Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I'm crying a lot lately and arguing with my husband. Is L.A. to blame?
I’ve been crying a lot lately.
I find myself sitting on the couch in my living room, folding laundry between Zoom meetings, the U.S. Open on in the background, my aging hands in the foreground, and I break into tears. I’m not sobbing because Zverev won or because my hands remind me of my grandmother’s, though slightly less waxy, veiny and spotted. It’s something bigger, something deeper, something I can’t quite put my finger on.
I’m on the 405 on my way to pick up my daughter from school, stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, and again I begin to cry. I cry on my way to work and as I sit on the warm sand in Malibu looking out at the sea. I cry during yoga, as I hike Temescal Canyon, as I wait in line for a $22 smoothie at Erewhon. These episodes have been creeping up on me for months now. Little by little, they have invaded my head space and my nervous system. I’m at a loss for words — I cry.
It could be a number of things. My husband and I have been arguing nonstop about emotional labor and my ongoing attempts to decenter him in our marriage. It’s exhausting and fruitless. I’m no longer writing. I have a UTI, again. But these things are too easy, too obvious. I try to snap out of it. Meditation, sound baths, breathwork — nothing helps.
And then, out of the blue, I get a call from my landlord: She’s selling the duplex, and we may have to move. The potential of being forced to leave rent-controlled, under-market housing in Westwood, a safe neighborhood on the Westside in a good school district, should push me over the edge. Tears should be running down my face in torrents, but they aren’t. I find myself feeling happier than I’ve felt in months. We might have to move. We might have to move. We can leave. We’ll have to leave! I smile from ear to ear and start dreaming of another life in another place. And then it hits me. I’ve fallen out of love with L.A.
People hate L.A., so falling out of love with it might make sense to you. It’s not a true city, it’s too spread out, there are no seasons, the traffic is dreadful, they say with smug looks on their faces as they leave in flocks to colder places. But I don’t hate L.A. I love it; I always have. I’ve loved L.A. since I was a child growing up in Orange County, a brown kid in a sea of white kids who felt unseen and alone. L.A. is my city. It’s people who look like me in thrift stores on Melrose. It buzzes with energy. It’s dirt and grit shoved up against beauty and splendor. It’s real — it allows space for complicated things to exist side by side. It’s my dad’s family in East L.A., chicharrones, an ice cream truck and menudo after church on Sundays. It’s my mom’s family in Alhambra, strawberry jam on fried chicken, the Dodgers and a Boy George poster on the back of a bedroom door. L.A. is everything, was everything. L.A. was once my savior, my only hope.
So, what changed? A lot.
I’ve been married for 10 years now, I have a kid, I’ve lost people I love, my literary agent fired me, the wildfires are out of control and it’s getting hotter — all things that surely have affected my love affair with this city.
My identity has shifted, and I feel off-kilter. I’m no longer a hopeful young girl, dreaming of life in the City of Angels. I’m older. Wiser? Maybe. I’ve failed a bunch. I’m not who I thought I’d be. L.A. isn’t what I thought it’d be either. Can we survive these truths? I want to …
I want to fall back in love. But how?
I light a candle in front of Santa Barbara, the patron saint of my family, and ask her to guide me. I place pink gemstones on my heart chakra as I sleep. I begin spending time in the moonlight. I read “Nightbitch.” I drive through downtown Los Angeles at night with my windows down and the sunroof open as I did with my aunt and uncle when I was a child. The lights are magic; there is something in the air.
I eat a French dip sandwich and a pickled egg that stains my fingertips purple at Philippe’s and feel satiated. I take my daughter to the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine. We feed the ducks and the turtles. A swan nips at her outstretched hand. She laughs and runs around the lake. I watch her and see myself as a child. I write this short piece and actually enjoy the process. I make arroz con pollo and cry because it tastes like my childhood and reminds me of my grandma. But it’s a different cry than before. It feels different. Like I’m taking something back.
I decide to make the city mine again.
