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Which 24 Cleveland restaurants, stores had the most food inspection violations in 2023-2024?

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Which 24 Cleveland restaurants, stores had the most food inspection violations in 2023-2024?


CLEVELAND, Ohio — Here are the Cleveland restaurants and retailers cited with the most food inspection violations during the 2022-2023 inspection year ending Feb. 28, according to state records.

More than 2,300 places were cited during the most recent inspection year, but only a third received more than 10 citations.

The places listed below are the 24 with the most violations, with the top spot being cited with 97 violations.

This is the first in a 2024 series of stories highlighting food inspection violations in Cuyahoga and surrounding counties on cleveland.com. To see previous inspection years, visit 2022-2023, 2021-2022, 2018-2019, 2017-2018, 2016-17, and 2015-16. The annual reporting was paused for two years during the pandemic, initially because so many restaurants had closed temporarily.

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Some violations are minor and some can be disturbing. Many problems can be fixed at the time of the inspection, so any corrected violation was not included in the final count if a citation was not issued.

Health inspectors cannot impose fines, but health departments can suspend or revoke operating licenses.

The most crucial violations identified as “critical” are those that “may immediately lead to a foodborne illness,” state health officials say. The last time the list of critical inspection codes was updated in 2019.

To learn how this list was put together, visit this page. To review inspection information for yourself, visit Cleveland’s health department database.

Greek Orthodox Church, 2187 W. 14th St., Cleveland, OH 44113Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

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No. 23 (tie) – 51 violations – Greek Orthodox Church

Greek Orthodox Church, 2187 W. 14th St., had 51 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Apr. 19, 2023 – 25 violations, including 5 critical.

– Apr. 24, 2023 – 7 violations, including 1 critical.

– Apr. 25, 2023 – 4 violations, including 0 critical.

– June 28, 2023 – 1 violations, including 0 critical.

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– Oct. 27, 2023 – 11 violations, including 3 critical.

Nov. 13, 2023 – 3 violations, including 0 critical.

Teriyaki Express, 7060 Denison AVE

Teriyaki Express, 7060 Denison Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 23 (tie) – 51 violations – Teriyaki Express

Teriyaki Express, 7060 Denison Ave. had 51 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Aug. 17, 2023 – 17 violations, including 5 critical.

– Dec. 14, 2023 – 34 violations, including 8 critical.

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Family Dollar Store, 1250 E. 105th St., Cleveland, OH 44108

Family Dollar Store, 1250 E. 105th St., ClevelandZachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 22 – 52 violations – Family Dollar Store

Family Dollar Store, 1250 E. 105th St, had 54 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Apr. 24, 2023 – 10 violations, including 1 critical.

– May 18, 2023 – 2 violations, including 0 critical.

– Jan. 3, 2024 – 14 violations, including 1 critical.

– Jan. 5, 2024 – 14 violations, including 1 critical.

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– Jan. 8, 2024 – 10 violations, including 1 critical.

– Jan. 11, 2024 – 2 violations, including 0 critical.

McCarthy's Ale House, 1231 Main Ave

McCarthy’s Ale House, 1231 Main Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 21 – 54 violations – McCarthy’s Ale House

McCarthy’s Ale House, 1231 Main Ave., had 54 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– July 13, 2023 – 26 violations, including 4 critical.

– July 19, 2023 – 16 violations, including 1 critical.

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– Jan. 18, 2024 – 12 violations, including 3 critical.

Mom's Family Restaurant, Cleveland

Mom’s Family Restaurant, 6512 Clark Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 19 (tie) – 55 violations – Mom’s Family Restaurant

Mom’s Family Restaurant, 6512 Clark Ave., had 55 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Sept. 12, 2023 – 26 violations, including 7 critical.

– Sept. 15, 2023 – 8 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 5, 2024 – 21 violations, including 5 critical.

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LincolnPark Pub, 2609 W 14th St, Cleveland, OH 44113

Lincoln Park Pub, 2609 W. 14th St.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 19 (tie) – 55 violations – Lincoln Park Pub

Lincoln Park Pub, 2609 W. 14th St., had 55 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– July 6, 2023 – 33 violations, including 4 critical.

– July 11, 2023 – 14 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 12, 2024 – 8 violations, including 2 critical.

