Rhode Island
Plan your perfect, delicious Rhody summer
Dining in Rhode Island: An ode to the Ocean State’s food scene.
The light changes with the seasons, the temperatures go up and down, but dining excellence across the Ocean State is as consistent as the tides.
Memorial Day weekend is just around the corner. The spring rains, muddy shoes and thick coats of pollen everywhere are ready to be replaced with the promise of summer. Bring out your flip-flops.
A whole season of beaching, cookouts, picnics and warm nights under the stars are all in front of us. Three of the most glorious months are worth all the cold, snow, ice and wind New England can deliver.
But I’m here to remind you how fleeting these long summer days are. Welcoming Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial start of summer, makes you think you have all the time in the world. You’ll get to the planting, walks on the beach, s’more making over a fire pit and dining on the water.
But will you?
Blink and it will be Labor Day weekend, the unofficial end to summer. I know and you know it. We’ve lived it.
Summer days come fast and furious and without a plan, it’s easy to rack up regret come September. So might I suggest you make your plans now. Mark up that calendar with all the events you don’t want to miss, food and drink you want to enjoy and people you want to share it all with.
I’ve done some of the legwork for you. What follows is a list of fun food and drink things to do. Some are now, some are in the future. There are ideas and events.
Happy planning for Memorial Day weekend and a perfect Rhode Island summer.
Sweet Berry Farm opens for season
Sweet Berry Farm reopens for the season at 915 Mitchell’s Lane Middletown, on May 23 at 8 a.m. with new owners. “We look forward to introducing some new members of the team after we reopen in May,” they wrote on Facebook.
This is the place to pick your own strawberries (starting in early June) and other berries as the growing season progresses.
Special guest at Ocean House
James Beard winning chef Mike Solomonov will be a special guest at Ocean House in Watch Hill on Memorial Day weekend. There are two opportunities: one to meet Solomonov and a second to enjoy his cuisine.
Solomonov opened his first restaurant, Zahav, in Philadelphia in spring 2008, serving Israeli cuisine. Esquire put it on its list of the year’s best new restaurants. In 2017, he won the most coveted James Beard award of them all, for outstanding chef.
Now he the owner of several restaurants that reflect his life growing up in Pittsburgh and Israel, the son of an American mother and a Bulgarian father. He learned to bake in Israel.
Guests can spend Saturday afternoon, May 24, from 2 to 3 p.m. at a special meet and greet to learn more about the chef’s culinary journey. The cost is $55. Add $40 if you’d like a copy of his cookbook “Zahav: Home: Cooking for Friends and Family.” You can reserve tickets online.
On May 25, there’s a BBQ on the Beach from 5 to 7 p.m. featuring chef’s expert cooking techniques. He will showcase flavorful dishes inspired by his Israeli roots, including sesame chicken thighs, grilled skewers, smoked short ribs, smoked eggplant, and turkey coffee ice cream. There will be sides, drinks and live music. The cost is $125 for adults and $55 for children 4 to 12 and $25 for children 3 and younger. You can reserve tickets online.
Shop Four Town Farm
Four Town Farm, 90 George St., Seekonk, isn’t just the place to pick delicious strawberries (come June). This is where you can do all your shopping from local soups to herb plants to rhubarb. This is a marketplace where you’ll find Narragansett Creamery yogurt and cheeses and Wright’s Dairy Farm milk and so many other local products.
Taste of the past
Smith’s Castle, 55 Richard Smith Drive in North Kingstown, hosts a fundraiser that features a tasting of Madeira and a frothy rum summer cocktail called Poncha, on June 5 from 6 to 7 p.m. The cost of the 21-plus event is $50.
In addition to Poncha, made with aguardiente (white Madeiran rum), light Colonial fare of cheeses will be served. Reservations can be made on Eventbrite. Space is limited.
Openings in Newport
1639
Newport Harbor Island Resort’s 1639 restaurant, has reopened for the season at 1 Goat Island, Newport. Named after the year Newport was founded, 1639 offers a coastal dining experience celebrating the flavors of New England with a modern, global twist. The menu, from executive chef Ryan Connors, includes bar classics and house-made pastas. Cacio e Pepe is prepared tableside in a wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano, with an optional upgrade of brown butter king crab. Other menu highlights include the 1639 Alaskan Halibut Clam Bake and the Rhode Island Striper, served with summer succotash, Parisienne-style gnocchi and a ratatouille purée. Reservations are available on Fridays and Saturdays, 5 to 10 p.m. They have outdoor deck dining.
