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L.A. Affairs: We were ready for marriage. Then his ex had his baby. Who would he choose?

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L.A. Affairs: We were ready for marriage. Then his ex had his baby. Who would he choose?

The thought of the approaching holidays and having to attend the firm’s end-of-year party without a plus-one made me gasp. That’s why I turned my attention to my dating app. Thankfully a blue-highlighted super like from a tall, dark and handsome fellow woke me up more than my latte did.

He was 80 miles from L.A. Could that even work? As I inspected his shirtless photographs and travel stories on my phone, a message popped up in my inbox. A quick “How are you doing today?” from him progressed into all-day back-and-forth messaging that led to a “Text me on my cell instead.”

From good morning texts to exchanging a plethora of pictures for several days — finally! — the “Let’s meet and greet” offer arrived. He did all the right things: He picked me up from my house, opened the car door, walked on the outside on the sidewalk and held my hand. He knew what was expected of a gentleman, and that gave me hope.

What felt like an hourlong chat ended up being a 6½-hour extended date that took us well into closing time at Angel City Brewery.

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He paid the tab, held my hand to get up from the barstool and put his hand out to allow me to walk in front of him. Was he checking out the goods? I felt a warmth on my waist as he put his arm around me and walked beside me toward the car. The ride home was too short, and as I suspected, he walked me to my front door.

He smiled at me, pulled my hair behind my ear and reached for a soft kiss on the lips. That sweet and perfect kiss made my heart rise and my stomach fuzzy. I told him to be safe on the long way back to Camp Pendleton and I waved goodbye. Before I could reach my bedroom door, I heard the chime on my phone. It was him: “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I cannot wait to see you again.”

It was music to my ears.

After years of searching, could it be possible that I had finally found my soulmate?

After six months of dating with our weekend getaways and surprise flowers sent to the firm, I felt like I was on top of the world.

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There was never an awkward moment of silence, and we shared every dream, fear and personal thought. I met all his friends, even those close to his heart, from his first unit in Iraq. He met my son and daughter, and from that point forward, my daughter became his daughter. He taught her how to swim, how to play the guitar and how to karaoke. Good morning texts also included “Say hello to baby girl.” Music to my ears.

I will never forget our evening at Del Mar beach; our usual sunset run on the sand was epic. He stopped me and said, “You are the baddest single mom and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you as I have never loved anyone. And I am going to marry you one day, as long as you say yes.”

He wasn’t the get-on-one-knee guy, but I did not care. He was everything I’d ever dreamed of: my best friend, lover, fighter, giver. He was responsible, hard-working, funny and kind. I did not need anyone else. To me, he was the most attractive man in the world. We discussed where we would live after he retired from the military, our travel plans and the kind of home we would purchase together. Nothing was going to come between us.

For our six-month anniversary , I planned a romantic getaway by the beach. Bags were packed, and wine and a charcuterie board set the mood.

I was three glasses in, and he had barely sipped from his. He was reticent and serious, which was not like him. I wanted to improve his mood, so I asked him to dance. As we danced around the hotel suite, I stopped in the middle of the song and directed him toward the wet bar, which I had covered with the tickets to Hawaii for the following summer.

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His face went from serious to concerned as he began pacing around the room. His fists were closed. I did not know what was happening.

He grabbed my hand and directed me toward the foot of the bed. There was a long pause, and I could feel my heart rising. He began, “I did not know how I would tell you tonight, but here it goes. You deserve the truth. My ex-girlfriend dropped the bomb that she thinks her newborn baby is mine. I took a DNA test, and he is mine.

“I need to do the right thing and marry her,” he said. “I owe a duty to my country as an honorable man. It’s what the Marine Corps has taught me, and I also owe a duty to this little man who needs a full-time father, not a seasonal military father. I must do the right thing.”

I felt as if the blood rushed from my stomach to my face. Once again, I felt as if I was floating in thin air. I could not see anything but the tears in his eyes and I felt his palms sweat over the back of my hand.

At some point, I was able to make out images from the elaborate wallpaper of the hotel room. My stomach was filled with pain, my chest felt heavy, and my eyes did not blink until the warm tears filled my neck. His last words to me were: “I will let you stay in the room and give you some space. That is the least I can do.” As he shut the door behind him, I felt like my soul escaped my body. I didn’t see him again.

