Utah’s wonderful women took Kevin O’Leary to school over his…

Last year, a Reddit thread circulated asking the question, “Who is the worst Canadian?” To little surprise, Ted Cruz was among those who were named.

You know Ted, right? That unctuous Texas Senator who revels in appearing smart but who gives off spider vibes? His name being on the list was not a surprise.

Neither was Elon Musk who, while not born in Canada, does bear a Canadian passport since his mother was born there. You know, birthright stuff.

At the time, Elon was dismantling much of the United States infrastructure in the name of DOGE. (Did you ever get your $2,000 check? Do we currently miss USAID in the emerging Ebola zones?) It’s little wonder that Elon scored so well on the dishonor list, never mind that he wasn’t even living in Canada during the polling.

Other prominent names included hockey legend Wayne Gretzky (a living example of the motif ETTD—Everything Trump Touches Dies—if there ever was one), politician and philosopher Jordan Peterson, who affirms that masculinity is under assault while he assaults everything, plus Gavin McInnes, a Proud Boys founder who had relocated to the good ole USA.

The list morphed into an NCAA playoff structure, with brackets that culled the field down to a final winner. I’m going to ask the editors at City Weekly to create a similar bracket that our readers can vote in to find this year’s Worst Utahn.

Can you imagine a showdown between Mike Lee and Trevor Lee in the finals? I can. Or maybe it could be 2024 Spencer Cox against 2026 Spencer Cox—one cusping on bad, the other embracing it.

Utah’s new favorite authority, Kevin O’Leary, might also be on the Worst Utahn list, due to his proximity to all things powerful and secret at the state government level. If Kevin gets his way with the proposed giant data center in Box Elder County, he might even be a full-fledged Utah resident by then. That means, woefully, I’ll have to boycott Box Elder County.

I’m no good at boycotts. I’m weak—so yeah, I lied. I’ll still eat the great peaches and I’ll still eat at Maddox Steak House in Perry. But only when Kevin isn’t around.

We’ve been warned, you know. Along with the other worst Canadians on the Canada list was “Mr. Wonderful” himself, Kevin O’Leary. What kind of snipe would embrace calling himself Mr. Wonderful? Especially one as handsome-reverse as Kevin O’Leary? Well, there’s one, and it’s more apropos—the late, great Paul Orndorff of World Wrestling Federation fame. He had a better run at being Mr. Wonderful than O’Leary ever will.

O’Leary didn’t give himself the name. One of his fellow billionaire panelists on Shark Tank provided that moniker after he tried to mind-wrassle an inventor out of a money-making idea. He even trademarked the name. If that sounds Trumpian, it is.

Among the many dubious qualities that are associated with O’Leary is the recurring one that he often emulates president—and fellow self-proclaimed brilliant businessman—Donald Trump. He does sound like him here and there, in both brashness and bullshit.

Utahns don’t need reminding that one day, we were blissfully unaware that anyone was even purchasing land in Box Elder County, only to awaken the next day to find that an O’Leary-led cabal of Utah political sad sacks had quietly compiled a 40,000-acre aggregation destined to become the largest water and land-use boondoggle known to modern man. We Utah historians correctly note that the floods that floated Noah were of grander scale, but this one is right up there.

The hue and cry from all corners were loud and clear: Utah does not welcome the idea of an interloper coming in with paid-off politicians in arms, selling the prospect of a massive data center and arriving without so much as a local hearing. Utah was blindsided.

When locals protested, O’Leary again donned his Donald Trump costume, marched into the friendly studios of Fox News and spouted off the lies that protesters were bussed in, that we must love our country in this critical time and that China can’t win the data center wars.

The USA has 40% of all data centers worldwide, with more coming. But such information cannot dissuade the average Fox viewer, who is over 65 years old and will be dead when the data center begins siphoning Utah water and cooking the remaining residents of Box Elder County inside their very own Air Fryer.

But O’Leary’s biggest lie was saved for two women—also a Trumpian move. He accused Utah-born Gabi Finlayson and Jackie Morgan (both of Elevate Utah, which is indeed politically aligned toward the Democratic party) as being paid agents of China. Their crime? Exposing O’Leary, Cox and the rest as being as useless as teats on a Box Elder bull.

Finlayson and Morgan took to their own social media, delivering a master class in mockery that accelerated them to social media stardom and exposed O’Leary as a bumbling asshole. Not dissuaded, O’Leary also stupidly punched at Senate candidate Caroline Gleich, who similarly punched back with the reminder that while she has no foreign ties, O’Leary himself is not only Canadian by birth, but is also a citizen of the UAE—who is the foreigner again?

I’m thrilled to no end to see these “masculine” men kneecapped by stronger women.

If they see this, I’ll buy tequila shooters for Gabi, Jackie and Caroline. By the looks of things, all across the entire political spectrum, it will be women who save us from ourselves and from unwelcome political grabs.

We may need data centers. We don’t need Mr. Not-So-Wonderful.