Pivotal Brewing
Pivotal Brewing Company has opened its second location at 140 Broadway in Newport. There’s a new taproom, beer garden and private event space. The Newport space mirrors the artsy, eclectic vibe of Pivotal’s original Bristol location. On tap are 10 rotating draft lines, including a gluten-free hard tea.
Pivotal specializes in modern lagers and hazy IPAs. Starting this summer, the location will also offer a curated list of boutique wines, expanding its beverage program.
Garden City Farmers Market
Garden City Center has launched its first-ever weekly Farmers Market, in partnership with Rhode Island Night Market. Visitors can enjoy the family (and dog) friendly market each Sunday while discovering just-picked produce, pantry staples, handmade goods, and more for purchase from some 30 vendors each week. Familiar vendors include Stamp Farms, Radical Roots Farm and Rheds Hot Sauce.
It runs rain or shin from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. every Sunday through Sept. 28 in the heart of Garden City Center’s gazebo green. There will also be live entertainment and a pop-up beer garden, in partnership with Avvio Ristorante, during every Market.
Zoobilee
Roger Williams Park Zoo’s 33rd annual Zoobilee fundraiser, Party with a Purpose, supports conservation and education at this 21-plus event. Guests enjoy bites and sips from local restaurants as part of the ticket price. Visit with the animals with special encounters. It will be held on Saturday, June 28 from 7 to 10 p.m. at the Roger Williams Park Zoo, 1000 Elmwood Ave., Providence. Tickets cost $125 ($25 off for zoo members); online at rwpzoo.org/event/zoobilee2024/.
‘Jaws’ 50th with a side of ‘Gansett
Narragansett Beer will make waves all summer long in honor of the 50th anniversary of “Jaws.” The brewery is selling exclusive “Jaws” 12-packs with 1975 retro cans inside. They are identical to the one Captain Quint crushed in the film while hunting for the shark on his boat, the Orca.
Come Shark Week, July 14 to July 20, there will be many events planned at the taproom at at 271 Tockwotton St., Providence. ‘Gansett Brewery Shark Week events include: Trivia Night on July 15; a Jaws-inspired jog on July 16; Snag a sharky design at a Jaws-inspired flash tattoo pop-up with FINAO Ink on July 17; Slurp oysters their beer garden cornhole tourney and oyster roast with Aquidneck Oyster Co. on July 18; Settle in for a day-long Jaws-A-Thon movie marathon – with a special screening at dusk on July 19; and Ride the mechanical shark from noon to 6 p.m. on July 20.
Pick your own blueberries
The season will start in early July in Rhode Island and can run well into August as farms plant assorted varieties that ripen at different times. Keep your eyes on these farms for when the time for blueberry muffins is upon you: Pinecrest Farm, 1 Pinecrest Road, in Richmond; Rocky Point Farm, 130 Rocky Point Ave., Warwick; Dame Farm, 91 Brown Ave., Johnston and Goodwin Brothers Farm, 458 Greenville Rd., North Smithfield.
Daveapalooza
The 5th Annual Daveapalooza is set for Saturday, July 12 at Proclamation Ale in Warwick, the brewery built by late founder Dave Witham. It will held from noon to 6 p.m. at 298 Kilvert St., Warwick.
Proclamation will be partnering with Civil Skate Shop, to create a day of skateboarding, live music, food and beer to celebrate Dave, said , and celebrating Dave, said Lori Witham, company owner and creative director. There will be collab beers, a local vendor market, Daveapalooza merch and slushies. Food vendors will include W’s Wood Fired Pizza, Belly Busters, Newport Sushi Co, and Matilda. Music will be live from TJ & The Campers, Free Beer the Band, and Toad & The Stooligans.
Advance tickets available are available now. The link can be found at www.proclamationaleco.com/events. Advance VIP tickets include a Daveapalooza glass and pour, along with entry to the event for $15 available through June 13. Advanced entry ticket is $5. Day of ticket is $8. Under 21 are admitted free. The rain date is July 13.