Music Box Supper Club, 1148 Main Avenue

Music Box Supper Club, 1148 Main Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 18 – 56 violations – Music Box Supper Club

Music Box Supper Club, 1148 Main Ave., had 56 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

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– Oct. 10, 2023 – 10 violations, including 3 critical.

– Jan. 10, 2024 – 37 violations, including 7 critical.

– Jan. 17, 2024 – 9 violations, including 1 critical.

Speedy Gas, 14001 Lakewood Heights BLVD

Speedy Gas, 14001 Lakewood Heights Blvd.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 17 – 60 violations – Speedy Gas

Speedy Gas, 14001 Lakewood Heights Blvd., had 60 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Apr. 13, 2023 – 21 violations, including 5 critical.

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– Apr. 17, 2023 – 17 violations, including 5 critical.

– Apr. 20, 2023 – 8 violations, including 2 critical.

– Feb. 21, 2024 – 14 violations, including 2 critical.

Café Everest, 14304 Puritas AVE

Café Everest, 14304 Puritas Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 15 (tie) – 61 violations – Cafe Everest

Cafe Everest, 14304 Puritas Ave., had 61 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Apr. 19, 2023 – 21 violations, including 3 critical.

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– Apr. 25, 2023 – 15 violations, including 2 critical.

– June 21, 2023 – 17 violations, including 2 critical.

– Aug. 2, 2023 – 7 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 21, 2024 – 1 violations, including 0 critical.

B & M BBQ, 840 E 105th St

B & M BBQ, 840 E. 105th St.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 15 (tie) – 61 violations – B&M Bar-B-Q

B&M Bar-B-Q, 840 E. 105th St., had 61 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

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– June 7, 2023 – 18 violations, including 1 critical.

– July 13, 2023 – 16 violations, including 0 critical.

– Aug. 4, 2023 – 15 violations, including 0 critical.

– Aug. 7, 2023 – 8 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 6, 2024 – 4 violations, including 0 critical.

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S & R Market, 9901 Loretta Ave

S & R Market, 9901 Loretta Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 14 – 62 violations – S&R Market

S&R Market, 9901 Loretta Ave., had 62 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Mar. 17, 2023 – 13 violations, including 1 critical.

– June 29, 2023 – 13 violations, including 1 critical.

– Aug. 9, 2023 – 13 violations, including 1 critical.

– Oct. 11, 2023 – 13 violations, including 2 critical.

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– Oct. 30, 2023 – 10 violations, including 1 critical.

George's Kitchen, Cleveland

George’s Kitchen, 13101 Triskett RoadZachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 13 – 64 violations – George’s Kitchen

George’s Kitchen, 13101 Triskett Road, had 64 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Mar. 10, 2023 – 9 violations, including 2 critical.

– July 28, 2023 – 9 violations, including 2 critical.

– Aug. 7, 2023 – 6 violations, including 0 critical.

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– Aug. 15, 2023 – 6 violations, including 1 critical.

– Aug. 21, 2023 – 7 violations, including 1 critical.

– Aug. 31, 2023 – 4 violations, including 0 critical.

– Oct. 6, 2023 – 7 violations, including 1 critical.

– Nov. 8, 2023 – 6 violations, including 1 critical.

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– Nov. 14, 2023 – 5 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 22, 2024 – 4 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 27, 2024 – 1 violations, including 0 critical.

Dennys, 4331 W 150th Street

Dennys, 4331 W. 150th St.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 11 (tie) – 65 violations – Denny’s

Denny’s, 4331 W. 150th St., had 65 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Apr. 3, 2023 – 30 violations, including 5 critical.

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– Apr. 6, 2023 – 18 violations, including 0 critical.

– Sept. 6, 2023 – 17 violations, including 1 critical.

Parkwood Drive Thru, 11003 Superior Avenue

Parkwood Drive Thru, 11003 Superior Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 11 (tie) – 65 violations – Parkwood Drive Thru

Parkwood Drive Thru, 11003 Superior Ave., had 65 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– May 18, 2023 – 28 violations, including 7 critical.

– May 22, 2023 – 13 violations, including 1 critical.

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– May 31, 2023 – 9 violations, including 2 critical.

– June 6, 2023 – 5 violations, including 1 critical.

