Arizona Cardinals’s Cotton Candy Burrito Testing Limits of Culinary Hubris

The Arizona Cardinals are coming off two consecutive 4-13 seasons. It’s hard to believe things could get much worse inside that stadium yet here we are looking at one of the most off-putting culinary concoctions any stadium concession stand has ever considered: the cotton candy burrito.

According to the tiny sign there the cotton candy burrito contains ice cream and candy wrapped in cotton candy and a look inside confirms as much. It’s sugar wrapped in sugar and the combination of ice cream, Arizona heat and cotton candy seems like a recipe for disaster without even considering the health concerns. If there’s really any structural integrity to this thing then it’s must be like stuffing the contents of a trick-or-treat bag into a football, which by the way sounds like something that would incredibly easy to throw.

What are we even doing here? This is the exact kind of thing that deserves Dr. Ian Malcolm’s scorn. The Arizona Cardinals’s concessions operator were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

What’s worse is that these aren’t even new. You can learn how to make one in this YouTube video from 2018. Or you might have seen one at this ice cream shop in Las Vegas, which is “home to the cotton candy burrito.”

Maybe the Cardinals won’t be so bad this year. Maybe they’ll improve. Whatever happens on the field, at least fans will be able to go home with that familiar feeling of regret.