I begin to avoid the people, places and things that irk me. I go analog (for the most part). I stay firm in my boundaries. I am more present than I’ve ever been. I wake up a little bit earlier each morning to look at my daughter’s perfect face as she sleeps beside me. I listen to the birds chirping outside my window. I kiss my husband because he buys me cheese and figs. We argue slightly less but recover and repair faster. I start taking the streets and avoiding the freeways. I make a promise to find one thing about the city to be grateful for each day: shade, In-N-Out, free museums, sunshine, the ocean, kind neighbors (thank you, Mary and Paul), walkable neighborhoods, the public library, reproductive freedom.
In the midst of rebuilding my gratitude, I begin to remember who I am. The city abides. She becomes my ally, giving me cool breezes, green lights, a healthy dose of vitamin D. I’m lighter, freer, and then one day, many days since my crying began, I feel hope pulsing in the back of my brain, and I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I love L.A., and L.A. loves me.
So even though my joints ache and my body slips into perimenopause, even though my marriage is going through a rough patch and my creative practice has seemingly died, I know I’ll be OK. In the words of Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, “At least I have her love, the city, she loves me. Lonely as I am. Together we cry.”
The author is a teacher and a writer. She lives in Westwood with her daughter and her husband.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Mundane, magic, maybe both — a new book explores ‘The Writer’s Room’
There’s a three-story house in Baltimore that looks a bit imposing. You walk up the stone steps before even getting up to the porch, and then you enter the door and you’re greeted with a glass case of literary awards. It’s The Clifton House, formerly home of Lucille Clifton.
The National Book Award-winning poet lived there with her husband, Fred, starting in 1967 until the bank foreclosed on the house in 1980. Clifton’s daughter, Sidney Clifton, has since revived the house and turned it into a cultural hub, hosting artists, readings, workshops and more. But even during a February visit, in the mid-afternoon with no organized events on, the house feels full.
The corner of Lucille Clifton’s bedroom, where she would wake up and write in the mornings
Andrew Limbong/NPR
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Andrew Limbong/NPR
“There’s a presence here,” Clifton House Executive Director Joël Díaz told me. “There’s a presence here that sits at attention.”
Sometimes, rooms where famous writers worked can be places of ineffable magic. Other times, they can just be rooms.
Princeton University Press
Katie da Cunha Lewin is the author of the new book, The Writer’s Room: The Hidden Worlds That Shape the Books We Love, which explores the appeal of these rooms. Lewin is a big Virginia Woolf fan, and the very first place Lewin visited working on the book was Monk’s House — Woolf’s summer home in Sussex, England. On the way there, there were dreams of seeing Woolf’s desk, of retracing Woolf’s steps and imagining what her creative process would feel like. It turned out to be a bit of a disappointment for Lewin — everything interesting was behind glass, she said. Still, in the book Lewin writes about how she took a picture of the room and saved it on her phone, going back to check it and re-check it, “in the hope it would allow me some of its magic.”
Let’s be real, writing is a little boring. Unlike a band on fire in the recording studio, or a painter possessed in their studio, the visual image of a writer sitting at a desk click-clacking away at a keyboard or scribbling on a piece of paper isn’t particularly exciting. And yet, the myth of the writer’s room continues to enrapture us. You can head to Massachusetts to see where Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women. Or go down to Florida to visit the home of Zora Neale Hurston. Or book a stay at the Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald Museum in Alabama, where the famous couple lived for a time. But what, exactly, is the draw?

Lewin said in an interview that whenever she was at a book event or an author reading, an audience question about the writer’s writing space came up. And yes, some of this is basic fan-driven curiosity. But also “it started to occur to me that it was a central mystery about writing, as if writing is a magic thing that just happens rather than actually labor,” she said.
In a lot of ways, the book is a debunking of the myths we’re presented about writers in their rooms. She writes about the types of writers who couldn’t lock themselves in an office for hours on end, and instead had to find moments in-between to work on their art. She covers the writers who make a big show of their rooms, as a way to seem more writerly. She writes about writers who have had their homes and rooms preserved, versus the ones whose rooms have been lost to time and new real estate developments. The central argument of the book is that there is no magic formula to writing — that there is no daily to-do list to follow, no just-right office chair to buy in order to become a writer. You just have to write.
Lifestyle
Bruce Johnston Retiring From The Beach Boys After 61 Years
Bruce Johnston
I’m Riding My Last Wave With The Beach Boys
Published
Bruce Johnston is riding off into the California sunset … at least for now.