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The author is a paralegal in Los Angeles and works on everything from briefs to love essays. She is on Instagram: @karen_kss05

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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But first, coffee: The drink that energized the American Revolution

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But first, coffee: The drink that energized the American Revolution

An illustration of the Boston Tea Party, when colonists dumped British East India Company tea into the harbor on Dec. 16, 1773. Some accounts say this marked a pivotal moment when Americans started loving coffee. But one historian says Americans were drinking lots of coffee before then.

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A consequential act of defiance secured tea’s place as perhaps the most iconic beverage of America’s colonial era.

The Boston Tea Party became an essential ingredient in the recipe for revolution in the following years.

But tea wasn’t the only hot beverage with a prominent role in America’s fight for independence.

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Coffee was an important part of American culture from the start. And coffeehouses were essential, too — serving as hubs for brewing ideas of independence.

As the United States celebrates 250 years, here’s what to know about America’s early history of coffee.

Colonists were drinking coffee long before the United States existed

Europeans brought coffee with them when they came to America.

“The first documented example of a mortar and pestle used to grind coffee beans was on the Mayflower” in 1620, says historian Michelle Craig McDonald, the author of Coffee Nation: How One Commodity Transformed the Early United States.

“The fact that coffee was present so early is not surprising if you think about it,” McDonald says. “A number of those who were on the Mayflower came to North America from Amsterdam, which was a major coffee trading center in Western Europe by the 17th century.”

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The first coffeehouse in the colonies opened in 1676 in Boston, a century before the U.S. declared independence, she says. Some taverns sold coffee even earlier.

The Boston Tea Party probably wasn’t the dramatic turning point toward coffee that some claim

On the night of Dec. 16, 1773, disgruntled colonists boarded three ships moored in Boston Harbor and threw overboard more than 92,000 pounds of tea owned by the British East India Company.

Tensions had been building between the Crown and the colonies over the previous decade, as Britain tried to levy taxes on its colonies to recoup war debts.

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You know the Mayflower. What about the White Lion? Here’s the story of ‘Two Ships’

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You know the Mayflower. What about the White Lion? Here’s the story of ‘Two Ships’

Just in time for a contentious 250th anniversary of the United States of America, historian David S. Reynolds’ latest book, Two Ships, helps us realize that any country that couldn’t agree on its own origin story is destined for divisive times.

Two Ships is about the complicated, conjoined legacy of the landings of the Mayflower, which carried the Pilgrims to Plymouth, Mass., in 1620, and the White Lion, which arrived in Jamestown a year earlier, bringing the first enslaved Africans to Virginia.

As Reynolds demonstrates, it’s not so much the facts of these two voyages, as it is the meanings ascribed to them, that made them such a powerful metaphor for two conflicting visions of American identity.

To simplify, the Mayflower’s passengers were separatist Puritans, dissenters to the reign of the English king, James I. As the United States developed, the Mayflower was credited with carrying the seeds of a radical democracy to the New World, one in which all men (in theory, at least) were equal before God.

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In contrast, the European settlers of Jamestown were Royalists, also known as Cavaliers. Loyal to the monarchy, they believed in a strict hierarchy.

But the meaning of the images of the two ships shifted depended on who was invoking them and when. Not surprisingly, the metaphor was deployed most vigorously during the Civil War. In abolitionist speeches and writings, the White Lion or the “Slave-Ship,” as it was commonly called, was condemned for infecting America with the “plague-spot” of slavery.

Reynolds says that Frederick Douglass resorted to the “two ships” metaphor frequently, while Lincoln avoided it, hoping to preserve a unified ship of state. Meanwhile, Southern descendants of Cavaliers invoked the Mayflower to emphasize the intolerance and “cruel, persecuting” character of the Puritans. In a comment that resonates for our own times, Reynolds says:

It didn’t matter to the South that … by the mid-nineteenth century, the North had become a kaleidoscope of religious denominations, …, few of which resembled the faith of the Plymouth colonists. Distortion is intrinsic to cultural memory, especially when amplified by sectional or political bias. For Southerners, the Mayflower had brought Puritanism, which had yielded fanatical movements like abolitionism, now a dire threat to the Union.

