Culture
Jared Allen: The Minnesota Vikings great aiming for an Olympics Curling spot
Ever hear the one about the daredevil plasterer who lit an Olympic flame in a four-time first-team All-Pro defensive end?
Jared Allen roars at the mention of Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards, the face of the 1988 Winter Games and embodiment of Pierre de Coubertin’s mantra. The beaming, bespectacled British ski jumper finished last in the 70m and 90m events in Calgary but won hearts and minds the world over.
After 136 sacks in 12 NFL seasons, a happily retired Allen and an old friend watched the feelgood 2016 biopic that celebrates the life and times of Michael David Edwards. It had consequences.
“Yeah! Eddie the Eagle! Great movie,” Allen tells The Athletic on the telephone from Nashville. “That’s what inspired me to make a bet with my buddy to try to make the Olympics!
“Eddie the Eagle had to work his butt off to qualify and become a ski jumper, which was the inspirational side of it. But the point I loved about it was like, ‘Oh, yeah, I just need to go find a sport that’s not on the books that we don’t really do well at and go join that’,” says Allen, bursting into laughter.
And what of the bet?
Allen said he was inspired by Eddie The Eagle (Mike Powell/Allsport via Getty Images)
“The number was pointless. My buddy threw a number out. I was like, ‘Sure, whatever’. Yes, it was over beers… It’s more just a gentleman’s bet. But nobody wants to welch on a bet! I don’t want to have to tell him he was right — I want him to have to eat crow and tell me that I was right!”
So Allen got to work. In 2018, he formed the All-Pro Curling Team with three former NFL players — quarterback Marc Bulger, linebacker Keith Bulluck and offensive tackle Michael Roos — and set his sights on Beijing.
“I started off as skip, no one had curled ever — we were four football players. Life took off and I ended up joining some other teams. I had no ego, so I ended up playing lead and playing pretty good at lead and sweeping pretty good. So that’s kind of where I found my spot. I really like playing second — I think second is a fun position. But wherever they tell me they need me is where I’ll fit in.”
While he didn’t make the 2022 Games, Allen has had some minor miracles on ice.
“I beat (John) Shuster two years ago at the nationals in Denver, we beat a team last year that were top 30 in the world, we had some success over in Switzerland and Canada, I’ve got to play some really tough teams, and it’s been a fun deal.”
But brace yourselves. Just as the Milan-Cortina Winter Games loom into view, here comes the plot twist.
“I’ll probably not play this year,” Allen, 42, says. “My team kind of broke up. One guy in my team retired. Another guy has moved on. And then I actually got invited to play with Korey Dropkin as his alternate this year, but USA Curling and the USOPC put the kibosh on it, saying I didn’t have a good enough curling resume.
“Their exact words. We won nationals and all the trials, but they have replaced me as the alternate.
“And then they changed our rules — we used to have a two-year point run-up for Olympic trial qualification and now they’re taking the top three point-earners for the year based on their year to date, and then they’re doing a one tournament play-in.”
Does that mean that the Olympic dream is… over?
Allen playing in London (Michael Steele/Getty Images)
“No! No! I’ve still got time. I still love curling, I’m still gonna practise, we’ll figure it out,” Allen says. “A lot of people aren’t playing this year. Unless you can go to the Slams, Shuster, Dropkin, and (Danny) Casper pretty much already have the top three spots locked up.
“Everybody is like, ‘Why are we going to travel, waste our time on these tournaments that mean nothing for us over the next year and a half?’. So everybody’s trying to just practise for the next year, put a team together for The Challenger and try to win the play-in.”
Should Allen win his wager, it would represent another tale to tell for one of the NFL’s biggest personalities of the 21st century.
Drafted by Kansas City in 2004, Allen was traded to Minnesota four years later as the then highest-paid defensive player.
The 2009 Vikings are one of the NFL’s great nearly teams, with quarterback Brett Favre steering them to the NFC Championship in the Superdome. There, they were beaten by themselves (six fumbles, three lost, two interceptions and 12 men in the huddle in the fourth quarter to knock them out of field goal range) and the New Orleans Saints, who were later punished for the Bountygate scandal.
“If we beat the Saints and we go out and win the Super Bowl, our 2009 season arguably goes down as one of the best seasons in NFL history,” Allen says. “Unfortunately, we didn’t make it to the Super Bowl because we lost that controversial game.”
Allen headed to the Chicago Bears in 2014 and was traded to the Carolina Panthers in September 2015 for a last hurrah. The 15-1 Panthers almost went all the way, losing Super Bowl 50 against the Denver Broncos.