Charlestown Seafood Festival
The festival features the best of any county fair with foods that include calamari, lobster, clam chowder, clam cakes, fish chowder, corn on the cob, fish and chips, sausage and pepper sandwiches, hot dogs and hamburgers, fried dough and strawberry shortcake. There are amusement rides and live bands.
It’s set for Aug. 1 from noon to 11 p.m.; Aug. 2 from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; and Aug. 3 from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. at Ninigret Park, 5 Park Lane, Charlestown. Daily admission is $13 for adults; children 10 and under free; military (with ID) and seniors (65 and older) pay $10. Parking is free (a $2 donation is encouraged). Rain or shine, no pets allowed.
For more information and a detailed schedule of festival events, visit charlestownseafoodfestival.com.
Farm Fresh RI’s Local Food Fest
Aug. 12 at Castle Hill Inn is the evening for local flavor, all in support of Farm Fresh RI’s mission to grow a stronger local food system. This unique fundraising event celebrates local growers in a spectacular Newport setting. There are dozens of local farms and producers of everything from mushrooms to cheese paired with chefs from some of the state’s best restaurants. They serve signature dishes and drinks.
Local artisan and farms committed to the event this year include Pizza Marvin, Long Lane Farm, Sweet & Salty Farm and Frank Laurie’s. Tickets cost $275 by advance purchase only at farmfreshri.com. The event always sells out.
Romanian Food Festival
St. John The Baptist Romanian Orthodox Church hosts its annual Food Festival as a fundraiser with homemade foods on Aug. 16 from 1 to 9 p.m. at 501 East School St., Woonsocket. The main foods being served will be: Sarmale (stuffed cabbage); Mititei (grilled ground meat from a mixture of beef and lamb); Chicken and Lamb Shish Kebabs; Pita (spinach pie); and many homemade ethnic desserts. Free admission and purchase your food and drinks.
Mac & Cheese Cook-Off
The 2nd Annual Mac & Cheese Cook-Off is happening on Aug. 16 at Phantom Farms, 2920 Diamond Hill Road, Cumberland, during their 3rd Annual Craft & Vendor Fair.
If you’ve got a cheesy recipe that’s a crowd favorite (or one you’re ready to debut), this is your chance to show off your skills and have some fun. You can reserve your spot online at phantomfarms.com. Spaces are limited and fill up fast.
The rules include all recipes must be submitted at the time of registration. A minimum of 4 pounds (about one large, full crockpot) of mac and cheese must be prepared. All mac and cheese must be cooked prior to the event. Phantom Farms will keep it warm and supply 2-ounce tasting cups, spoons, and napkins for customers. Guests will each get tickets to vote for their top three favorite mac and cheese entries.
Pawtucket Greek Festival
The annual Assumption of the Virgin Mary Greek Orthodox Church’s festival in Pawtucket offers three days of sweets, meats, dancing, music, shopping and other fun. The 2025 dates are Aug. 22, 23 and 24 at 97 Walcott St., Pawtucket. The hours are 5 to 10 p.m. Friday; noon to 10 p.m. Saturday; and noon to 9 p.m. Sunday. Admission is free but there are plenty of foods, sweet and savory to buy.
The menu includes roasted lamb, pork souvlaki and chicken souvlaki dinners, moussaka and spanakopita. Homemade desserts include baklava, rice pudding, almond rolls, baklava cheesecake and more. You can visit the Kafenio (café) for traditional hot and cold Greek coffees, and a bar serving Greek beer, wines and spirits.
EAST GREENWICH, R.I. (WPRI) — If you’re looking to satisfy you’re sweet tooth, look no further than Division Street.
Nothing Bundt Cakes opened its first Rhode Island bakery in East Greenwich earlier this month. The new bakery is situated within East Greenwich Square, which is also home to the Ocean State’s first Crumbl.
The bakery is known for its handcrafted specialty Bundt cakes, as well as smaller “Bundtlets,” and bite-sized “Bundtinis,” that come in a variety of flavors.
“There’s a strong sense of local pride, creativity, and community here that aligns perfectly with our values,” said Jake Williams, who owns the East Greenwich bakery. “We were drawn to the area’s vibrant small business culture and the opportunity to contribute something special.”
Nothing Bundt Cakes is also expected to open another bakery at Chapel View in Cranston later this year.