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A historically hot Paris Fashion Week photographed with a kid’s camera

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A historically hot Paris Fashion Week photographed with a kid’s camera

I took a kid’s camera to Paris Fashion Week, because was it ever really that serious? Yes and no. This men’s season happened during one of the hottest weeks in France’s recorded history, which inspired that specific brand of collective hysteria brought on by living through yet another unprecedented moment together — taking over our brains and ruining our plans to wear boots — and a grander reflection on what we were doing there and why. The throngs of teenagers doing back flips into the Canal Saint-Martin and playing soccer in the street set the mood for the week. If the world is ending, you might as well swim in dirty water and have fun doing it, no?

As far as the shows went, there was the coastal stoner energy of Tokyo-based Auralee — brightly colored leathers and furry flip-flops — that reminded me of the low-key elegance of hanging out in Southern California. At the Rick Owens show, Rick-heads made minimal weather-restrictive tweaks to their usual uniforms — platforms, leather, ground-grazing garments — making you appreciate the beauty in that level of ascetic dedication. Louis Vuitton built a literal beach as its runway, complete with sand and a giant wave that felt like a mirage: Is this a heat-induced hallucination or yet another buzzed-about set design under men’s creative director Pharrell Williams? At the Dries Van Noten show, there was an ice-cold beer fridge and popsicles, a chic and inspired detail only rivaled by a collection that was a breath of fresh air during a week where I Googled the symptoms of heat stroke more than once. The Willy Chavarria show was air-conditioned, pumped with Xinú perfume and felt expensive. Sven Marquardt, a Berlin photographer and Berghain’s most famous bouncer, was sitting in front of me, which I took as an incredibly good omen. The painted blue feet and Oakley collab sunglasses at the Kiko Kostadinov show felt auspicious as well.

A model walks with his hands in his vest

A look from the Auralee show.

There were conversations floating around about how apocalyptic it felt sitting at a fashion show in over 100-degree Fahrenheit weather, our backs soaked, our minds dizzied, when the industry is responsible for something like 10% of global greenhouse gas emissions. The cognitive dissonance contributed to the thickness in the air that week.

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At the Comme des Garçons show, called “If the War Were to End..,” models danced and ran and skipped out onto the runway for the finale, soundtracked by the joyous sound of children singing “You’re So Good to Me” by the Langley Schools Music Project. In that moment, we were happy, we were clapping, we might have even been hopeful. Humans have the capacity to hold a lot — a fan in one hand while attempting not to completely melt in the front row, and a fantasy that there might still be a future where we get to wear those leopard-print Dries shoes we fell in love with on the runway.

People stand in front of a wall bearing the words "Paris Tourisme"

The moments before the Comme des Garçons show.

Two people dressed mostly in black

Comme des Garçons show attendees.

A model wears Comme des Garçons, head-to-toe.

Comme des Garçons, head-to-toe.

A model walks in white light

The Comme des Garçons show.

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Models wear long jackets

The Dries Van Noten show.

A bottle of beer

A chic and inspired detail at the Dries Van Noten show: ice-cold beer.

Modeling on a pink bench
A person in black shoes, left, and a person in pink shoes

Scenes from the ERL presentation.

Seated attendees watch a model
Seated attendees watch a model on a blue carpet

The Kiko Kostadinov show.

The Eiffel Tower rises in the distance
A woman in sunglasses stands in a beach setting

Tapping in from Louis Vuitton beach.

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Quavo at the Louis Vuitton show.

Quavo at the Louis Vuitton show.

A person stands in a beachlike setting

Scenes from after the Louis Vuitton show.

People use their smartphones to photograph a person in a suit and tie

Scenes from the Louis Vuitton show.

A variety of shoes and laces

Scenes from the Nahmias x Puma dinner at Gigi Paris.

Scenes from the On X Online Ceramics rave.

Scenes from the On X Online Ceramics rave.

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On at PFW.
People walk under arcs of water
People in a nightclub

At Silencio to see Venezuelan DJ and producer Safety Trance.

Five models wearing sunglasses stand together

The Willy Chavarria show.

A glowing cross with curved ends

Scenes from Willy Chavarria.

People sit along a canal

The throngs of teenagers doing back flips into the Canal Saint-Martin and playing soccer in the street set the mood for the week.

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