Sometimes I forget that Ashley is on this show, on account of it making no sense that she is. But whenever she appears, I have a blast. She’s continuously confused about its premise, will burst into tears for no reason, and truly sees it as an opportunity to finally make friends in Rhode Island — no matter how misguided that intention may be. This week, she and Jared are shopping at a restaurant supply store and planning a trivia night at Audrey’s when Rosie calls her to tell her about how poorly things went with Kelsey. Being a sensible person, Ashley suggests that perhaps Kelsey’s siren was an attempt at humor, but Rosie maintains that she wasn’t trying to be funny. The editors then cut to Kelsey saying, “Rosie, it was a joke.” Perfect.

But the big shock of the episode comes when Rulla leaves her house to meet Alicia at the beach… on camera, even! Sure, she immediately drops her phone in the ocean, but these things happen. Alicia tells her that her daughter is at a female empowerment camp, and Rulla correctly says that Alicia should have gone with her — especially if she plans on vying for a stake in Pizza Mamma. But what I really love about this scene is that as they walk along the shore, Alicia suddenly says, “Amanda?” and Jo-Ellen’s neighbor (with whom she had a falling out) saunters over. This is why I love Rhode Island so much. They weren’t lying when they said everybody knows each other, which creates such a rich tapestry of deep ties. This stroll also marks the second time Alicia has seen Rulla since the video, and she still can’t bring herself to tell her about it. Will she ever? Only time will tell.

Liz, Jo-Ellen, and Kelsey then go on a triple date with their respective partners, where Liz asks the waiter for “The gin drink they make me at the bar with pomegranate and extra lemons,” adding that the bartender will know what she’s talking about. Aspirational. They kick off the meal as you’d expect: by Googling what a slam pig is. It’s a relief that I wasn’t the only one who had to research after last week’s episode, and that it’s such a deep cut that there are even locals who aren’t in the loop. “A promiscuous woman, typically overweight or ugly, and only sought after for pumping and dumping,” the definition says. This show is nothing if not educational.

The conversation then turns to whether or not it’s normal for Kelsey’s ex to keep paying for her life — and of course it’s not. Though an argument I can get behind is that it’s basically the equivalent of common law alimony, and while I do think Kelsey is right to be milking this for all it’s worth, let’s not pretend it’s normal. While she says she doesn’t have to do anything in return, there is a footnote. She says in her confessional that if things were to get more serious with Bill, her ex would stop paying — so it doesn’t seem like this arrangement is quite as “no strings attached” as she’d like to make it seem. And now we can’t help but wonder if her ex’s financial involvement has (or will have) an impact on the trajectory of her and Bill’s relationship. But again, it’s a tough deal to pass up. “I don’t want to be homeless like Alicia,” Kelsey says, bringing the conversation back to the story Alicia told them in Newport. Liz and Jo-Ellen’s husband, both of whom grew up with Alicia’s family, maintain that she was never homeless  — but we’ll get into all of that more later.

First, it’s time for trivia at Ashley and Jared’s coffee shop. “Aubrey’s is so cute, I love Aubrey’s,” Alicia says about Audrey’s (with a D). The first trivia question is so apropos that I can’t help but wonder if production had a hand in writing it, but even fresh off of the “slam pig” heard ‘round the world, the table is unable to remember that the pig in Toy Story is named Hamm. Tough. But speak of the devil, in walks Kelsey with a tiara and sash that reads, “Miss Slam Pig.” After that, Jared’s trivia didn’t stand a chance

Everybody’s there, except Rulla of course, who refuses to appear more than once per episode (and didn’t want to see Jo-Ellen) — and the women all instantly start shifting back and forth between the two tables that were arranged to keep Rosie and Kelsey separated. The conversation is strictly about their drama, despite Ashley’s attempts to keep trivia alive by asking them the name of a big blue bug. “I think it’s just a big blue bug,” Alicia replies. Soon enough, Rosie and Kelsey are screaming at each other again and bedlam breaks out. Ashley is behind the counter crying to Jared, and wonders, “Can’t we just have a normal conversation that isn’t about drama?” If that was a trivia question, I’d get it right: the answer is NO, on account of this literally being the Real Housewives. “Oink oink motherfucker,” Kelsey yells, as the rest of the women congregate under the table to hide from the bickering, until Rosie finally storms out. Not a single question was correctly answered the entire time, by the way.

Back at Alicia’s house, she’s put together a business plan to try to convince Billy to give her a stake in Pizza Mamma… in the form of a tri-fold poster board. “Number one, what made Pizza Mamma different than any other pizza restaurant?” she asks, before pointing to the word “chandeliers” on the science fair-esque project. If I were a Shark Tank shark, I’d hand over millions of dollars instantly, even before she got to the heart-shaped pizzas and new uniforms. After the presentation, the pair sits down to actually get into business, and Alicia explains that she wants to set an example of independence for Celina rather than be dependent on a man, the same way her mother was. Just like we saw with Jo-Ellen, we’re seeing another example on this show of breaking generational cycles.

A lot of this conversation revolves around trust, and the question of whether or not Billy trusts her as a businessperson. In turn, Alicia wants a stake in part because she can’t trust any man not to abandon her the way that her father did — so this desire for involvement comes from a very deep place. “You came in and made it magical, and I agree that you should be compensated for that,” Billy finally says, agreeing to give her a percentage of his stake in Pizza Mamma — the terms of which she writes out on a notepad. That’s all good and well, but I won’t be content until I know this is all spelled out in a legally binding contract.

Meanwhile, Rosie calls Ashley to apologize for the blowup that happened at trivia, and says that she’s inviting all of the women to Rich’s show in South Boston. Well, all of the women except Kelsey, obviously. And naturally, Rulla never got back to her because, as we know, Rulla does not film. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Rulla only found out about the existence of this show when it started airing. Honestly, I don’t even care who’s there, I’m just glad we’re finally going to get to hear Rich sing in his little pinky ring — so long as we’re able to hear him over the fight that’s sure to break out in the front row.

Jo-Ellen, Liz, and Alicia carpool together to the gig, bringing along a massive, loose charcuterie board into the SUV with them, which they prop up between the two seats. “You know, I love a slam pig. I’ve been saying that since my whole life. My mother said that,” Alicia says, as they talk about Rosie and Kelsey’s feud. Then, in the middle of the conversation, Liz SCREAMS because she thought they were speeding into the car in front of them.

But that’s not the only screaming she does on this ride, because soon the conversation turns to Alicia’s childhood trauma, and once again Liz starts disagreeing with her use of the word “homeless.” But before they get into this, Liz chaotically switches seats with Jo-Ellen on the highway so she can sit next to Alicia. “We had no home, that’s homeless,” Alicia says, upset that Liz chose to pick apart her wording rather than have empathy for the story she was sharing. Though she struggles to articulate this in the car, Liz clarifies in her confessional that she’s harping on the word choice because she thinks Alicia’s family (and the country watching at home) would take issue with that phrasing.

Those alleged good intentions don’t resonate in the moment, and Alicia starts crying while Jo-Ellen attempts to mediate the situation from the backseat. After all, they have a full Frank Sinatra tribute act to get through after this, but all that does is irritate Liz further. I guess in a way it’s fitting to kick off Sinatra night by saying somethin’ stupid.