Lifestyle
Why you should think twice before posting that cute photo of your kid online
Many parents share photos and videos of children on social media: birth announcements, their kid making a mess at the dinner table, their milestones like a first step.
But there are potential dangers to constantly posting about your child online, says Leah Plunkett, a faculty member at Harvard Law School who specializes in children, family law and technology. In Plunkett’s 2019 book Sharenthood: Why We Should Think Before We Talk About Our Kids Online, she explains how adults can put children’s privacy and personal data at risk.
This phenomenon is called “sharenting,” says Plunkett. Legal scholars in her field use the term — a portmanteau of “sharing” and “parenting” — to describe “all the ways that parents, aunts, uncles, teachers, coaches and other trusted adults in a kiddo’s life transmit children’s private information digitally.” It can make kids vulnerable to identity theft and harassment. And as they grow older, it may undercut their ability to tell their own story.
Plunkett talks to Life Kit about the different harms of oversharing, how to post information about your kid safely and how to talk to loved ones about your limits. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Parents share a surprising amount of data about their kids online. A birthday photo, for example, can reveal a kid’s name, age and date of birth. What are some of the privacy concerns around that?
There is a thriving black market for personally identifiable information. Kids’ Social Security numbers, when combined with date of birth, name and address, are often good targets for identity theft. Most minors don’t have credit attached to their Social Security numbers, so [someone may be able to use them to] open fraudulent lines of credit.
Creditors don’t verify the age of applicants, so a bad actor could potentially open a credit card without anyone noticing until the kid becomes an adult and wants a card of their own. What are some other security risks?
There are tragic cases of stalking, bullying and harassment. They are rare but they do happen.
So someone could use social media to figure out where your kid lives, goes to school and their patterns and routines. They could also learn about their likes and dislikes and use them in an insidious way.
Other people don’t need to have information about the ins and outs of your child’s emotional and personal life.
You write in your book that children’s data is a form of currency. And there’s the adage that if a product is free, you are the product. What should adults think about when giving a company their child’s data? Or when reading the fine print on a social media platform?
Parents should be aware that they’re not going to know at the moment where a piece of information, photo or video, might go. When we click “I accept,” those agreements give companies and third parties a lot of latitude about what they can do with your data.
After my book came out, The New York Times ran a big investigative piece about the ways in which social media photos of toddlers and young children had been surreptitiously used to train facial recognition software. That’s one of many examples.
Also, at some point down the road, maybe somebody makes a decision about your child based on the stuff you’ve put out about them — how your child is doing at school, how they’re moving through the world. Maybe that is an individual human decision maker. Maybe that is an algorithmically driven data analysis product.
And when you mean decision makers, that could be a university recruiter or a hiring manager. And that may affect your child’s ability to tell their own story.
To themselves or to others in the future. If the world is figuring out significant things about who they are online and making projections about who they’re going to be, it can undercut their ability to figure that out for themselves.
Reading your book, it’s clear you’re not like a Luddite. You have kids, but you haven’t sworn off social media. How do you avoid oversharing the digital realm?
Since I started researching this topic, I adjusted my own personal compass to be very minimalist. I pretty much never post my kids on social media. If I do, you don’t see their faces or anything that would identify them. I don’t use full names. I don’t celebrate their birthday on social media. I don’t show the kids standing in front of where they go to school.
I follow a “holiday card-or-less” rule of thumb when sharing on social media: updates you’d be comfortable with anyone, from your great aunt to your boss, seeing. Information that’s not going to embarrass anybody and isn’t particularly private.
Personally, my wife and I are pretty tight about the pictures we share of our kid. How do we prevent other people, like family and friends, from taking photos of them at, say, a baptism or a birthday party, and posting it online?
For something like a baptism or another rite of passage, it’s probably impossible to get everyone to not celebrate their joy and pride by taking out a phone. But it is OK to make a gentle request. You might say: Thank you so much for being in this moment with us. To really be in the moment, we would request that you refrain from pictures or videos.
Some people will listen, some people won’t. Then make the call about whether or not it matters enough to you to follow up privately with the people who you see taking pictures and videos.
