Dallas, TX
FOX’s Kasper Schmeichel compares England to Dallas Cowboys, so who are their other sports analogs?
Scottish World Cup fans reportedly drink Boston dry
Dana Perino announces that Scottish World Cup fans have caused an unprecedented beer shortage in Boston, emptying bars and liquor stores. Jesse Watters playfully observes that Europeans visiting America seem to “love it,” despite negative media portrayals, while Greg Gutfeld adds a satirical comment about “liberal mayors” and local resource management, contrasting Boston’s beer woes with LA’s water and Chicago’s Bears.
FOX Soccer analyst Kasper Schmeichel came prepared for this year’s World Cup on American soil.
The former Danish goalkeeper may not be from around these parts, but that didn’t stop him from dropping an eerily accurate comparison between two overconfident but long-suffering sports programs.
With England and Croatia warming up inside AT&T Stadium, the home of the Dallas Cowboys, Schmeichel decided he would roast two fanbases with one stone, comparing the Cowboys to the Three Lions with a hilarious one-liner.
Funny, but also painfully true if you’re a supporter of either team.
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I made a comparison last week between the English national team and Notre Dame, but Schmeichel got me thinking, who are the sports analogs to England from the four major North American leagues (NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA)?
Today, I will be doing exactly that, including giving a slightly better NFL comp than the Cowboys (shocking, I know).
Without further ado, let’s piss off our neighbors from across the pond.
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NFL – Chicago Bears
Chicago Bears helmets are displayed before the game against the Las Vegas Raiders at Allegiant Stadium in Paradise, Nev., on Sept. 28, 2025. (Kiyoshi Mio/Imagn Images)
While the Dallas Cowboys are a fine comparison for the English national soccer team, I think I can do one better.
Schmeichel mentioned that England “won it once and have never stopped talking about it,” and although the second part of that statement applies to both, the Cowboys are five-time Super Bowl champions, having won it most recently in January 1996, a good three decades after England.
If you really want a team that more accurately mirrors the hard luck of the English, it would have to be the Chicago Bears.
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They have one Super Bowl win to their name, which came 40 years ago, and really don’t have much else to show for it.
Also, having lived in the DFW area for the better part of a decade, I can confidently say Cowboys fans are a little too arrogant and cocky to be compared to the English.
Sure, England will say things like “it’s coming home,” but they are far more self-deprecating and aware of their faults, even nihilistic in some cases.
The Bears hang onto their history because they know things will inevitably go bad for them on the biggest stage.
Speaking of which…
NHL – Toronto Maple Leafs
Spencer Carbery, assistant coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, looks on from the bench during the third period against the Washington Capitals at Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, Ont., on April 14, 2022. (Kevin Sousa/NHLI via Getty Images)
The Toronto Maple Leafs actually line up with England more closely than either fanbase would like to admit.
While the Leafs have a litany of Stanley Cups to their name, their most recent win was back in 1967, less than a full year after England won their first and only World Cup.
As far as expectations go, both constantly go into their respective tournaments with the weight of the world on their shoulders, only to come crashing down in the most horrific ways imaginable.
For the Leafs, it comes in the form of blowing big leads in the playoffs, while English fans and players alike can’t even hear the words “penalty kicks” without having a mental breakdown.
England and Toronto are both long-suffering cities, but their fans keep showing up expecting a different outcome.
Insanity? No, just sports fandom.
NBA – New York Knicks
Jalen Brunson of the New York Knicks celebrates a three-point basket with Karl-Anthony Towns during Game Two of the 2026 NBA Finals at Frost Bank Center in San Antonio, Texas, on June 5, 2026. (Ronald Cortes/Getty Images)
This one would have been an even better comparison if the New York Knicks hadn’t gone and won the whole damn thing this year, but these two sports teams are still eerily similar.
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Think of the Knicks’ 2026 NBA Championship run as a window into what it would look like if England captured a World Cup (on American soil, no less).
Before this year, the Knicks famously had not won a Larry O’Brien trophy in over 50 years, yet they were still considered one of the “blue bloods” of the NBA.