– July 25, 2023 – 1 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 4, 2024 – 9 violations, including 3 critical.

Deesee, 7310 Lorain Avenue

Deesee, 7310 Lorain AvenueZachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 10 – 71 violations – Deesee, Inc.

Deesee, Inc., 7310 Lorain Ave., had 71 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show. A gas station and convenience store operate at this address.

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– Sept. 26, 2023 – 42 violations, including 2 critical.

– Sept. 27, 2023 – 8 violations, including 0 critical.

– Oct. 2, 2023 – 8 violations, including 0 critical.

– Oct. 30, 2023 – 7 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 17, 2023 – 6 violation, including 2 critical.

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No. 9 – 73 violations – Indie East 4th

Indie East 4th, 2038 E. Fourth St., had 73 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show. Note: This location and its successor under the same owner have closed.

– Mar. 2, 2023 – 5 violations, including 2 critical.

– Oct. 4, 2023 – 28 violations, including 11 critical.

– Oct. 5, 2023 – 30 violations, including 10 critical.

– Oct. 27, 2023 – 10 violations, including 0 critical.

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J.J. Grab and Go, 4282 W 130th St

J.J. Grab and Go, 4282 W. 130th St.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 7 (tie) – 74 violations – J.J. Grab and Go

J.J. Grab and Go, 4282 W. 130th St., had 74 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Apr. 21, 2023 – 25 violations, including 3 critical.

– Apr. 27, 2023 – 22 violations, including 3 critical.

– May 4, 2023 – 16 violations, including 0 critical.

– Feb. 18, 2024 – 11 violations, including 1 critical.

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Shooters, 1148 Main Avenue

Shooters, 1148 Main Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 7 (tie) – 74 violations – Shooters

Shooters, 1148 Main Ave., had 74 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Aug. 29, 2023 – 53 violations, including 8 critical.

– Sept. 5, 2023 – 5 violations, including 0 critical.

– Jan. 17, 2024 – 16 violations, including 2 critical.

JAMS Kitchen, 15115 Puritas Ave

JAMS Kitchen, 15115 Puritas Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 6 – 77 violations – JAMS Kitchen

JAMS Kitchen, 15115 Puritas Ave., had 77 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

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– June 22, 2023 – 32 violations, including 4 critical.

– July 21, 2023 – 19 violations, including 1 critical.

– July 26, 2023 – 10 violations, including 0 critical.

– Aug. 24, 2023 – 3 violations, including 0 critical.

– Jan. 2, 2024 – 8 violations, including 0 critical.

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– Feb. 6, 2024 – 5 violations, including 0 critical.

Fat Cats, 2061 W 10th St, Cleveland, OH 44113

Fat Cats, 2061 W. 10th St., Cleveland, OH 44113Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 5 – 78 violations – Fat Cats

Fat Cats, 2061 W. 10th St., had 78 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– June 27, 2023 – 35 violations, including 7 critical.

– June 28, 2023 – 15 violations, including 1 critical.

– July 7, 2023 – 2 violations, including 0 critical.

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– Sept. 5, 2023 – 1 violations, including 0 critical.

– Jan. 16, 2024 – 20 violations, including 5 critical.

– Jan. 22, 2024 – 5 violations, including 0 critical.

Wyndham Cleveland Airport, Cleveland

Wyndham Cleveland Airport, 4277 W. 150th St.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 4 – 84 violations – Wyndham Cleveland Airport

Wyndham Cleveland Airport, 4277 W. 150th St., had 84 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Mar. 17, 2023 – 29 violations, including 6 critical.

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– Sept. 5, 2023 – 33 violations, including 6 critical.

– Sept. 8, 2023 – 16 violations, including 1 critical.

– Sept. 11, 2023 – 6 violations, including 0 critical.

Sunoco has one of the highest health inspector violation counts in Cleveland.

Sunoco Family Foods Express, 3363 E. 93rd St. in KinsmanZachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 3 – 90 violations – Sunoco Family Foods Express, Kinsman

Sunoco Family Foods Express, 3363 E. 93rd St. in Kinsman, had 90 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– Mar. 30, 2023 – 27 violations, including 4 critical.

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– Apr. 5, 2023 – 12 violations, including 0 critical.

– Sept. 18, 2023 – 31 violations, including 3 critical.