How do you model digital consent with your kids?
The conversation starts with very young kids. Explain what you’re doing, why you’re doing it and where the image or video is going. You might say something like, “Hey, we’re having a really great meal. We’re using a recipe your grandfather sent us. I’m going to take a picture for him. Everybody smile for grandpa.”
You could also ask your kid at a pretty young age, “are you OK with taking a photo? Anyone not feeling up for it?”
What questions should parents ask themselves before they hit post?
Are you posting a picture of your child in any state of undress? If you are, please don’t post it.
Are you sharing your child’s location, full name or date of birth? If you are, think about whether that level of detail is necessary for your post.
If your parents shared a similar post about you at this age, how would you have felt about it? If the answer is that it would have really bothered you, take another minute to think about what you need from this post.
What advice do you have for parents who often share photos and videos of their children and their lives on social media? Is it too late for them?
I had the same reaction when I started researching all of this, and I’m here to tell you, take a deep breath. Don’t panic. If you want to change, go back over your social media posts and take down what you’re not so sure about. Then make your settings private.
Please don’t be hard on yourselves. Since the dawn of time, parents have been making the best choices they can at any given moment, and then later being like, maybe I’ll do that differently going forward.
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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Are psychedelics the next big thing?
Psychedelics include the drugs LSD, magic mushrooms, peyote, and often ketamine and MDMA too, among others. And some of these drugs have a history of spiritual practice spanning millennia. Then many of these drugs became synonymous with hippies and 60s and 70s counterculture. But now, psychedelics have new cheerleaders: tech bros and CEOs. So why the rebrand?
To get into it all, Brittany is joined by Maxim Tvorun-Dunn, PhD candidate at the University of Tokyo, and Emma Goldberg, business reporter at the New York Times, to discuss what it means that these drugs are getting championed – and sometimes financially backed – by the tech elite, and how might that affect our culture’s relationship with psychedelics.
This episode originally aired on March 24, 2025.
Interested in hearing more of Brittany’s series “Losing My Religion?” Check out these episodes:
Goodbye, church… Hello, Wellness Industrial Complex!
Am I a god?! Why “manifesting” your reality is easier than ever
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Follow Brittany on Instagram: @bmluse
For handpicked podcast recommendations every week, subscribe to NPR’s Pod Club newsletter at npr.org/podclub.
This episode was produced by Liam McBain. It was edited by Neena Pathak. Our Supervising Producer is Cher Vincent. Our Executive Producer is Barton Girdwood. Our VP of Programming is Yolanda Sangweni.
Twenty-five years ago, Grammy-winning singer Bilal released his debut album, “1st Born Second,” a seminal body of work that fearlessly weaves together the worlds of jazz, hip-hop and neo-soul for a sound that was fresh at the time and still holds up today. With the leading single “Soul Sista,” the album featured vocals from the likes of Common and Yasiin Bey along with production from Dr. Dre, Raphael Saadiq, the Soulquarians and the late J. Dilla.
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Earlier this month, Bilal celebrated the anniversary of the album at the Blue Note in Hollywood with four sold-out shows. I caught up with him backstage before the first show on Night 1.
A couple months ago you popped out during Talib Kweli’s show at the Blue Note Los Angeles, but this is your first solo show here. How are you feeling?
It’s been nostalgic because I’m doing the 25th anniversary show here, so we’re doing music from my very first album. [As I’ve been] putting this show together, I’ve [been] listening back to that music so it just takes me back 25 years ago so it’s a funny feeling, but it’s cool. [Laughs]
You were 21 when you released your debut album, “1st Born Second.” What was going on in your world at that time?
When I released that album I was just a wild young kid who wanted to change music or bring my approach to the music. I had a lot of concepts coming from jazz school. I was like a college rebel kid. I hated everything. I was like a musical snob. I wouldn’t say a musical snob, but yeah, I was. [Laughs]
And that’s OK.
I was just very ambitious back then. I knew what I wanted to do as a musician and I was just very happy to be doing it.
I read that you used to challenge your teachers a lot in high school and college.