Decades of heartache didn’t change that; it only made their fans more insufferable, but their triumph earlier this month in the NBA Finals exorcised all those demons.
THE ATHLETIC BEWILDERINGLY CELEBRATES ‘ZOHRAN MAMDANI SPORTS SUMMER’ AFTER NEW YORK KNICKS WIN NBA FINALS
A win in the World Cup Finals would probably do the same for England fans, as you could probably feel that sigh of relief from the other side of the Atlantic.
MLB – New York Mets
New York Mets outfielder Juan Soto reacts after scoring a run on an RBI double by infielder Bo Bichette against the San Francisco Giants during the first inning at Oracle Park in San Francisco, Calif., on April 2, 2026. (Robert Edwards/Imagn Images)
Hello again, New York.
The Big Apple certainly has its fair share of winners, but it also has plenty of franchises that are aching to make a trip back down the Canyon of Heroes, none more so than the Mets.
Year after year, the Mets are near the top of MLB in terms of spending, with little to show for their efforts.
WATCH THE WORLD CUP FINAL ON FOX ONE
They won a World Series back in 1986 and have been chasing that high ever since.
The common thread between England and the Mets (along with all the other teams on this list) is expectations relative to results, and it seems like the Mets are sort of a Schrödinger’s baseball franchise in that regard, expected to both compete for a World Series with their high-priced talent and flame out in spectacular fashion all the same.
FOX ONE’S NEW WORLD CUP VIEWING EXPERIENCE
England always has flashy players heading into World Cup play, but the results haven’t been there, and they’ve often been sent home in brutal fashion, offering a great parallel to the Mets’ clockwork-like midsummer swoons and late-season meltdowns.
Dallas, TX
Dallas millionaire files lawsuit against groundwater district
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Two companies tied to a Dallas investor filed a federal lawsuit to lift a moratorium in an ongoing East Texas water dispute, alleging a groundwater district has illegally blocked their efforts to extract water from beneath land they own.
This is the latest legal action taken in a growing battle over groundwater resources in East Texas.
Kyle Bass, a venture capitalist and owner of Redtown Ranch Holdings LLC and Pine Bliss LLC, is seeking to end a moratorium on large-scale water extraction projects imposed by the Neches & Trinity Valleys Groundwater Conservation District. The lawsuit, filed through Redtown Ranch and Pine Bliss, argues that the conservation district violated the constitutional rights of Bass and his companies by denying access to water beneath the land and also seeks an undisclosed amount of compensation.
Redtown Ranch and Pine Bliss, both funded by Bass’ private equity firm Conservation Equity Management, filed permits with the Neches & Trinity Valleys Groundwater Conservation District to drill 43 water wells across two counties that, when fully operational, could extract billions of gallons of water from the Carrizo-Wilcox Aquifer.
“What we’re trying to do here is just prevent the district from weaponizing its regulatory power to strip my clients of their property rights,” said Mollie Mallory, an attorney with Tillotson Patton, the law firm representing Redtown Ranch and Pine Bliss LLC. “The whole purpose here is just to hold them accountable and to get them to follow their own rules.”
Bass said he hasn’t been treated fairly by the district despite following its rules for years. He said the roadblocks enacted by the district, such as the moratorium, prevented his company from testing the groundwater beneath land he owns.
“This is bigger than just what happened to me,” Bass wrote in a statement to The Texas Tribune. “My lawsuit is about protecting the property rights of all Texas landowners and making clear that government regulators cannot simply change the rules to pick winners and losers.”
The groundwater district had not been served with the new lawsuit as of Wednesday afternoon, said Holli Pryor-Baze of Skelton Slusher Barnhill Watkins Wells PLLC, the attorney representing the groundwater district.
“We certainly disagree with the allegations, but are not prepared to say more than that,” she said.
A board meeting for the district will be held next week, at which time Pryor-Baze said she hoped to have been served and given time to think through the lawsuit.
Battle over water rights
The lawsuit follows a yearslong battle over groundwater access that reached a fevered pitch during the second special session of the 2025 legislative session in August. State lawmakers at the time tried and failed to set a statewide moratorium on projects of this magnitude until the state could study its aquifers to determine how much water is available and how quickly the groundwater supply replenishes.
