LET IT BE KNOWN that Relationship Goals (now streaming on Amazon Prime Video) is less of a romantic comedy than it is an act of synergistic corporate-religious shamelessness. Ostensibly, it’s a lightweight love-hate Valentine’s Day-themed banterfest between musicians-turned-actors Kelly Rowland (of Destiny’s Child) and Cliff “Method Man” Smith (of the Wu-Tang Clan). But that’s a flimsy tissue-paper cover for The Truth Of The Matter: It’s a 93-minute promotional tool for Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex, a faith-based self-help tome by nondenominational Christian megachurch pastor Michael Todd, and a book that the movie’s dialogue tells us can be purchased at a certain online retailer that just so happens to be producing this movie. Michael Todd, who’s prominently featured in the story, and is depicted so glowingly, the movie barely stops shy of slapping wings and a halo on him. Michael Todd, who once went viral for coughing up a loogie and wiping it on his brother’s face during a sermon, to prove a point about faith. Gross, yes – and almost as gross as this advertisement trying to pass itself off as a movie.

The Gist: “Today is the day!” declares Leah Caldwell (Rowland) as she emerges from refreshing slumber. She works as a producer at Better Day USA, a network morning show in the GMA vein, and she’s in line to be promoted to showrunner. Total slamdunk. No questions. It’s just waiting for her once her boss (Matt Walsh) finally retires. IF ONLY, RIGHT? Here’s the wrench in the works: The invisible, nameless, faceless Higher-Ups – honest-to-gum deities or just corporate boardroom chair-moisteners? We can’t be sure! – have dictated the need for competition for the position, so in comes nighttime TV vet Jarrett Roy (Smith) to nudge our protag. He’s nudged her before, too – Jarrett is her ex, and she dumped him for cheating like a dog. You’ve got to be kidding me. Leah’s rightfully flaming pissed, and her besties, makeup gal Treese (Annie Gonzalez) and show anchor Brenda (Robin Thede), support her by listening and puffing her up and insisting that “God has a plan.”

But Leah doesn’t go full atheist. Oh no. She digs in, more determined than ever. In a pitch meeting for Valentine’s Day segments, her idea gets shot down. But Jarrett’s gets greenlit, and here’s where the movie gets really icky: Do a story fluffing up Michael Todd, a megachurch pastor and author played by real-life megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd, who’s introduced as a “YouTube sensation,” although nobody mentions the viral loogie incident. Specifically, the piece will transparently promo- er, that is, delve into megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals, which Jarrett says changed his life. It chased that dawg right out of him, and now he’s a new and improved man. O RLY is the look on Leah’s face, which squinches up even more when the boss dictates she and Jarrett team up to work on the story, which requires a trip to Tulsa where Brenda will interview megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd, and a visit to his church, which is also the church from real life, and we therefore get to see the church’s logo many times over, but understand the urgency with which we should immediately experience his mindblowing sermons (or, in lieu of that, consume his products).

Some boilerplate romcom stuff happens – Brenda can’t get her longtime basketball player boyfriend to propose, Treese goes on too many dud first dates, Jarrett and Leah get stuck in a car together traveling cross-country and encountering sassy waitresses at podunk diners – but the real narrative emphasis is on how megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals can solve all the characters’ problems. Granted, these are simplistic situations and megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals offers simplistic solutions, but one assumes there’s so much more to megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals that you should probably order it right now from a prominent online retailer so you can live your bestest life forever and ever, and by the way, here’s the cover of the book in a couple dozen scenes so you know what it looks like. Meanwhile, said prominent online retailer wouldn’t mind if you also ordered a bunch of other products from it, including a variety of snack foods and small kitchen appliances whose logos are prominently featured in nice, clean, perfectly focused closeup shots. Helluva movie you’ve got here!

What Movies Will It Remind You Of? Think Like a Man and What to Expect When You’re Expecting became lousy movies too, but they weren’t so egregiously promotional. In the meantime, I’ll very impatiently wait for the movie Peacock Presents Flo From Progressive Insurance Insists You Should Bundle And Save On Home And Auto. 

Performance Worth Watching: I’ve heard it’s tough to play yourself in a movie, but megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd proves just how easy it is to play himself in an infomercial.

Sex And Skin: Megachurch pastor and au- OK, I’ll stop already. Anyway. The guy who wants you to buy his book says he’ll inform you how to “win at sex” – whatever the hell that means – although the movie never shows us or even talks about it. I call hypocrisy!