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Rhode Island
Gather Round at These Unique, Seemingly Unrelated Rhody Businesses – Rhode Island Monthly
Ice cream class attendees look next door at the glassblowing studio. Courtesy of Gather
It all started with a glassblowing studio. Benny Giguere had just moved from Vermont to Providence when he and high school friend, Matt Stone, decided to turn their passions into a brick-and-mortar endeavor. Giguere had been a glassblower for twelve years and felt Rhode Island was the perfect place to bring his talents.
That was around 2010. Now, in addition to a Providence glassblowing studio, Gather has two other businesses under its belt: an adjoining ice cream shop and a farm in Johnston. The goal for all three? To bring people together.
“One of the reasons we named it Gather was because the goal is to bring in more of the public and offer experiences,” Giguere says. “Gathering is the first thing you need to do in order to make something. We couldn’t do any of this without gathering.”
Fire and Ice
Benny Giguere uses his breath to expand glass during a live demonstration. Photo courtesy of Gather
Located at the tail end of Atwells Avenue, Gather Glass and Gather Cafe & Ice Cream Bar offer an experience called Fire and Ice, where participants make their own glass (the fire) and then craft a batch of ice cream (the ice). I set out to try the experience that blends the two businesses, starting with glassblowing.
The glassblowing space is split into two parts, a retail side and a studio side. We step into the studio and Giguere shows me the color options for my soon-to-be wine glass. Brightly colored glass pieces rep Rhode Island-friendly names like RIDOT, bright orange with white glass, and Blizzard of ’78, blue with white glass. I choose one called Grinch (a bright green).
Giguere takes me through the motions of the glassblowing process. Once prepped, I put on my safety goggles to do it for real. Giguere stays by me the whole time, mirroring what I need to do next while jumping in when I need assistance. With his laid-back but assertive cadence, he is obviously the man in charge.
“Once you choose a career like glassblowing, you either work for somebody else’s dream or you forge your own path,” he says.
Giguere helps a student shape their glass. Photo courtesy of Gather
Since opening, Gather Glass has partnered with multiple local businesses. WaterFire was one of the first to work with Gather and that relationship still stands today, with Gather Glass glassblowing at almost every WaterFire lighting. Other local partners include Bellini and the Industrious Spirit Company. The shop also works with the Rhode Island Community Food Bank and donates to Crossroads Rhode Island.
“While the goal is to bring people in our doors, we also go out of our doors to help better things in the community,” Giguere says.
My glass needs to stay overnight to properly harden and cool, but not before Giguere helps me with the finishing touches.
In its first year, Gather Glass welcomed around 350 people to its studio. In 2025, that number climbed to more than 9,000.
Ice Cream Madness
After finishing my wine glass, I switch gears and walk next door to the ice cream making class. The ice cream shop shares a glass wall with the studio so customers can watch the classes while enjoying their ice cream. A fully stocked bar with local brews and spirits from local distilleries offers visitors a stronger alternative to milkshakes.
I make my way over to the ice cream making station, complete with a scale, a stovetop and other ice cream making tools. Leading our class is Andrea LaFazia, a chef who helped open Troop.
Liquid nitrogen floats out of an ice cream churn as attendees look on in awe. Photo courtesy of Gather
The ice cream shop was born in large part due to the Johnston farm, which had an apiary and lots of lavender growing. They used the ingredients in a honey lavender ice cream, which they sold on the farm and at events. After positive feedback, they used the farm’s basil in a lemon basil ice cream, and an idea was born.
“The thing that makes Gather special is everything we do is an experience that we can share,” LaFazia says. “So, we decided that it wasn’t enough to just make our own ice cream — we had to teach people how to make ice cream.”
Gather began renovating the space next to the glassblowing studio two years ago and opened the ice cream shop last July. The shop is open for ice cream making classes and premade ice cream purchases.
After hearing the shop’s backstory, it’s time to decide our flavor base. Options include vanilla, chocolate and coffee made from New Harvest coffee beans.
I decide on my flavor: chocolate-strawberry. After mixing some cracked eggs, milk and other ingredients on the stovetop, the base goes inside a freezer to harden while we decide on our mix-ins. Some, like marshmallows and peanut brittle, are made in-house. I go for the cookie dough globs and waffle cone bits.
Andrea LaFazia adds the showstopping liquid nitrogen to her ice cream creations. Photo courtesy of Gather
LaFazia starts churning the ice cream using liquid nitrogen.