– Sept. 21, 2023 – 20 violations, including 0 critical.

Tick Tock Tavern has one of the highest health inspector violation counts in Cleveland.

Tick Tock Tavern, 11526 Clifton Blvd.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 2 – 91 violations – Tick Tock Tavern

Tick Tock Tavern, 11526 Clifton Blvd., had 91 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

– May 25, 2023 – 33 violations, including 5 critical.

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– May 31, 2023 – 7 violations, including 0 critical.

– June 13, 2023 – 4 violations, including 0 critical.

– Dec. 4, 2023 – 38 violations, including 8 critical.

– Dec. 7, 2023 – 9 violations, including 1 critical.

Indian Delight has one of the highest health inspector violation counts in Cleveland.

Indian Delight, 5507 Detroit Ave.Zachary Smith, Cleveland.com

No. 1 – 97 violations – Indian Delight

Indian Delight, 5507 Detroit Ave., had 97 food inspection violations during the inspection year from Mar. 2023 through Feb. 2024, state records show.

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– Sept. 21, 2023 – 44 violations, including 4 critical.

– Sept. 25, 2023 – 13 violations, including 1 critical.

– Oct. 2, 2023 – 10 violations, including 1 critical.

– Oct. 16, 2023 – 9 violations, including 1 critical.

– Feb. 15, 2024 – 21 violations, including 3 critical.

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Zachary Smith is the data reporter for cleveland.com. You can reach him at zsmith@cleveland.com.



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Cleveland Monsters Official Fan Guide for 2024 North Division Finals | Cleveland Monsters

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Cleveland Monsters Official Fan Guide for 2024 North Division Finals | Cleveland Monsters


May 15, 2024

The Cleveland Monsters continue their 2024 Calder Cup Playoffs run with the North Division Finals against the Syracuse Crunch with Game 1 presented by Goodwill starting on Thursday, May 16, at 7:00 p.m. at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse. Game 2 will take place on Saturday, May 18, at 1:00 p.m. before the series moves to Syracuse.

 

2024 MONSTERS CALDER CUP NORTH DIVISION FINALS SCHEDULE
 

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GAME

DATE

TIME

LOCATION

Game 1

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Thursday, May 16

7:00 p.m.

Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse

Game 2

Saturday, May 18

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1:00 p.m.

Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse

Game 3

Wednesday, May 22

7:00 p.m.

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Upstate Medical University Arena

*Game 4

Friday, May 24

7:00 p.m.

Upstate Medical University Arena

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*Game 5

Sunday, May 26

3:00 p.m.

Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse

*if necessary
 

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WHERE TO WATCH: BROADCAST & WATCH PARTIES

 

Fans can catch all the 2024 Calder Cup Playoff action through AHLTV and listen to each game on Fox Sports 1350 “The Gambler”. Additionally, Game 1 will be broadcast on television through Bally Sports Great Lakes. The Monsters will also host Watch Parties for fans to join every away game with raffles, giveaways and a playoff atmosphere. If necessary, the Watch Party for Game 4 will be held at Pioneer where reservations are encouraged to ensure the most seats for Monsters fans. Fans can call Pioneer Cleveland at (216) 998-5355 and mention the Monsters Watch Party to make their reservation. For the most up to date information on Watch Party locations, visit clevelandmonsters.com/playoffs.

 

GAME

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DATE

TIME

WATCH PARTY LOCATION

Game 3

Wednesday, May 22

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7:00 p.m.

Main Event Avon
35605 Chester Road
Avon, OH 44011

*Game 4

Friday, May 24

7:00 p.m.

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Pioneer
2407 Lorain Ave
Cleveland, OH 44113

*if necessary

 

FEAR THE DEPTHS: GIVEAWAYS AND CENTER ICE PROMOTIONS

 

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The first 5,000 fans to Game 1 on Thursday, May 16, will receive a t-shirt courtesy of Goodwill Industries of Greater Cleveland & East Central Ohio and a rally towel courtesy of truenorth.

 

The first 5,000 fans to Game 2 on Saturday, May 18, will receive a Monsters playoff rally towel courtesy of The May and the first 5,000 fans to Game 5 on Sunday, May 26, will also receive a playoff themed rally towel.

