Connect with us

Lifestyle

L.A. Affairs: I said, 'I love you.' She quickly replied, 'As a friend, right?'

Published

on

L.A. Affairs: I said, 'I love you.' She quickly replied, 'As a friend, right?'

My eyes scanned the crowd in the arrivals area of Terminal 5 at Los Angeles International Airport. Then I saw her face, framed by a curtain of espresso-colored hair, peeking out from behind a cement pillar.

We had never met before face to face, but I knew Stacy and everything about her. Her arms reached out to wrap around me, and she squeezed hard. Her hug held the intoxicating scent of jasmine, reminding me of stolen summer nights capturing fireflies. This hug, forged in two years of whispered messages and stolen phone calls, felt like a homecoming to a place I had only dreamed of.

Two years prior, on Jan. 17, 1994, the Northridge earthquake shook her parents’ Porter Ranch home violently, waking her and her family from their slumber. In the aftermath of the quake, as the San Fernando Valley itself was adrift, there was no school at Granada Hills High School, no movies and no trips to Bullock’s at the Northridge Fashion Center. Instead, she sought solace from boredom by dialing into America Online and joining one of the many chat rooms, searching for something to cure the monotony.

Meanwhile, a world away in Connecticut, a blizzard had painted the landscape white across New England, dumping feet of snow and ice. Schools were closed for a few days, and I also dialed into AOL in search of an answer to teenage boredom. Hiding behind a computer screen, hoping to share a flirtatious moment with a girl, I joined a teen chat room. Almost immediately, I saw her screen name, Stacyface. She was very witty and had razor-sharp quips, parrying every attempt at connection with playful defiance. A ritual of teenage hieroglyphics unfolded, etched in the flickering glow of the screen.

Pun1sher: hi.

Advertisement

Stacyface: a/s/l

Pun1sher: 14/m/CT u?

Stacyface: 14/f/LA

The awkwardness that only AOL instant messages could spawn stretched for an eternity. Then inspiration struck. What better way to prove our existence than to share our voices? My heart was thundering like a war drum as I dialed.

“Hello?” she said, the air thick with nervous static.

Advertisement

“Hi,” I said. My voice was a mere squeak trapped in the vastness of the phone line. My pubescent nerves did a pirouette in my stomach as we hung up, retreating to the haven of instant messages. Our hearts were fluttering like trapped butterflies.

For months, we found each other on AOL and instant messaged each other daily. AOL became our confession booth, the dial-up hum connecting two souls across a continent. We called each other nightly, discussing the trials and tribulations of our teenage lives. We sent letters in the mail and via email and exchanged birthday and Valentine’s Day gifts. We called each other so often that we lived in fear of our parents when the phone bill arrived monthly.

After a year of our digital friendship, I sat 3,000 miles away in my bedroom, but one night, I said to her: “I love you.” Almost without processing, she quickly replied, “As a friend, right?” Without wanting to rock our relationship at all, I said, “Yes.” In hindsight, we were in love with each other, but only one of us was willing to admit it. A year into this digital long-distance relationship, we told our parents it was time for us to meet. They decided that if, in another year, we were still friends, I would fly to Los Angeles and we would meet.

Back at LAX, Stacy hugged me tightly as her mom, Cheryl, came over to greet me. One of the strangest and most awkward experiences you can ever imagine is knowing someone so intimately from talking on the phone for hundreds of hours but never having met them in person. Her family graciously allowed me to stay with them for a week and they showed this small-town New Englander all that Los Angeles had to offer.

I was enthralled and fell in love with Los Angeles: dinner in Beverly Hills with a tour of Rodeo Drive, tickets for “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno,” a Dodger game, shopping at a lot of the stores on Ventura Boulevard, a day spent at Universal Studios Hollywood, a day spent at Disneyland, shopping at Third Street Promenade, and driving up Pacific Coast Highway with a tour of Malibu and hitting Froggy’s in Topanga on the way home. Seeing L.A. this way made me fall just as hard for the city as I did for Stacy. We shared our first kiss before I left to go back to Connecticut. Perhaps it was that kiss that sealed our fate.