“When we dump the liquid nitrogen into the cream, the air pockets shut down,” she says. “This makes it so you don’t have that crunch and thinness you get with other ice cream.”
The liquid nitrogen’s foggy contents waft out of the churner as I add my mix-ins, watching them fold into the ice cream’s base. LaFazia gives me two scoops of my creation to sample and puts the rest into the freezer to harden. It’s some of the best ice cream I’ve ever tried, and the view of glassblowing next door provides entertainment while I scarf it down.
“Sometimes people get confused about how a glass studio, an ice cream shop and a farm are all tied together,” LaFazia says. “But we’re really just trying to create an environment where people can get together, have a great time and not be scared.”
Go for the Goats
A fifteen-minute drive from Atwells Avenue brings me to my final stop, Gather Farm in Johnston. The farm uses a community supported agriculture model, where consumers purchase shares of the farm’s harvest. Once a week during the season, the farm brings produce to the ice cream shop for CSA members to pick up.
All the produce is grown using organic and regenerative practices. CSA members have access to weekly yoga sessions in the summer and fall and pick-your-own opportunities during peak season. Spring sees produce like lettuce, carrots and rosemary harvested while summer is for cucumbers, sweet corn and blueberries.
The farm also offers various classes and works closely with the African Alliance of Rhode Island, which runs the six-acre Bami Farm in Johnston.
Gather Farm goats Salty and Fawn seemingly pose for a photo in the goat greenhouse. Photo courtesy of Gather
Aidan Simmons, the farm’s goat caretaker, waves at me as I park. She’s a twelfth-generation dairy farmer and second-generation goat farmer. In 2024, after learning her family could not continue operating Simmons Farm in Middletown, Simmons found a new home at Gather. Since then, she’s worked to perfect the farm’s goat hikes and goat cuddling sessions.
She leads me through the greenhouse, which doubles as the property’s event space. Here, Simmons and Gather farmer Elisabeth Stone tell me about their efforts to make the goat hikes more accessible for all.
“It’s important we make the hikes doable for all people,” says Simmons. “The hiking trail is mostly flat, so even if you aren’t completely mobile you can participate.”
We finally reach the stars of the afternoon: the goats. Twenty-three goats waddle by as I step into their space, with Simmons greeting each one by name.
A few goats congregate toward the front corner of the goat greenhouse, and I walk over. Behind the blocked off area, three pairs of bright eyes stare up at me, each pair belonging to a floppy-eared baby goat. Their names are Jude, Willow and Ivy. Each is small enough to pick up and carry around. Simmons hands me Willow as we settle in for goat cuddles.
The cuddles are a new offering at the farm. During each session, guests can sit and snuggle with the goats for thirty-five minutes.
While I’m holding Willow, Simmons tells me more about the farm. Weekends are for the farm’s goat hikes, one-hour strolls through the property where attendees learn about goat history and fun facts from Simmons. The hike gives the goats time to forage around the property, which helps with the enrichment they require. Simmons also has plans to start offering goat yoga.
Simmons’ world revolves around the goat’s happiness. During our cold snap in January, Simmons brought the babies inside to the guest room of her home, which is on the Gather Farm property only a few feet from the goat greenhouse.
Aidan Simmons leads hikers and her goats through the hiking trails on the Gather Farm property. Photo courtesy of Gather
“Some of them have never met their mom, but I’m their mom,” she says. “I kind of had to stop everything I had going on in my life to take care of them, but it’s worth it.”
I put down Willow, who’s been gnawing at my hair for the past few minutes. I stand up next to Simmons and ask what her dream is for the farm.
“The dream is to have a fully functioning farm,” she says. “I really want to prove that you don’t have to be the worst person in the world to be a dairy farmer.”
I give each of the baby goats one last squeeze before I head back to grab my things. I tell Simmons she has a pretty great thing going and she laughs, nodding.
“While I gave them goats, they gave me and my goats a home and hope when I didn’t know what was coming next,” she says. “This place really is like a family. All of the people I get to work with, they’re everything to me. I just feel like the luckiest person every day.”
I say my final goodbyes and walk to my car. My drive home is filled with thoughts of Gather and the people who make it all happen. From the heat of the glassblowing studio to the chill of the ice cream class and the warmth of the goat cuddles, Gather makes people feel like they belong. And in these chaotic times, couldn’t we all use a little sense of togetherness?