 

Fans can pick up apparel and novelties from the 2024 Monsters Playoff Collection at Center Ice, the Official Team Shop of the Cleveland Monsters. Shop the collection inside Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse or online at MonstersTeamShop.com. This collection features Short Sleeve Tees, Long Sleeve Tees, Hoodies, Hats and more. When the Monsters hit the ice for Games 1 and 2, fans who spend $75 or more at Center Ice will receive a $15 gift card as the Item of the Game while supplies last.

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MONSTERS PLAYOFF TICKET GUIDE

 

Fans have several ways to catch Monsters playoff action including purchasing single game tickets for Home Playoffs games through clevelandmonsters.com. Fans can dive in “The Deep End” located on the south end of Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse where the Monsters attack twice housing the most fearsome fans in the league. Spanning sections 112-116 and M112-M116, The Deep End will feature a new look and all fans seated in the section will receive themed thundersticks. To learn more about The Deep End and purchase tickets, click HERE.

 

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Additionally, fans who sign up for a 2024-25 Monsters Hockey Club membership will receive the next Monsters home playoff game for FREE.

 

BRING THE PLAYOFFS HOME WITH A MONSTERS FAN KIT

 

Fans will be able to bring the excitement of the Calder Cup Playoffs to their own house with a special Monsters Fan Kit. Each kit will contain a Fear the Depths flag, player poster and replica of the Countdown to the Cup dasherboard, a fan-favorite tradition in which the players cross of a number after a playoff win. Fan Kits are available HERE with a $14 donation to the Monsters Community Foundation. Fan kits must be picked up in person at either an official Monsters Playoff Watch Party or a Monsters Home Playoff Game. Simply show proof of purchase in the form of an e-mail receipt to pick up your Fan Kit.
 

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COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT

 

The Monsters will spotlight local organizations throughout the 2024 Calder Cup Playoffs with the North Division Finals focusing on A Special Wish, a non-profit that is dedicated to granting the wishes of children between birth and 20 years of age who have been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. To date, A Special Wish NEO has granted over 200 wishes for local children. Along with granting wishes, A Special Wish NEO also has a Sparkles of Joy program which provides families with a local inpatient and outpatient support system, as well as VIP experiences which help the entire family unit create positive, life-long memories.

 

Representatives from A Special Wish will be present at the Game 3 watch party at Main Event Avon and will be the beneficiary of the away games 50/50 raffles. The Monsters will open a special, extended 50/50 raffle for Games 3 and 4 that fans can enter at the Watch Parties or online HERE starting at noon on Tuesday, May 21. Additionally, if fans would like to support A Special Wish through a wish list of items for children and adults with the program, please check HERE.

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Fans can find the most up to date Monsters Calder Cup Playoff information at clevelandmonsters.com/playoffs or by signing up for Monsters SMS alerts by texting ‘PLAYOFFS’ to 30594.



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67-year-old man murdered on Cleveland’s East Side: Police

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67-year-old man murdered on Cleveland’s East Side: Police


CLEVELAND, Ohio (WOIO) – A 67-year-old is dead following a shooting on Cleveland’s East Side, according to investigators.

Cleveland Division of Police Sgt. Wilfredo Diaz says officers found the man dead with gunshot wounds in the 15800 block of Lotus Avenue.

The Cuyahoga County Medical Examiner’s Office identified the victim as Charles Davis, of Cleveland.

The circumstances of the shooting are unknown.

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The Cleveland Division of Police says there are no arrests.



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The Apocalypse That Wasn’t – WhoWhatWhy

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The Apocalypse That Wasn’t – WhoWhatWhy


The solar storm brought a lot of lovely aurora pictures but no Great Blackout. Maybe next time.

Listen To This Story

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I’ve noticed that there is an elegant process by which any scientific event, especially the extraordinary, can be converted efficiently into conspiracy theory. “Awe” transmutes to “fear”; “novel” translates to “terminal.” If it’s big enough, or strange enough, it will eventually crystallize as evidence of impending doomsday.

So I was surprised by the muted reaction, even in fatalist circles, to the recent solar storm and resulting auroras that spread across the northern hemisphere. For a few days, social media was a lovely place to look at pictures.