Oh yeah, man. I come from Philadelphia and I’ve been in front of people singing since I was 4 years old, so by the time my album came out, I was already like “I want to do this. I know how I want to do that. I want to be a producer. I want to get this done.” I already had music, materials and songs. So coming from a jazz standpoint, I had some strong opinions of who I wanted to be and music school was just my stepping stone — my way out of the house.
When you reflect on the impact of “1st Born Second,” how does it make you feel?
That it was an honest expression and it’s exactly what I wanted to do. I set out to make timeless music. One of my favorite musicians, especially around that time, was Miles Davis. I would read his autobiography all the time and his whole thing was affecting the music, affecting the listener, really approaching it to challenge the listener as well as challenging yourself. To make an affect in the world. So when I can hear it and everybody says, “I’m still checking this s— out now,” I’m just like wow. That’s what I wanted to do, make something that outlived me — really.
In 2024, you released two bodies of work: “Live at Glasshaus” and “Adjust Brightness,” which was your first album of new music in eight years. Why was this the right time and how did they each come together?
Everything came together naturally even from the live album. I was set to do something and when we were putting everything together, I started making phone calls that week. I knew Common would be in town because he was doing Broadway at the time. Then I called Rob [Glasper] and he was in town and we all were like ‘Let’s call Ahmir,’ [Questlove] and I was like [Crosses fingers] ‘cause I knew he was doing a show too over at the Fallon show. So we set up a time where everybody was free and made it happen. It was a natural, magical kind of a vibe.
In February, you were a part of a powerful tribute for late singer D’Angelo at the Grammys. How did it feel to be a part of that moment and to celebrate the legacy of someone you came up with?
It was surreal. I was outside of my body. As a kid I was always able to do that, so in those situations, I just jump out my body.
You seem like the type of artist who is always creating. Are you working on anything right now that we’ll be able to hear soon?
I kind of move naturally. I don’t try to force it, but I have been in a creative space so hopefully the creative gods pour into me sooner. But I don’t beg. Everything has to be natural.
I know you’ve taken up painting recently. Outside of music, what are some things that have been keeping you grounded and excited lately?
I’m a lover of mad stuff. I love books. I like history. I like philosophy and I’ve been getting into a lot of Zen meditations. Concepts about clearing the mind and being present. I also love kung fu. The concepts of everything, you know. I’m a Virgo.
After a long winter, readers look to summer for a respite — an opportunity to sink into stories that are magical, mysterious and memorable. If some downtime is in your plans, we have some reading to suggest.
Our book critics have previewed what’s coming to the library and bookstores this summer. Here’s what they are most looking forward to reading — and seeing you read too.
Water in the Desert: A Pilgrimage by Gary Paul Nabhan
I love books that explore nature through a sociocultural lens. Lebanese American Gary Paul Nabhan’s new book traces the story of his unusual life. Nabhan grew up along Lake Michigan’s southern dunes and was negatively singled out as a student with “disabilities.” He found his path through ecology, poetry, travel, studying Indigenous Mexican communities, becoming an Ecumenical Franciscan brother and exploring his own ancestry — all of which shape his view that Earth is “the original scripture.” An ethnobotanist, Nabhan was awarded a MacArthur “genius grant” for “insights into the relationship between culture and land.” I can’t wait to read this book. (June 2) — Martha Anne Toll
Muñeca by Cynthia Gómez
Natalia Fuentes has a plan. Violeta, the only child of the Miramontes family and the last in a long line descended from Spanish settlers and Mexican rancho owners, is magically trapped in her own body, and Nati is going to break her out. For a fee, of course. With the help of a doll, she finds a way to communicate with her client, and an unexpected romance sparks between them. But she also attracts the attention of the person who cursed Violeta, and they would do anything to stop Nati from interfering. This gothic horror tale touches on colonialism and colorism, queerness and feminism, generational trauma and familial curses. It’s at once romantic and frightening. We may be only just heading into summer, but this one is already in my top 10 for the year. (June 2) — Alex Brown