It all began when Conservation Equity Management purchased thousands of acres in Houston, Anderson and Henderson counties with the intent to drill 43 high-capacity water wells. The latter two counties are represented by a groundwater conservation district that gave initial approvals for the project to move forward because the applications were administratively complete, a legal term meaning they were filled out properly.
The project drew the ire of East Texans, who were already angry at a number of Dallas-area organizations seeking to extract water from the region. But poultry producer Wayne-Sanderson Farms LLC, which has operations in East Texas, sued to stop the project, claiming that the wells would drain the area of its main water source and impact its operations. Wayne-Sanderson Farms uses water from the Carrizo-Wilcox Aquifer for its processing plants and feed mills.
A district judge approved a settlement between the groundwater conservation district and Sanderson Farms and barred the district from approving certain applications until the aquifer could be studied. It also voided the original decision that the applications were administratively complete.
Then, on May 21, 2026, the district adopted a resolution calling for a moratorium on any “new non-exempt groundwater permit applications.” This moratorium prevents the district from taking action on applications for projects that don’t provide water for local use, such as for households, agriculture or local businesses.
The moratorium will end in October or when the district finishes reviewing and updating its rules — whichever is later. The district is in the process of doing so right now, Pryor-Baze said.
Conservation Equity Management sued to vacate the judge’s moratorium, then filed the latest lawsuit to stop the district’s moratorium in federal court in Tyler on July 7.
The goal is to allow Pine Bliss and Redtown Ranch to finish the administrative process as laid out in the district’s bylaws. This would include going through the State Office of Administrative Hearings before beginning operations.
“We would just continue down that road with the hope that we eventually get to do exploratory drilling to see what water is on their land,” Mallory said.
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Dallas, TX
Role Call: Tyrus Wheat looking to make most of second stint with Cowboys
(Editor’s Note: As part of the preparation for training camp, this series will introduce 25 players who are new to the Cowboys’ roster, rookies and veterans alike. We’ll continue with outside linebacker Tyrus Wheat.)
The 2026 season will mark a homecoming for Wheat, who is now back in Dallas for his second stint with the Cowboys. As an undrafted free agent out of Mississippi State, Wheat signed with the Cowboys in 2023 on the practice squad before quickly being signed to the active roster a few months afterwards.
In his rookie season, Wheat saw a majority of his snaps come on special teams with 197, and only 31 snaps on defense. That would flip in his second season, with 165 snaps on defense and 46 on special teams. Through two years, Wheat played in 20 games and tallied 18 tackles and half a sack before spending a year with the Lions in 2025.
As is true across all levels of football, you can never have enough pass rushers. Wheat gives the Cowboys another pass rusher, who has the added ability to be able to help out on special teams as well as a blocker on kickoffs.
As for how much he’ll be in the defensive rotation, that’ll have to be something he earns in training camp. The Cowboys have some younger pass rushers ahead of him now like Donovan Ezeiruaku and first-round pick Malachi Lawrence, so there’ll need to be some proving done. That said, Wheat is also coming off his best year yet with the Lions. Will it be enough to find a role in the pass rush rotation? Oxnard will give us a good idea of that.
- Wheat played a vital special teams role for the Lions last season, tallying 11 special teams tackles which was the third-most for Detroit in 2025. He played a career-high 215 special teams snaps in order to get to that point.
- Wheat’s one and only season away from the Cowboys thus far in his career saw him play in 15 games for the Lions, where he also tallied a career-high 15 tackles and 1.5 sacks despite only playing 66 defensive snaps.
- After wearing 91 in his first stint with Dallas, Wheat returns to the Cowboys wearing 90 now, which was last worn by defensive tackle Solomon Thomas.
Dallas, TX
Detroit Pistons trade Marcus Sasser to Dusty May’s Dallas Mavericks
Detroit Pistons introduce second-round pick Ugonna Onyenso
Detroit Pistons rookie second-round pick Ugonna Onyenso is introduced to members of the media July 6, 2026.