The eschatological thinking is there, of course. During the kind of storm we saw recently, bursts of high-energy solar plasma splash into the Earth’s magnetic field, which can interfere with communication satellites and the long-range fibers that facilitate modern life. In 1859, the most powerful recorded solar storm supposedly ignited telegraph wires and electrocuted operators in what became known as the Carrington Event. Today, the risk is to our most precious resource: the internet. 

In 2021, Sangeetha Abdu Jyothi, a computer scientist at the University of California, Irvine, published a paper called “Solar Superstorms: Planning for an Internet Apocalypse.” That paper, a response to the world being blindsided by the “black swan” event of the COVID-19 pandemic, elucidated the risks to the world’s telecommunications systems of “solar superstorms that can potentially cause large-scale Internet outages covering the entire globe and lasting several months.” 

With the concept of an “internet apocalypse” thus planted, the media was primed for some hysteria. In 2023, a couple of press releases kicked the fear into a higher gear. That March, there was a NASA statement about tools the agency uses to “sound the alarm for dangerous space weather.” Two months later, a press release from Berkeley’s Physics Department talked about the Parker Solar Probe, launched in 2018 and now close enough to the sun to study the solar winds. 

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Outlets unafraid to play fast and loose with the truth spun this up. The UK’s Mirror, for one, wrongly interpreted the Probe’s mandate as a “NASA mission to prevent ‘internet apocalypse’ which could leave people offline for months.” That kind of coverage in turn inspired a flurry of more responsible news coverage that, while accurate, is still just as dire as the less-rigorous news. Pulling one more or less at random, here’s how a USA Today story frames the internet apocalypse:

If the internet fails on a scale that large, the consequences could be devastating — causing billions of dollars of losses per day to the U.S. economy and impeding the production and supply chains for essential materials like food and medicine.

The same day, The Washington Post offered its take:

The “internet apocalypse,” as it’s called, has recently captured imaginations on social media, prompting quick-spreading misinformation about nonexistent NASA warnings and speculation about what the hyper-online might do with themselves in an offline world. Apocalypse preppers, religious doomsday Redditors and writers have all, at some point, seized on the idea.

The Post story is notable for quoting Jyothi, the computer science professor whose paper raised the issue to public consciousness: 

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Jyothi says she has felt bad for using the term “internet apocalypse” in her paper. There’s not much ordinary people can do to prepare for such a phenomenon; it falls on governments and companies. And the paper “just got too much attention,” she said.

“Researchers have been talking for a long time about how this could affect the power grid,” she notes, “but that doesn’t scare people to the same extent for some reason.” Losing power also causes one to lose internet, of course.

A few days later, Snopes had to sigh heavily and step in to address the misinformation about this whole internet apocalypse business.

That brings us to March 2024, when another UK tabloid of the sort you’d cross the street to avoid, the Daily Express, dusted off the issue, presumably for some quick hits. (Which Snopes then had to dust off its response to.)

The conditions, then, were perfect for an explosion of high-energy bullshit during this recent geomagnetic storm. 

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And yet… not so much. I stuck my head in at all the usual digital dives and watering holes serving up frosty mugs of unhinged ranting. Twitter, TikTok, Reddit, Rumble. Nothing. Or at least, nothing special. Not like you’d imagine. Even Facebook could be said to be, and I may come to regret this, normal.

This should be good news, but the journalistic brain is threatened by positive developments. It makes us feel we are doing something wrong if we can’t find a cloud within that silver lining. I’m borderline disappointed when I look at the Fox News site and don’t see anything even remotely apocalyptic.

How things have changed, I think. What happened to the Fox News I remember from 2008? Have you forgotten the Large Hadron Collider?

Large Hadron Collider, CERN

The Large Hadron Collider, which turned out not to be a black-hole machine. Photo credit: Image Editor / Flickr (CC BY 2.0 DEED)

The Large Hadron Collider sits coiled under the landscape of France and Switzerland, a $9 billion project generally considered — even outside its parent organization, the European science agency CERN — to be the largest and most expensive physics experiment in history. Which history, if some news reports at the time were to be believed, was coming to an end.

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The LHC is the culmination of attempts to send subatomic particles faster and faster under colder and colder conditions, to smash them into each other to replicate, for specks of time it takes very large computers to catch, the beginnings of the universe. 

