New Hampshire: So, So Awesome, Though I Did Lose My Nerve for a Time – Part I – The Trek

This is a story not about scenic views, wildflowers, animals, people met, towns encountered, but some reality, at least mine, of things we often do not talk about in the hiking community. In retrospect, the first 1,800+ miles headed north on my thru hike of the Appalachian Trail (AT) were certainly taxing and replete with various challenges that I had to work through, learn from, and make adjustments. However, realistically not much on the AT at that point, and per my years of previous hiking experiences, prepared me mentally for what I would encounter in New Hampshire.

More idyllic New Hampshire. Not so fast, Mr. Hiker guy, can’t do the same moves as before.

New Hampshire Hiking

Frankly, New Hampshire is a beast and I do mean that in a positive and respectful manner. The hiking in New Hampshire is so technically difficult from other areas within the U.S. and abroad that I have hiked. It seemed like I was constantly bouldering, scrambling, using handholds, fording high, swift creeks/rivers, navigating massive descents with no “guardrails,” or in May encountering hour-by-hour changing weather (e.g., snow, hail, sleet, rain, wind).

A granite face. Down we go.

Crazy Descent

When I hike, I do carry with me a healthy dose of fear, which I find to be positive. For me, fear operates as a navigating tool related to risks, focusing my mind, calming my emotional state, or strengthening my thought processes/decision-making.

On a few AT sections early on in New Hampshire, such as the northbound massive descent (Beaver Brook Cascades) down from Mount Moosilauke in a snow and sleet storm, my revolve and fear-cooping mechanisms seemed to become a negative version of “scared” with every step given the large amounts of this winter’s snow and ice, slippery rock faces, micro spikes and/or trial runners not adhering well to granite, and so on. In my mind, and probably quite true given the weather and trail conditions, danger of a fall, injury, or worse appeared to be at every turn and step. A 3+ mile very steep descent turned into a 3 to 4 hour mental stress test that I am pretty sure I “failed.”

Snow and ice up and down the mountain.

I was warned.

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Rising Waters

The next day, I hiked about 17 miles from Kinsman Notch to Franconia Notch, and it had rained a lot in that section of the AT during the previous two days. During my ascent of Mount Kinsman, it continued to rain and rain. I must of forded 6 to 8 rivers, or maybe just the same river that amount of times, but as the day wore on, the water levels in these river(s) kept rising. I am almost 6’3” tall and by the end of the hiking day, I was fording river water mid- to upper-thigh and in super swift conditions. Again, like the previous Mousilauke experience, my positive fear started to become something more negative and mentally paralyzing thinking about the inherent risk involved in fording a deep, swift river late in the day and with no other option to get to the other side of a flooded out AT.

Various extremely sketchy river fords.

A Reset

After these experiences, and frankly losing my confidence, I took a few days off to level set, so I stayed at the wonderful Notch Hostel. To date, the Notch is my favorite hostel on the trail. The staff were so welcoming, warm, and always available. The hostel was super clean and friendly and had very fair expectations related to how hikers et al. should live there as well as treat the hostel environment. After at reset, I went back out and did a 27-mile hike in a few days of the famed Franconia Ridge over Mounts Lafayette and Lincoln, South Twin Mountain, and others. This was a very challenging hike, but one that I needed to do to gain my nerve back and reestablish mentally my healthy level of fear instead of hiking scared per possible ‘what if’ scenarios of serious injury and beyond.

Moving into Part II

So, in the end, it was fine to lose my nerve for a time and be scared in certain hiking situations. The key for me was in recognizing the latter state, trying to mentally review the circumstances, and learn from these experiences. Then, I needed to physically go back out in challenging conditions and hike. I feel really good about New Hampshire and what is to come on the AT. My part II, if you will, will be informed from my part I. I can’t wait for more of New Hampshire.

A new day rising.

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