“It was a blast. It’s one of those surreal moments. I tell people it was my least productive statistical year of my career — I was dealing with injury and all sorts of stuff — but it was the most successful of my career because the goal is to get the Super Bowl.”
Allen after setting the Vikings franchise single-season sack record (Adam Bettcher/Getty Images)
Allen’s is a career worthy of Canton (he has been a finalist for the past four years). He led the league twice in sacks (2007 and 2011), the second seeing a tally of 22, making Michael Strahan sweat about losing his all-time record (22.5).
The highlight reel moments are many. They include his one-handed sack of Eli Manning and the tete-a-tete with Donald Penn. And then there’s his contribution to one of the most infamous plays in NFL history. You know the one.
It was 2008 and while playing for the winless Detroit Lions, quarterback Dan Orlovsky stepped out of bounds in the Metrodome for a safety. Orlovsky — now a stellar ESPN analyst — can look back and laugh. Allen is chuckling at it still.
“I wish he wouldn’t have ran out the back — I could have actually hit him! It was my sack. I was actually laughing because Kevin Williams had like four sacks that game, so I was trying to catch up to him. He was pissed. We were in a tight sack race that year. I got a cheapo. I got a freebie!
“To my credit, I did whoop the tight end. I was wide open! Could have throttled him. It was a good job they called a safety,” Allen says.
Johnny Knoxville was not so lucky. As the wider public embraced Allen with his signature mullet and everyman appeal, in 2010 he was invited to California to film a segment called The Blindside for Jackass 3.
“That was a fun deal. Knoxville is a great guy — I still talk to Johnny. I actually found out later I separated his sternum when I tackled him from behind.
“We filmed the run where he catches the ball over the middle a few times. He’s like, ‘Man, come on!’ Like, well, if you want to see what I actually do, let’s drop back for a pass and I’ll hit you from behind. So we did that. There was only one take on that one!”
Allen, who returns to England for the first time since the Vikings beat Pittsburgh at Wembley in 2013, will be inducted into the London Ring of Honor during Sunday’s game between the New York Jets and Minnesota.
He likes what he has seen so far this season from his former team.
“They’re aggressive. What’s most impressive is they are getting what they need to get out of their new acquisitions, who are already making massive impacts. That’s what you like to see when you pick up free agents.
“Hats off to the coaching staff for getting the players that fit their system and creating a system and an environment that they can be successful in.”
And he may well come face-to-face with a familiar foe. It will be almost exactly 15 years ago to the day that Favre and the Vikings beat the Packers on Monday Night Football. Allen had a career-high 4.5 sacks against Aaron Rodgers in a raucous Metrodome. “That was a great day,” he says. “Goodness. Time flies. Whenever I see Aaron it’s very cordial!”
But first, he wants to find some decent grub. “My wife and kids are coming, so I want to show them some of the sights. I want to find some good pubs, have a couple of pints and some bangers and mash.”
Who knows, perhaps he’ll bump into Eddie the Eagle.
(Top photo: David Berding/Getty Images)
Whatever you do, don’t think of a bird.
Now: What kind of bird are you not thinking about? A pigeon? A bald eagle? Something more poetic, like a skylark or a nightingale? In any case, would you say that this bird you aren’t thinking about is real?
Before you answer, read this poem, which is quite literally about not thinking of a bird.
Human consciousness is full of riddles. Neuroscientists, philosophers and dorm-room stoners argue continually about what it is and whether it even exists. For Wallace Stevens, the experience of having a mind was a perpetual source of wonder, puzzlement and delight — perfectly ordinary and utterly transcendent at the same time. He explored the mysteries and pleasures of consciousness in countless poems over the course of his long poetic career. It was arguably his great theme.
Stevens was born in 1879 and published his first book, “Harmonium,” in 1923, making him something of a late bloomer among American modernists. For much of his adult life, he worked as an executive for the Hartford Accident and Indemnity Company, rising to the rank of vice president. He viewed insurance less as a day job to support his poetry than as a parallel vocation. He pursued both activities with quiet diligence, spending his days at the office and composing poems in his head as he walked to and from work.
As a young man, Stevens dreamed of traveling to Europe, though he never crossed the Atlantic. In middle age he made regular trips to Florida, and his poems are frequently infused with ideas of Paris and Rome and memories of Key West. Others partake of the stringent beauty of New England. But the landscapes he explores, wintry or tropical, provincial or cosmopolitan, are above all mental landscapes, created by and in the imagination.
Are those worlds real?
Let’s return to the palm tree and its avian inhabitant, in that tranquil Key West sunset of the mind.
Until then, we find consolation in fangles.