The Detroit Pistons have traded a third player this summer.
The Pistons agreed to deal 25-year-old combo guard Marcus Sasser to the Dallas Mavericks, coached by ex-Michigan coach Dusty May, on Tuesday, July 7, according to ESPN. The Pistons are also sending a protected 2028 second-round pick to the Los Angeles Clippers.
This comes as part of a complex six-team trade that includes the Pistons dealing Caris LeVert in a salary-saving move to the Milwaukee Bucks on Tuesday evening. The six-team trade also involves the previously reported moves of the Pistons trading Isaiah Stewart to the Memphis Grizzlies and the Pistons’ acquisition of John Collins from the Clippers.
The Pistons generate a trade exception worth $15 million in the trade-palooza, a person with first-hand knowledge told the Free Press, granted anonymity because they are not authorized to speak publicly. The trade exception is worth the same amount as Stewart’s outgoing salary for 2026-27 and allows the Pistons to take in salary up to $15 million without having to send any back. It expires in exactly one year.
Sasser joins a Mavs backcourt where Kyrie Irving is the starting lead guard, and could compete with second-year undrafted guard Ryan Nembhard for the backup role.
Sasser, who the Pistons traded up to draft 25th overall out of Houston in 2023 under previous general manager Troy Weaver, averaged 5.2 points and shot 41.5% from 3. He is on an expiring contract worth $5.2 million from his four-year, $13.5 million rookie deal.
When called upon, Sasser proved he can play. The 6-foot-1, 195-pounder was one of the team’s best shooters, but only appeared in 38 games last season due to injury and the Pistons’ depth at guard.
Pistons president of basketball operations Trajan Langdon indicated a desire to add more ball-handling and shooting this offseason, after a 60-22 season ended in Game 7 of the second round.
Sasser’s path to minutes wasn’t going to get easier following the addition of first-round pick Ebuka Okorie, a 19-year-old from Stanford, whom the Pistons traded up four spots to draft No. 17 overall.
Then, Langdon traded for one of the NBA’s best 3-point shooters in guard Isaiah Joe in a deal with the Oklahoma City Thunder.
Sasser, who was out of the playoff rotation until Game 5 of the second round, sparked the Pistons in Game 6 at Cleveland, pouring in nine points on 4-for-5 shooting in 18 minutes in a win-or-go-home setting. He played 23 minutes in Game 7, scoring nine points on 3-for-12 shooting in a 125-94 blowout loss to the Cavaliers at home.
Pistons roster moves this offseason
The Pistons have turned over much of the roster this summer through the draft and NBA free agency.
Here’s who they’ve added and who they’ve lost:
Lost
- Traded Marcus Sasser (Mavericks)
- Traded Caris LeVert (Bucks)
- Traded Isaiah Stewart (Grizzlies)
- Tobias Harris (Spurs)
Added
- Drafted Ebuka Okorie (No. 17)
- Drafted Ugonna Onyenso (No. 53, two-way contract)
- Acquired Isaiah Joe (Thunder)
- Acquired John Collins (Clippers)
- Acquired Taurean Prince (Bucks)
- Acquired Gary Harris (Bucks)
The Pistons also re-signed bench wings Kevin Huerter and Javonte Green.
Pistons depth chart
The Pistons have 16 players on their 15-man roster, plus two of three two-way slots filled. Here’s where their depth chart currently stands as of Wednesday morning:
*Jalen Duren remains unsigned as a restricted free agent.
- PG: Cade Cunningham, Daniss Jenkins, Ebuka Okorie.
- SG: Duncan Robinson, Isaiah Joe, Javonte Green, Chaz Lanier, Gary Harris.
- SF: Ausar Thompson, Ron Holland, Kevin Huerter, Taurean Prince.
- PF: John Collins, Isaac Jones (two-way).
- C: *Jalen Duren, Paul Reed, Tolu Smith, Ugonna Onyenso (two-way).
[ MUST WATCH: Make “The Pistons Pulse” your go-to Pistons podcast, listen available anywhere you listen to podcasts (Apple, Spotify) or watch live on YouTube. ]
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