Short version: the Giants played better defense than the Twins and won. Also, Joe Ryan uses ball talc.

Mid-length version: semi-rookie Matt Wallner misplayed a first-inning ball, and Twins hitters swung at everything, and that 1-0 lead ballooned because “ballooned” is a verb, kind of.

And Joe Ryan uses ball talc.

Long version:

F**cking John Foley, who I have on good authority cannot even find his NERD GLASSES on his NERD FACE, wrote a thing about how Joe Ryan is UNDIFEEETABLE now, because eggheads gonna egghead, amirite?

Of course, this is why the eggheads are fulla beans. An early single by Giants player Jorge Soler was misplayed by Mr. Wallner, which was scored a triple, instead of a single + error. (IMO, almost EVERY triple should be scored “single + error,” or the very concepts of “triples” and “errors” have virtually no objective meaning whatsoever.)

And: per the postgame discussion on radio, Joe Ryan wouldn’t deny that this should have been scored an error, but postgame reporter people, do you really need to be asking a pitcher to “deny” these questions? I guess you do. I guess it gets Clicks.

Anyways, the Giants got more hits that fell into grass afterwards (it’s San Francisco, grass should be a local cultural plus, along with massive income inequality), and when the Twins swang mightily, the Giants played better defense, and, LOSE LOSE

(Also, Joe Ryan uses ball talc.)

Longest version:

I don’t care about recaps, only previews, and Friday Night TwinkieTown After Dark gamethreads (which, as of yet, haven’t died!)

Plus, new fill-in radio announcer Sean Arenson was talking so fast, I had a hard time following the game. (Per imakesandwichesforaliving, he’s a veteran St. Paul Saints announcer.)

Arenson has a LOVELY voice, and it’s perfect for baseball. But, too fast for me. And I’d been thinking DEEP THOUGHTS in my head about the state of stuff and other stuff. That’s just where my mind is!

So, too fast for me. But…

You can all do the thing where you link on this clicky thing for the score thing! It’s a boxscore! You can read boxscores! If you can’t read boxscores, listen to KFAN talk about how the Twins need more “will to win” and “clutch” and crap like that! Yell on gamethreads! Please not here! Not on Fridays, at any rate!

(And, please, don’t start crazy Giants/Dodgers fan fights.)

Duds Of The Game: Wallner, I guess? Local fog? Joe Ryan? FOLEY’S JIZZ JINX??? (TTAD typo.)

Studs: all you fun people who were on the gamethread, and made TT better than my thoughts about the state of stuff and other stuff!

Damn, this isn’t even 500 words yet, so…

Joe Ryan, you DO KNOW that Johnson & Johnson has already agreed to $700 MILLION DOLLARS in settlements over bad poison in “baby powder,” AKA the stuff you MAYBE USE ON YOUR SPECIAL PARTS? (Maybe he uses a generic?) And that the settlement MIGHT BE WAY BIGGER? Maybe DON’T USE THAT STUFF ON YOUR SPECIAL PARTS!

OK, that gets us to over 500 words. As does this funny article on the Trifecta of Lawyer Movies. I’ve done my job!