When the director Rob Reiner cast his leads in the 1986 film “Stand by Me,” he looked for young actors who were as close as possible to the personalities of the four children they’d be playing. There was the wise beyond his years kid from a rough family (River Phoenix), the slightly dim worrywart (Jerry O’Connell), the cutup with a temper (Corey Feldman) and the sensitive, bookish boy.
Wil Wheaton was perfect for that last one, Gordie Lachance, a doe-eyed child who is ignored by his family in favor of his late older brother. Now, 40 years later, he’s traveling the country to attend anniversary screenings of the film, alongside O’Connell and Feldman, which has thrown him back into the turmoil that he felt as an adolescent.
Wheaton has channeled those emotions and his on-set memories into his latest project: narrating a new audiobook version of “The Body,” the 1982 Stephen King novella on which the film was based.
A few years ago, Wheaton started to float the idea of returning to the story that gave him his big break — that of a quartet of boys in 1959 Oregon, in their last days before high school, setting out to find a classmate’s dead body. “I’ve been telling the story of ‘Stand By Me’ since I was 12 years old,” he said.
But this time was different. Wheaton, who has narrated dozens of audiobooks, including Andy Weir’s “The Martian” and Ernest Cline’s “Ready Player One,” says he has come to enjoy narration more than screen acting. “I’m safe, I’m in the booth, nobody’s looking at me and I can just tell you a story.”
The fact that he, an older man looking back on his younger years, is narrating a story about an older man looking back on his younger years, is not lost on Wheaton. King’s original story is bathed in nostalgia. Coming to terms with death and loss is one of its primary themes.
Two days after appearing on stage at the Academy Awards as part of a tribute to Reiner — who was murdered in 2025 alongside his wife, Michele — Wheaton got on the phone to talk about recording the audiobook, reliving his favorite scenes from the film and reexamining a quintessential story of childhood loss through the lens of his own.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
“I felt really close to him, and my memory of him.”
Wheaton on channeling a co-star’s performance.
There’s this wonderful scene in “Stand By Me.” Gordie and Chris are walking down the tracks talking about junior high. Chris is telling Gordie, “I wish to hell I was your dad, because I care about you, and he obviously doesn’t.”
It’s just so honest and direct, in a way that kids talk to each other that adults don’t. And I think that one of the reasons that really sticks with people, and that piece really lands on a lot of audiences, and has for 40 years, is, just too many people have been Gordie in that scene.
That scene is virtually word for word taken from the text of the book. And when I was narrating that, I made a deliberate choice to do my best to recreate what River did in that scene.
“You’re just a kid,
Gordie–”
“I wish to fuck
I was your father!”
he said angrily.
“You wouldn’t go around
talking about takin those stupid shop courses if I was!
It’s like
God gave you something,
all those stories
you can make up, and He said:
This is what we got for you, kid.
Try not to lose it.
But kids lose everything
unless somebody looks out for them and if your folks
are too fucked up to do it
then maybe I ought to.”
I watched that scene a couple of times because I really wanted — I don’t know why it was so important to me to — well, I know: because I loved him, and I miss him. And I wanted to bring him into this as best as I could, right?
So I was reading that scene, and the words are identical to the script. And I had this very powerful flashback to being on the train tracks that day in Cottage Grove, Oregon. And I could see River standing next to them. They’re shooting my side of the scene and there’s River, right next to the camera, doing his off-camera dialogue, and there’s the sound guy, and there’s the boom operator. There’s my key light.
I could hear and feel it. It was the weirdest thing. It’s like I was right back there.
I was able to really take in the emotional memory of being Gordie in all of those scenes. So when I was narrating him and I’m me and I’m old with all of this experience, I just drew on what I remembered from being that little boy and what I remember of those friendships and what they meant to me and what they mean to me today.
“Rob gave me a gift. Rob gave me a career.”
Wheaton recalls the “Stand By Me” director’s way with kids on set, as well as his recent Oscars tribute.
Rob really encouraged us to be kids.
Jerry tells the most amazing story about that scene, where we were all sitting around, and doing our bit, and he improvised. He was just goofing around — we were just playing — and he said something about spitting water at the fat kid.
We get to the end of the scene, and he hears Rob. Rob comes around from behind the thing, and he goes, “Jerry!” And Jerry thinks, “Oh no, I’m in trouble. I’m in trouble because I improvised, and I’m not supposed to improvise.”
The context for Jerry is that he had been told by the adults in his life, “Sit on your hands and shut up. Stop trying to be a cutup. Stop trying to be funny. Stop disrupting people. Just be quiet.” And Jerry thinks, “Oh my God. I didn’t shut up. I’m in trouble. I’m gonna get fired.”
