Colorado
Free Money For All — Coming to Northern Colorado
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By Jonson Kuhn | North Forty Information
April 1, 2023 – Might you utilize some free cash? What about free cash and free TV dinners? Effectively, should you’re a resident of Northern Colorado, you’re in luck.
It was introduced earlier this week {that a} group of native billionaires, who’ve requested to stay nameless, will donate a complete of 1 billion {dollars} to residents in Larimer County and some of the encompassing counties inside northern Colorado. The nameless billionaires mentioned they wish to stimulate the financial system of Northern Colorado with a brand new program they’ve titled as “MO’ DOUGH, NOCO.”
The one motion merchandise on the MO’ DOUGH, NOCO agenda? Easy. Convey NOCO mo’ dough. The nameless billionaires have dedicated to doing this by giving every particular person inside qualifying northern colorado zip codes $5,000 — and a 12 months’s provide of TV dinners.
“We simply love northern Colorado, and we wish to see it prosper,” mentioned one of many nameless billionaires throughout an nameless interview at an nameless location. “My nameless group of associates and I have been sitting round at some point attempting to see which considered one of us had probably the most cash when considered one of my associates advised we give a few of our cash away. At first, we didn’t perceive what our pal was attempting to say; the phrases didn’t make sense or one thing. ‘Give cash away,’ it sounded loopy.”
“‘You imply like give it away to different folks?’ I requested. As soon as my pal defined that you would be able to give cash away to individuals who don’t have numerous it, one thing referred to as ‘charity,’ all of us agreed it seemed like a good suggestion, if for nothing else than for tax functions,” mentioned one of many nameless billionaires.
A spokesperson for the Billionaires, who requested to stay nameless, mentioned it was an important alternative for Northern Colorado residents to get forward financially and an important alternative to eat effectively for at the least the following 12 months.
“I eat TV dinners nearly each night time, and as you possibly can think about, that provides up; it’s not just like the grocery retailer offers them away free of charge, you recognize?” the spokesperson mentioned. “So, to listen to {that a} group of billionaires determined to provide them away free of charge and an entire 12 months? Let me let you know, I don’t precisely know the way a lot a 12 months’s value of TV dinners prices, nevertheless it’s nearly higher than the $5,000,” mentioned the spokesperson.
A consultant from the TV dinner firm couldn’t remark in particular person however responded in an e mail by stating, “Clearly, that is thrilling information for everybody. We’re all simply happy to listen to folks know that TV dinners exist and are nonetheless consuming them. Gross sales have been down currently, and we have been contemplating taking drastic measures. Nonetheless, this order to supply everybody in Northern Colorado with TV dinners for a whole 12 months, I’d think about, will preserve us fairly busy for, I’d say, at the least the following 12 months.”
An space Mayor, who has requested to stay nameless, mentioned the most recent information might broaden authorities on a neighborhood stage and assist finish starvation (at the least for the following 12 months). The mayor mentioned, “we must always all applaud the efforts of those unnamed billionaires. Extra folks ought to observe of their footsteps.”
“Give it some thought, if extra nameless folks handed out free cash like this, how typically would we have now to work? Like rarely, we might all keep dwelling and have TV dinners,” the Mayor mentioned. “I don’t find out about you, however that sounds precisely just like the America I used to be promised after I was rising up, and it’s been a very long time coming.”
Effectively, should you’ve learn this far — THANK YOU. As a result of I may need simply FOOLED YOU. Cash and TV Dinners should not normally free. This text is fake, and it’s an APRIL FOOLS JOKE!