Gather Glass, 521 Atwells Ave., Providence, gatherglass.com; Gather Cafe & Ice Cream Bar, 519 Atwells Ave., Providence, gathercafe.com; Gather Farm, 380 Greenville Ave., Johnston, gatherfarm.com.
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Learning Experiences
Interested in more hands-on experiences that blend education and fun? Check out these three spots below.
Thames Glass
Located in the City by the Sea, Thames Glass offers various make-your-own classes. Guests can make ornaments, paperweights and vases, among other items, with the help of a professional glassblower. 688 Thames St., Newport, 846-0576, thamesglass.com
The 1661 Animal Farm
Part of the 1661 Block Island Resort, this farm houses goats and pigs and more exotic animals like kangaroos and camels. Visitors can purchase vegetables to feed the animals at a farm store on the property. 1 Spring St.,
New Shoreham, 466-2421, blockislandresorts.com
CHOP
The Culinary Hub of Providence offers sit-down dining and engaging culinary classes. Through educational workshops, visitors can learn skills from CHOP’s culinary professionals and expert guest chefs. CHOP’s open kitchen also allows diners to peek into their meals’ creation process while the Chef Demo Bar offers quick kitchen demos and tastings. 211 Washington St., Providence, 429-2450, culinaryhubpvd.com
As if the aftermath of her explosion at the Studio 54 party wasn’t enough to deal with, Liz also now has to figure out what to do with the six bunches of bananas that Gary accidentally ordered when he meant to order six individual bananas. But until they’re ripe enough to make banana bread, she’ll focus on the other issue. “I came across as a bitter, drunken, witch,” she tells Dolores — three words that I have to imagine also appear on the show’s casting notice.
Meanwhile, Ashley takes some of the other women to her favorite beach, and Alicia, who is used to her country club, is terrified. “This is not my vibe, I’m freaking out,” she whispers as she’s forced to carry her chair, bag, and snacks. The snacks in question are something called “pizza chips,” which appears to just be bread with sauce on it? Alicia, being the brain behind Pizza Mamma, tries to break down the science to us, saying that cheese can’t sit out in the sun, but she need not explain. She had me at pizza chips.
She also had me when she revealed that Rulla apparently met Brian while he was married to Alicia’s high school Spanish teacher. “I don’t know if this is true, Brian cheated on his first wife, my Spanish teacher,” she says with her hands over her heart, “with Rulla. I hope that’s not true because I really did like my Spanish teacher.” Yet again, I’m obsessed with how deep the ties between these women go. A game of six degrees of separation hates to see them coming. I also love Alicia starting a declarative sentence with, “I don’t know if this is true,” but she should say it in Spanish next time.
And speaking of those deep ties, we already know that there was some connection between Jo-Ellen’s sister and Jo-Ellen’s husband while they were in high school, before Jo-Ellen swooped in. But now we’re finally getting to meet Jen, who is basically subbing for Jo-Ellen at the house while she’s on a work trip. “She perpetuates this fun little game of flirting with my husband,” Jo-Ellen explains, but assures us that nothing is going on. That being said, Jen does joke that they’re like an old married couple and Jo-Ellen tells us that Jen wants his sperm to have a baby…but apart from that I guess everything is totally normal! I’m putting together a list of side characters who should be in the running to hold clams in future seasons, and so far Jen and Alicia’s Spanish teacher are leading the pack.
But when it comes to side characters, the real stars are of course Alicia’s aunts, who are thankfully back on our screens for a backyard barbecue with some of the ladies. And what better group to speak frankly to Rulla about her situation with Brian? The second Rulla alludes to bumps in the road, this beautiful coven of scorned divorcées pounce, encouraging Rulla to leave him. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder?” one of them asks her, and later in her confessional Rulla even admits that those words stayed with her. I feel like we’re seeing something real with Rulla and she’s finally letting the glossy veneer slip. But the best commentary comes from Alicia’s mother, who says, “I just hope and pray that you somehow hurt him…I’m gonna pray you get him back.” Forget the usual Bravo aftershows, I want a show that’s just all of Alicia’s aunts watching and commentating on each week’s episode. The ratings will be higher than the MASH finale.