Rob leans in to all of us, and Rob says, “Hey, guys, do you see that? More of that. Do that!”
The whole time when you’re a kid actor, you’re just around all these adults who are constantly telling you to grow up. They’re mad that you’re being a kid. Rob just created an environment where not only was it supported that we would be kids — and have fun, and follow those kid instincts and do what was natural — it was expected. It was encouraged. We were supposed to do it.
They chanted together:
“I don’t shut up,
I grow up.
And when I look at you I throw up.”
“Then your mother goes around the corner
and licks it up,”
I said, and hauled ass out of there,
giving them the finger over my shoulder as I went.
I never had any friends later on
like the ones I had when I was twelve.
Jesus, did you?
When we were at the Oscars, I looked at Jerry. And we looked at this remarkable assemblage of the most amazingly talented, beautiful artists and storytellers. We looked around, and Jerry leans down, and he said, “We all got our start with Rob Reiner. He trusted every single one of us.”
And to stand there for him, when I really thought that I would be standing with him to talk about this stuff — it was a lot.
“I was really really really excited — like jumping up and down.”
The scene Wheaton was most looking forward to narrating: the tale of Lard Ass Hogan.
I was so excited to narrate it. It’s a great story! It’s a funny story. It’s such a lovely break — it’s an emotional and tonal shift from what’s happening in the movie.
I know this as a writer: You work to increase and release tension throughout a narrative, and Stephen King uses humor really effectively to release that tension. But it also raises the stakes, because we have these moments of joy and these moments of things being very silly in the midst of a lot of intensity.
That’s why the story of Lard Ass Hogan is so fun for me to tell. Because in the middle of that, we stop to do something that’s very, very fun, and very silly and very celebratory.
“Will you shut up and let him tell it?”
Teddy hollered.
Vern blinked.
“Sure. Yeah.
Okay.”
“Go on, Gordie,”
Chris said. “It’s not really much—”
“Naw,
we don’t expect much from a wet end like you,”
Teddy said,
“but tell it anyway.”
I cleared my throat. “So anyway.
It’s Pioneer Days,
and on the last night
they have these three big events.
There’s an egg-roll for the little kids and a sack-race for kids that are like eight or nine,
and then there’s the pie-eating contest.
And the main guy of the story
is this fat kid nobody likes
named Davie Hogan.”
When I narrate this story — whenever there is a moment of levity or humor, whenever there are those brief little moments that are the seasoning of the meal that makes it all so real and relatable — yes, it was very important to me to capture those moments.
I’m shifting in my chair, so I can feel each of those characters. It’s something that doesn’t exist in live action. It doesn’t exist in any other media.
“I feel the loss.”
Wheaton remembers River Phoenix.
The novella “The Body” is very much about Gordie remembering Chris. It’s darker, and it’s more painful, than the movie is.
I’ve been watching the movie on this tour and seeing River a lot. I remember him as a 14- and 15-year-old kid who just seemed so much older, and so much more experienced and so much wiser than me, and I’m only a year younger than him.
What hurts me now, and what I really felt when I was narrating this, is knowing what River was going through then. We didn’t know. I still don’t know the extent of how he was mistreated, but I know that he was. I know that adults failed him. That he should have been protected in every way that matters. And he just wasn’t.
And I, like Gordie, remember a boy who was loving. So loving, and generous and cared deeply about everyone around him, all the time. Who deserved to live a full life. Who had so much to offer the world. And it’s so unfair that he’s gone and taken from us. I had to go through a decades-long grieving process to come to terms with him dying.
Near the end
of 1971,
Chris
went into a Chicken Delight in Portland
to get a three-piece Snack Bucket.
Just ahead of him,
two men started arguing
about which one had been first in line. One of them pulled a knife.
Chris,
who had always been the best of us
at making peace,
stepped between them and was stabbed in the throat.
The man with the knife had spent time in four different institutions;
he had been released from Shawshank State Prison
only the week before.
Chris died almost instantly.
It is a privilege that I was allowed to tell this story. I get to tell Gordie Lachance’s story as originally imagined by Stephen King, with all of the experience of having lived my whole adult life with the memory of spending three months in Gordie Lachance’s skin.
Welcome to Great Adaptations, the Book Review’s regular multiple-choice quiz about printed works that have gone on to find new life as movies, television shows, theatrical productions and more. This week’s challenge highlights offbeat television shows that began as comic books. Just tap or click your answers to the five questions below. And scroll down after you finish the last question for links to the comics and their screen versions.
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