lacking in impact. Despite having about half a dozen action sequences, with the exception of a memorable ice-skating bit towards the end, I would struggle to recall a single beat of the action. The visuals are rendered into complete mush.

3. Weak Spot: The Needle Drops

The action sequences in “Argylle” are further confounded by the film’s musical choices. While Lorne Balfe’s score is not the issue, it’s Matthew Vaughn’s frequent and gratuitous use of needle drops that becomes mind-numbing. Every single action sequence features an attempt at an anachronistic needle drop, and it quickly grows old. It seems like Vaughn aimed to draw a connection between these action sequences and musical dance sequences, but the end result feels cheap and haphazard. The songs don’t feel truly integrated into the work but are rather hastily pasted over the top.

Every action sequence in “Argylle” features a gratuitous attempt at an anachronistic needle-drop, and it quickly becomes tiresome. It seems like Vaughn tried to establish a connection between these action sequences and musical dance sequences in the editing bay, but the result feels cheap and haphazard. The songs don’t feel genuinely integrated into the work; instead, they are hastily pasted over the top.

The most egregious example of these musical choices is the use of The Beatles’ ‘new’ song, ‘Now and Then,’ which plays no less than three times throughout “Argylle” and never once gives even the vaguest impression of feeling like it belongs.

2. Weak Spot: The Twists

What makes a good twist?

With Vaughn’s recent bad takes in the press on “Star Wars,” let’s take a look at twists through the lens of a galaxy far, far away. The big ‘I am your father’ twist of “Empire Strikes Back” works because of the ways in which it completely uproots all of the audience’s and Luke’s understandings. The dividing lines of good and evil have been so thoroughly etched into stone up until this point, and suddenly, Vader’s revelation thrusts the entirety of the story into brand new territory, narratively and thematically.

Compare this to any of the dozen twists in “Argylle,” none of which have any impact whatsoever. The film throws twist after twist at its audience without ever taking the time to establish any kind of norm in the first place firmly. The result is that none of the twists feel shocking because we don’t care about these characters or even begin to understand their motivations, world, or stakes. So, instead of ground-shaking twists that fundamentally recontextualize our perception of the story, it all just feels like babbling, incoherent nonsense.

1. Weak Spot: Numbingly Empty

The cumulative effect of all of these things is that “Argylle” is just fucking boring to sit through. It’s an absolute drag of a film, which is an insane thing to say about a movie this ludicrously over-the-top, but it’s true. By the time the film got to its biggest setpieces, they just washed over me because I was already so thoroughly unmoored by its baffling decisions at every turn. There’s a lot of stuff happening in “Argylle,” but it so rarely feels like anything of any substance is happening at all.

With its many twists, the movie practically conditions its audience to not believe anything it shows you. When paired with its already vapid, surface-level storytelling and grotesquely underbaked visual stylings, it makes for a film that just leaves one entirely numb.

(D+)

By the time “Argylle” arrives at its absolutely eye-roll-inducing tie-in post-credit bit, it’s nigh impossible not to feel like Matthew Vaughn has gotten so lost in his own echo chamber of lunacy that the once vital filmmaker has been diminished to little more than a bad joke.

Vaughn has made quintessential works, and I absolutely believe that he can again. But so long as he’s content to deliver absolute drivel like this and proudly hang his ‘twisted mind’ hat on it, that won’t happen.