The Beach Boys legend announced Wednesday he’s stepping away from touring after six decades with the iconic band. The 83-year-old revealed in a statement to Rolling Stone he’s hanging up his touring hat to focus on what he calls part three of his long music career.
“It’s time for Part Three of my lengthy musical career!” Johnston said. “I can write songs forever, and wait until you hear what’s coming!!! As my major talent beyond singing is songwriting, now is the time to get serious again.”
Johnston famously stepped in for co-founder Brian Wilson in 1965 for live performances, becoming a staple of the Beach Boys’ touring lineup ever since. Now, he says he’s shifting gears toward songwriting and even some speaking engagements … with occasional touring member John Stamos helping him craft what he’ll talk about onstage.
“I might even sing ‘Disney Girls’ & ‘I Write The Songs!!’” he teased.
But don’t call it a full-on farewell tour just yet. Johnston made it clear he’s not shutting the door completely, saying he’s excited to reunite with the band for special occasions, including their upcoming July 2-4 shows at the Hollywood Bowl as part of the Beach Boys’ 2026 tour. The run celebrates both the 60th anniversary of “Pet Sounds” and America’s 250th birthday.
“This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you soon,” he wrote. “I am forever grateful to be a part of the Beach Boys musical legacy.”
Lifestyle
On the brink of death, a woman is saved by a stranger and his family
In 1982, Jean Muenchrath was injured in a mountaineering accident and on the brink of death when a stranger and his family went out of their way to save her life.
Jean Muenchrath
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Jean Muenchrath
In early May 1982, Jean Muenchrath and her boyfriend set out on a mountaineering trip in the Sierra Nevada, a mountain range in California. They had done many backcountry trips in the area before, so the terrain was somewhat familiar to both of them. But after they reached one of the summits, a violent storm swept in. It began to snow heavily, and soon the pair was engulfed in a blizzard, with thunder and lightning reverberating around them.
“Getting struck and killed by lightning was a real possibility since we were the highest thing around for miles and lightning was striking all around us,” Muenchrath said.
To reach safer ground, they decided to abandon their plan of taking a trail back. Instead, using their ice axes, they climbed down the face of the mountain through steep and icy snow chutes.
They were both skilled at this type of descent, but at one particularly difficult part of the route, Muenchrath slipped and tumbled over 100 feet down the rocky mountain face. She barely survived the fall and suffered life-threatening injuries.

This was before cellular or satellite phones, so calling for help wasn’t an option. The couple was forced to hike through deep snow back to the trailhead. Once they arrived, Muenchrath collapsed in the parking lot. It had been five days since she’d fallen.
”My clothes were bloody. I had multiple fractures in my spine and pelvis, a head injury and gangrene from a deep wound,” Muenchrath said.
Not long after they reached the trailhead parking lot, a car pulled in. A man was driving, with his wife in the passenger seat and their baby in the back. As soon as the man saw Muenchrath’s condition, he ran over to help.
”He gently stroked my head, and he held my face [and] reassured me by saying something like, ‘You’re going to be OK now. I’ll be right back to get you,’” Muenchrath remembered.
For the first time in days, her panic began to lift.
“My unsung hero gave me hope that I’d reach a hospital and I’d survive. He took away my fears.”
Within a few minutes, the man had unpacked his car. His wife agreed to stay back in the parking lot with their baby in order to make room for Muenchrath, her boyfriend and their backpacks.
The man drove them to a nearby town so that the couple could get medical treatment.
“I remember looking into the eyes of my unsung hero as he carried me into the emergency room in Lone Pine, California. I was so weak, I couldn’t find the words to express the gratitude I felt in my heart.”

The gratitude she felt that day only grew. Now, nearly 45 years later, she still thinks about the man and his family.
”He gave me the gift of allowing me to live my life and my dreams,” Muenchrath said.
At some point along the way, the man gave Muenchrath his contact information. But in the chaos of the day, she lost it and has never been able to find him.
”If I knew where my unsung hero was today, I would fly across the country to meet him again. I’d hug him, buy him a meal and tell him how much he continues to mean to me by saving my life. Wherever you are, I say thank you from the depths of my being.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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