The Book of Birds: A Field Guide to Wonder and Loss by Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris
Whenever I encounter a belted kingfisher here in coastal Virginia, my spirits rise as I gaze at a bird with a spiky mohawk and an attitude to match. My summer nonfiction reading will kick off with The Book of Birds: A Field Guide to Wonder and Loss by nature writer Robert Macfarlane and illustrator Jackie Morris, which celebrates the lives of declining or endangered birds from kingfishers to avocets, nightingales and yellowhammers. Though British species remain the book’s focus, the joys of bird-watching span the globe, as does this pair’s invitation to revel in and protect the multispecies worlds of which we humans are one part. (June 9) — Barbara J. King
Earth 7 by Deb Olin Unferth
I discovered Deb Olin Unferth’s work years ago via her flash-fiction piece “Likable,” which became a staple on my syllabi. Years later, and now firmly a fan, I was thrilled to learn about her forthcoming novel, Earth 7. A story about a decimated future Earth and those working to collect DNA samples from its past in order to rebuild it, the novel is also about love — between two people, yes, but also the broader, more universal love their work entails. After all, preservation of what was and hope for what will be are both acts of immense care for the world. (June 9) — Ilana Masad
Twenty Minutes of Silence by Hélène Bessette, translated by Kate Briggs
This riveting translation at once slays and reinvents the mystery genre. Set in an affluent villa in Manche, France, this 1955 “poetic novel” reconstructs the clashing narratives around the 20-minute interval between a patricide and the arrival of the police. The titular concept of silence, purportedly about the accomplices’ erasure of evidence, in fact represents a linguistic and structural red herring. The articulate, seemingly uncounseled testimonies of the deceased’s adulterous wife and abused son, along with biased speculations by the chief inspector, his deputy, the journalists and the bookseller, are replete with operatic revelations. (July 14) — Thúy Đinh
Charity and Sylvia by Tillie Walden
Tillie Walden’s long-anticipated Charity & Sylvia is a graphic biography in five parts, tracking the love story of two women who openly lived together for 44 years in Weybridge, Vt., in the 1800s. Walden builds on an archive of letters, journal entries and various biographical material to offer this moving portrait told in vignettes, most captured as delicately drawn, copper-tinted, nine-panel comics. Family affairs, religious musings and intimate scenes between the two women are set against the backdrop of a young country, and state, moving through constant, and colossal, transformation. The effect is a slow, dense, contemplative read — a rare gem of a book. (June 16) — Tahneer Oksman
Names Have Been Changed by Yu-Mei Balasingamchow
There have been a slew of entertaining novels in the past few years about average people stumbling into criminality — think Kirstin Chen’s Counterfeit and Nina McConigley’s How to Commit a Postcolonial Murder, to name just two. But I’m especially looking forward to Names Have Been Changed. Ophir, the Singaporean protagonist, is on the run from the law for her involvement in a money-laundering scheme, and she podcasts about it from an undisclosed location. This picaresque is off to a rocking start, the first-person narration is charmingly self-effacing, and the story promises depth as well, exploring the emotional toll of being a fugitive. (June 23) — Leland Cheuk
Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep by Paul Tremblay
Paul Tremblay has made a career out of reinventing himself as an author with every novel, and in his upcoming Dead but Dreaming of Electric Sheep, he does it yet again. The book is a creepy and unexpectedly humorous science-fiction romp about a young woman who takes a job using a cellphone/remote control to pilot a man in a vegetative state from California to the East Coast while the man goes through a surreal nightmare. A master storyteller, Tremblay’s b(l)ending of genres here truly is a perfect beach read. (June 30) — Gabino Iglesias
Country People by Daniel Mason
I so loved Daniel Mason’s North Woods, which spans four centuries in the life of a Massachusetts house, that I’m eager to read whatever he writes. Country People is quite different. His first contemporary novel spans just one year — the length of a visiting professorship that brings Kate and her family from California to Vermont. The hope is that her husband will finally finish his long-overdue dissertation on Russian folktales, but instead he gets pulled in by some colorful locals and a bizarre, fantastical legend. It’s apparent from a quick peek that Mason has fun exploring marriage, friendship, parenthood and the beguiling allure of storytelling and fantasy in this upbeat romp. (July 7) — Heller McAlpin