Our Take: I’d say Relationship Goals is as subtle as a fart in church, but in this case, Michael Todd’s mega-decibel rock-concert presentation would drown out even the most elephantine flatulence. And once we see Michael Todd spew his catchphrase-laden spiel – “You can’t Facebook faithfulness or Instagram integrity” couldn’t possibly be whipped cream coiled atop a steaming-hot cup of snake oil, could it? – for a Better Day USA interview, and witness his EARTHSHAKING sermon buffered by billowing clouds from the smoke machine, even the most hardcore agnostic will be coughing up a loogie of a prayer to save them from this junk. 

I will hereby curb my cynicism for self-help philosophies and products under the assumption that some folks are empowered by them, whether it’s from motivational types like Michael Todd, Brene Brown or Matt Foley. You do you. We’re all doing our best to get through the day whether we’re reading the bible, speaking affirmations into the mirror or blasting Slayer while on the stationary bike. But this quasi-movie is pathetic in its attempt to paper over an advertisement with romcom tropes: quasi-clever banter, cutesy girl-bonding dance sequences, the love/hate dynamic between the leads, etc. And even without the relentless promotional considerations, the movie shows no interest in anything but featherweight cliches.

Granted, there’s no room for narrative innovation when you have content to push, be it via printed materials, live events or YouTube videos. Relationship Goals – the movie, not the book, although they blur together so thoroughly you’d think someone purchased a multi-speed immersion blender from a certain online retailer to guarantee a smooth mixture – features the Better Day USA segment on Michael Todd multiple times, with people in lobbies and offices stopping what they’re doing to watch, instantly converted, wide-eyed and nodding in agreement. Leah, forever steadfast in her dislike of her cheatin’ ex Jarrett, might even be swayed by the Power Of Michael Todd’s Word. Like I said, shameless. I’d be lying if the movie never made me laugh, however – there’s a moment where Leah and Jarrett high-five over having made a “well-rounded story” about our man-of-the-hour subject here, and one assumes if it wasn’t the luminous glow-up we see, it would’ve been a straight-up hardcore blowjob video. 

Our Call: Um. No. SKIP IT.

John Serba is a freelance film critic from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Werner Herzog hugged him once.

Shaboozey has responded to the backlash over remarks he made at the 2026 Grammy Awards.

In a statement posted on the social media site X Monday, the country singer-songwriter said he wanted to “acknowledge the conversation” spurred by his heartfelt speech after his historic Grammy win for country duo/group performance.

After sharing that his mother, who he said worked “three to four jobs just to provide for [him] and [his] four siblings as an immigrant in this country,” had just retired from a 30-year career as a registered nurse, Shaboozey dedicated his awards to all immigrants Sunday.

While many praised his remarks for uplifting of immigrant communities at a time when they are increasingly being targeted by the federal government, others felt the musician had overlooked the history and experiences of Native Americans and Black Americans by not mentioning them. Native Americans were forcibly removed from their lands in the development of this nation and enslaved people were brought to America involuntarily.

“To be clear, I know and believe that we — Black people, have also built this country,” Shaboozey wrote in his statement. “My words were never intended to dismiss that truth. I am both a Black man and the son of Nigerian immigrants and in the overwhelming moment of winning my first Grammy my focus was on honoring the sacrifices my parents made by coming to this country to give me and my siblings opportunities they never had.”

The “Amen” singer also acknowledged that winning his Grammy on “the first day of Black History Month and becoming the first Black man to win Best Country Duo is Black history.”

“It stands on the foundation laid by generations of Black people who fought, sacrificed, and succeeded long before me,” Shaboozey’s statement continued. “This moment belongs to all of us.”

On the Grammys stage Sunday, Shaboozey had concluded his speech by expressing his appreciation of and support to all immigrant communities.

“Immigrants built this country, literally,” he said. “So this is for them. For all children of immigrants. This is also for those who came to this country in search of better opportunity, to be part of a nation that promised freedom for all, and equal opportunity to everyone willing to work for it. Thank you for bringing your culture, your music, your stories and your traditions here. You give America color, I love y’all so much.”

He was just one of many Grammy-winning artists who directly or indirectly addressed the current political climate regarding federal immigration raids in Minnesota, where two protesters have been killed by federal officers, and in other states including California. Bad Bunny, Billie Eilish and Kehlani were among the others who spoke out.