For all the excitement generated during the construction of this big quantum donut, there were also fears that the machine would, owing to the physics involved, create black holes that would swallow up the planet, or unnatural energy fluctuations that would manhandle the universe itself. As an ongoing narrative, the news media had carved out quite a tale, with tones ranging from sober evaluations of potential threats to cheeky considerations of the end of the world. 

The doomsaying began, in the few years leading up to the September 2008 debut of the machine, with story after story asking whether the LHC might, perhaps, kill us all — though it’s fair to say it entered the public consciousness with a fury in the summer of 2008. That’s when the news media caught on to what great headlines were possible — “end of the world” and “doomsday” being terms to put asses in seats. 

Even the most humorless of news outlets managed at least a mention of black holes or related doomsaying in what might otherwise have been reasonable coverage, but there were notable examples of absurdly irresponsible reportage the world over. In the US, Fox News played its contrarian card with a January 2009 story entitled “Scientists Not So Sure ‘Doomsday Machine’ Won’t Destroy World.” A close reading rewards the reader: Not only are the scientists cast as being hopelessly indecisive, but those quotes around “doomsday machine” imply that that’s the actual name of the device. Well, Fox News is telling us, we get what we deserve when we let the lousy Europeans build something called a “Doomsday Machine.”

Here’s more of that network’s refreshing brand of skepticism regarding the impossibility of the LHC ending the world: “FoxNews.com can think of a few other things that didn’t seem possible once — the theory of continental drift, the fact that rocks fall from the sky, the notion that the Earth revolves around the sun, the idea that scientists could be horribly wrong.”

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Meanwhile, The Daily Mail was practically trying to suck the eyeballs out of our heads. That outlet’s headlines made Fox seem downright blue-state: “Are We Going to Die Next Wednesday?” 

Such was the tenor of coverage for some underground particle experiments in French sheep country. Fifteen years later, here are solar storms that actually forced airlines to reroute planes from the poles to avoid cosmic radiation, that forced ​​astronauts on the International Space Station into hiding, that addled the GPS of farm equipment so badly that at least one tractor drove around in circles, muttering to itself (probably) about the corn never stopping. Here are real threats to drive the most nihilistic headline-writer into ecstasies of pessimism, but the coverage was, across the board, wildly banal.

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Perhaps the news media at large is actually being more responsible. Perhaps Fox News decided to exercise more caution since losing a $787.5 million defamation suit to Dominion Voting Systems for its frankly insane election coverage. Or perhaps it’s something in the nature of an internet apocalypse. 

Look beyond the Fox News story on the solar storm, down beneath the well-behaved slideshow of aurora snaps. There, where the people live, there are still villagers waving pitchforks at one conspiratorial monster or another. Apropos of nothing in the Fox story itself, its commenters found a way to invoke George Floyd, to deny man-made climate change, and to suggest that liberals will take the auroras as “a sign we need to spew more tomato sauce on priceless works of art and occupy campuses.” 

The internet apocalypse did lurk in and among these exchanges. The Great Blackout expressed not as dread, but as aspiration.

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The sentiment was best expressed by a commenter named DontNeedUHoes: “Best outcome possible is that it takes out all the internet and cell phones forever. Now that’s when we’ll have some progress and stability.” To which nomadforlife replied, “Can’t love this enough.”

The solar storm wasn’t feared because it promised to bring what many people, particularly those inclined to convert science to conspiracy, most want: a return to an earlier time. A state of being so mythic it could deliver even the seemingly contradictory — progress and stability. So: a phenomenon whose meaning is hope, not fear, which isn’t supported by any model of news or social media currently known to science.

Worry not; you can worry later. The sun runs in roughly 11-year cycles of activity. In 2012, a solar superstorm that may have been as powerful as the Carrington Event just missed us. Sometime between late 2024 and early 2026, the sun will reach what’s called the “solar maximum” again. According to the whispered calculations of the apocalyptic mathematicians, that’s when we may be guaranteed our doomsday, drifting down the sky on ribbons of pastel light, right before the power goes out.


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  • Brandon R. Reynolds

    Brandon R. Reynolds is an award-winning journalist and comedy writer for print, radio, and television. His work has appeared in The Atlantic, WIRED, Los Angeles Magazine, and KCRW.

    View all posts

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