An Infinite Love Story by Chanel Cleeton
An Infinite Love Story is a sweeping romantic drama with a touch of magical realism from the bestselling author of The Lost Story of Eva Fuentes. Chanel Cleeton is one of my auto-buy authors — and I was hooked on this new book immediately. Cleeton’s ability to pull readers in quickly and deeply through her storytelling makes her a go-to author for an immersive reading experience. Set during the Space Race of the 1960s, this story follows the wife of an astronaut who is lost in space, who refuses to believe her husband is gone forever. Vivian and Joe’s love is unforgettable, and so is Cleeton’s writing. She had me from the dedication. (July 7) — Denny S. Bryce
The Great Wherever by Shannon Sanders
After winning the LA Times Book Prize for her story collection Company, expectations were running high for Shannon Sanders’ first novel. A playful and poignant intergenerational saga about a haunted farm in which ancestors watch over and critique the living for posterity and entertainment, The Great Wherever leaps over that bar. The story pays tribute to the lasting legacy of Sanders’ ancestors (land that’s been in the family for a century), while creating something inventive and new. From an undead perspective, haunting is believably bittersweet; it’s “better than the best reality TV,” but “lesser, of course, than the thrill of both seeing and being seen.” I was hooked from the first sentence. (July 7) — Carole V. Bell
Data Empire: The Power of Information to Organize, Control, and Dominate by Roopika Risam
Data centers have been making me anxious for a while, largely because of the environmental impacts — the massive draw on the electrical grid, the millions of gallons of clean water they require for cooling, the massive carbon footprint. The harm caused by data center infrastructure is only part of the problem, though. Roopika Risam’s newest book, Data Empire: The Power of Information to Organize, Control, and Dominate, explores “how data has always been the seed of power,” tracing its centrality from Mesopotamia to today. A book that promises not to just show how empires have collected and weaponized data over the ages, but also how we can resist, is an easy must-read for me. (July 14) — Ericka Taylor
Catch the Devil: A True Story of Murder, Deception, and Injustice on the Gulf Coast by Pamela Colloff
I have been a fan of Pamela Colloff’s investigative journalism since 2018, when ProPublica and The New York Times Magazine published a narrative feature on junk forensic science. Her first book builds on her 2019 feature about a con artist who became one of America’s most prolific jailhouse informants. Despite his reputation as a liar and grifter, prosecutors were all too willing to believe the “useful” stories he spun — including about defendants who were ultimately sentenced to death. Unfolding in cinematic detail, Catch the Devil offers a riveting and disturbing account of the potentially fatal consequences of a criminal legal system that is more concerned with securing convictions than determining the truth and delivering justice. (July 14) — Kristen Martin
Yellow Pine by Claire Vaye Watkins
I’ve been an admirer of Claire Vaye Watkins since her debut book, the story collection Battleborn, was published in 2012. As good as that book was, I was blown away by her novels, Gold Fame Citrus and I Love You but I’ve Chosen Darkness, both of which brought the American West to life with Watkins’ formidable wit and audacity. I can’t wait for her new novel, which follows a single mother living in an intentional community in the Mojave Desert. Watkins is known for taking risks, and she never repeats herself — I’m betting that her latest book will showcase her genius at storytelling and her love for the rugged landscape of the West. (July 21) — Michael Schaub
Dèy by Edwidge Danticat
Edwidge Danticat is an author whose work truly captures the Haitian American immigrant experience with prose that is so languid and all-consuming that one never wants to be released from its grasp. In her first novel in over a decade, she offers a beautiful exploration of migration, gentrification and political instability. The title — Dèy, the Haitian Creole word for “mourning” — immediately caught my attention, as many Americans are in this state today, for their own country. The novel introduces us to Magnolia, a successful real estate agent in Miami whose outlook on life changes after she is caught in a mall shooting. A story that allows us to reassess love and grief, Dèy is a novel of now. (Aug. 25) — Keishel Williams
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