It didn’t used to be this way, but thanks to the magic of streaming you can now pause anything at any time and pick up on fun little details. I don’t recommend you watch Prime Video’s “Relationship Goals” — at all — but if you do, I recommend you pause it towards the end. There’s a scene where Kelly Rowland, playing a TV executive with a long list of demands for her romantic partners, looks at a multi-page printout of her green flags. It’s full of unreasonable requirements, like having a 401K (in this economy), but also very reasonable demands, like well-groomed nose hair. Not “no” nose hair. Apparently she likes nose hair. She just needs it well-groomed. Fair enough.

In a halfway decent universe, this could have been the only interesting thing about “Relationship Goals,” a conventional, boring, forgettable romantic comedy if ever I’ve seen one. But we don’t live in a halfway decent universe. We live in one where this conventional, boring, forgettable romantic comedy isn’t even a romantic comedy. It’s a shameless promotion for a book about relationship advice, released on a streaming service that also happens to sell the book. It even features lines like, “This story hit so hard I Amazoned a copy of ‘Relationship Goals’ right away.”

If you haven’t heard of it, “Relationship Goals” is a book by Pastor Michael Todd which, if this movie is any indication, is full of mind-blowing romantic self-help tips like, if you’re not dating people you like, try dating different people, or maybe just try being single for a while. And hey, that’s not bad advice, it’s just really obvious advice. Then again it also compares people who date a lot, without a specific relationship goal, to chicken nuggets, because nobody wants to eat chicken nuggets if everyone’s touched them first. I’d like to think the book is more thoughtful and less condescending than that, but I remind you that this is a feature-length commercial for that book, and this is how they’re selling it. So maybe not?

“Relationship Goals” stars Kelly Rowland as Leah, a TV producer on a hit morning news show. She expects a big promotion after her boss retires but, surprise-surprise, the network wants her to compete with a new hire, Jarrett (Cliff “Method Man” Smith), who just happens to be the ex-boyfriend who cheated on her years ago. They’re assigned to work on a Valentine’s Day segment together — yes, together, as if that could possibly prove one is more qualified than the other — and it’s about the book “Relationship Goals,” which Jarrett says changed his life. Unlike Jarrett, Leah doesn’t want to make a puff piece commercial, which is the funniest thing about this “comedy” because that’s obviously all this is. All of it.

“Relationship Goals” runs through all the romantic comedy rhythms without ever settling on a beat. Rowland and Smith are likable performers but their banter is strained, and the film can’t settle on a structure that forces them to interact. Early in the movie they get trapped in Oklahoma, so they have to drive six hours to another airport to get back to the studio. You’d think that would be a decent framework for a rom-com. It’s familiar, but tried-and-true. Instead, we just get one brief interaction in a car, one forced gag about diner food and then they’re back home. The film set up a bit and then abandoned anything resembling a bit. Again, this is supposed to be a romantic comedy. We’re literally here for the bits. More bits, please. Why did you abandon the bits?

There’s a supporting cast in “Relationship Goals,” including a best friend who’s single and desperate (Annie Gonzalez) and another best friend who’s in a long-term relationship with no marriage prospects (Robin Thede). They exist to have problems that are easily solved by the book “Relationship Goals,” because the protagonists can’t get together until the end, and by itself that wouldn’t make it look like “Relationship Goals” has quick-fix solutions to all your romantic needs. And this movie really wants you to think it’s the perfect quick-fix.

But those characters also exist because “Relationship Goals” is following the template set forth by “Think Like a Man,” another rom-com based on and explicitly about a real-life romantic advice book. “Think Like a Man” was also a shameless commercial but it did, at least, try to be a very good commercial. “Think Like a Man” had a variety of romantic subplots that it sold with a great cast, solid dialogue and some cinematic oomph. “Relationship Goals” isn’t trying to convince us it’s a real film, it’s only doing the book commercial part. Which means it’s not even a good book commercial.

If you look back at Leah’s list of romantic requirements you’ll notice that one of them is “Enjoys film.” She tears these pages up, by the way, presumably because by that point Leah — and the movie itself — has long since given up on the concept of cinema. “Relationship Goals” isn’t as insulting as Prime Video’s “War of the Worlds,” in which the planet was literally saved by two Amazon purchases and the wonder of flying Amazon drones, but then very few films are, so that’s not a useful comparison. It’s enough that this film is insulting, unconvincing, unfunny, unromantic, and, worst of all, at least to the Amazon executives, it doesn’t even make you want to buy the damn book.