As for Liz and Kelsey’s simmering conflict, the pair finally meet up to clear the air by the water where Liz’s boat is docked. I’ve seen similar meetings play out just like this on The Sopranos, so I had to keep reminding myself that Kelsey was safe because surely Bravo would never broadcast a woman being murdered. Then again, this would be the show to break that glass ceiling. As it turns out, I had no reason to fear because the sit-down goes incredibly smoothly. Liz explains that it felt like Kelsey was co-signing the rumors by bringing them up, and Kelsey says her instinct for Liz to keep her distance from Dino actually had more to do with her own history. She explains that ten years ago she and Dino hooked up but it didn’t go well, and now his presence is a reminder of a time in her life that she’s trying to forget. She even says she has PTSD over it and now avoids him like the plague, but respects that Liz has a meaningful friendship with him. I still have a lot of questions about this, but ultimately Liz and Kelsey clear the air and reconcile.
And thank god, because then they’re able to go rail biking in peace. All of the women split up into groups to cycle their way three miles down an old railroad track, with drinks in hand of course. “Rullala, how you doing back there?” Alicia asks as they ride, which made me scream out in delight upon once again getting to hear my new favorite word: “Rullala.” It’s my mantra. I say it no fewer than 50 times a day. It’s a greeting, it’s a prayer, it’s a way of life. Better yet, when the camera cuts to Rulla, she finally wins me over. Mid-cycle she’s shaking a cocktail shaker and pouring her tequila into a wine glass. Leave Brian and his bullshit at home, this is the woman that I want to see on my screen.
I’m even more enamored with her once they get to their location and she’s horrified to discover Alicia’s financial situation. She’s telling the ladies about not feeling valued given that her husband won’t put her name on the house or business, and Rulla, being a financial planner, springs into action. Seeing this smart, powerful side of her, especially as she’s trying to empower Alicia, is a great look and is far more compelling than watching her meekly defend her cheating husband. It gives a glimpse at what an independent Rulla might look like on this show in a couple of seasons.
But she’s not the only one supporting Alicia — Kelsey steps up to play Billy in a role-play so Alicia can practice airing her grievances. Sidebar: everyone talks about these women looking alike, but the real problem is that all of their partners have such similar names. Alicia’s is Billy, Kelsey’s boyfriend’s is Bill, Rulla’s is Brian, Jo-Ellen’s is Gary, Liz’s is Gerry, Ashley’s is Jared, and thankfully Rosie’s is just Rich. But oh my god, how am I supposed to keep that all straight? Anyway, the little role-play Alicia does ends up being heartbreaking, as she gets emotional saying that he makes her feel worthless in their relationship. But the fact that we’re talking about this so much feels promising, and I hope we get to see Alicia ultimately bring all of these feelings to Billy. And if he doesn’t listen, I hope her aunts attack him.
The conversation then turns to how Liz has been gelling with newbie Ashley, and they joke about how Ashley is a little scared of her. When the Studio 54 party comes up, Liz says that that wasn’t her finest moment and wasn’t a good representation of what she’s really like. “Alicia, you said she’s always like that,” Rosie says, throwing Alicia right under the bus. “Don’t flip that shit, don’t do that to me, don’t put shit in my mouth,” Alicia fires back, as Dolores looks on like a proud mother. “She twisted my words, you’re a fucking troll,” Alicia yells, saying that Rosie fucked her. It’s a line-o-rama of iconic outbursts, one after another: “Welcome to Rhode Island, bitch, this is how we roll,” then, “Fucking thirsty bitch, so thirsty its scary,” and finally, “I need to get out of here cause I’m gonna end up killing her.” Our first death threat!
But the craziest part of this comes when Alicia and Rosie step away from the group for a moment. It’s allegedly to sidebar, but I was convinced it was so Alicia could murder her with fewer witnesses. Alicia tells her that if she apologizes everything will be good, Rosie apologies, and then things are good. “Did she just hug her?” someone asks from the circle, shocked. The series has had a lot of incredible moments thus far, but this one is what is most promising about its longevity as a Housewives show. The secret sauce of these shows is resilience — the ability to be as angry at someone as humanly possible, and move on like nothing happened so they can do it all over again. Long, drawn-out grudges make for bad television (as RHOBH proves), so this cast’s ability to reconcile and move on will be the thing that makes it great.
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