Advertisement

Another year passed, and the time spent on the phone melted into a kaleidoscope of shared jokes, whispered vulnerabilities and a slow-burning ache that was blooming into something undeniable. As a senior in high school, the path on where I would end up for college was constantly on my mind. I wanted to work in the entertainment industry. L.A. was a likely candidate, but so was New York. One day, three years after we started talking, Stacy laid it out clearly for me: “I think that if you don’t go to school in California, there really is no point for us to continue to have a relationship.” Wow, the old ultimatum.

I started as a freshman in the cinema and television arts program at California State University, Northridge, joining Stacy at the school in August of that year. I told my friends and family that CSUN had an excellent TV program, which was the primary reason I was there. But the reality was that I loved Stacy, and she loved me; there was no place I would rather be than with her.

The author is the director of rights and clearances at “Access Hollywood” and E! News. He has been married to Stacy for 17 years and has two children. They reside in Porter Ranch. He’s on Instagram: @orourkesean

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

Advertisement

Lifestyle

10 new books you won’t want to miss in July

Published

on

10 new books you won’t want to miss in July

I regret to inform you I’ll need to keep this introduction brief. Not because there’s any lack of things to say about July’s crop of notable new releases; it features award-winning journalists and several different flavors of anxiety about our bleak ecological future and data-dominated present, as well as the welcome returns of several beloved novelists.

No, these books certainly deserve some love, dear readers. It’s just that I’m finding it a bit tough to type while bearhugging a box fan. And since it seems that may be my last best chance to get through this latest U.S. heat wave here on the east coast without sweating through my shirt, I feel some urgency to get back at it.

So enough with the ado. With any luck, you’ll soon be cracking open one of these great reads on the beach — or in front of a decent air-conditioning unit, at any rate.

You Won’t Get Free of It: Stories of Mothers and Daughters, by Rachel Aviv

You Won’t Get Free of It: Stories of Mothers and Daughters, by Rachel Aviv (July 7)

Advertisement

Aviv, New Yorker staff writer and finalist for this year’s Pulitzer Prize, has a fairly extensive purview in her role as reporter at large. Still, when reviewing her latest work, Aviv noticed a crucial throughline: “I realized that, to some degree, I’d been writing about mother-daughter pairs for the last decade,” she explained to the Paris Review. Seeing this, she decided to collect and revise half a dozen of those stories, which cover ground from a daughter’s troubling fugue states to the immigrant nannies who must leave their own children behind, to Alice Munro’s daughter, whose claims of sexual abuse went unheeded yet regularly resurfaced in her mother’s fiction.

Country People, by Daniel Mason

Country People, by Daniel Mason (July 7)

In Mason’s first novel since North Woods, 2023’s critical darling and book club stalwart, readers are plopped right back in the New England woods but the time scale has shrunk considerably. Whereas North Woods spanned centuries, his new novel confines itself to a single year, during which Miles, loving family man and lackadaisical Ph.D. candidate, plans to finally buckle down on that derelict degree of his and reassert his worth to one and all! At least, that’s the idea. But plans don’t stand much of a chance when there are eccentric neighbors to befriend and mysterious local legends to investigate.

Advertisement

Continue Reading

Lifestyle

Jessica McCormack: How a Challenger Is Seizing the Jewellery Opportunity

Published

on

Jessica McCormack: How a Challenger Is Seizing the Jewellery Opportunity
The London-based independent jewellery label, which sells high-end pieces for everyday wear, has boosted sales by leveraging jewellery as a means of self expression. Chief executive Leonie Brantberg details in our latest report ‘Face to Face With Luxury Clients’ the brand’s strategy and expansion plans.
Continue Reading

Lifestyle

What a divorce coach wishes couples knew before ending a marriage

Published

on

What a divorce coach wishes couples knew before ending a marriage

Karen McNenny is a certified divorce coach, certified co-parenting specialist and author of the book The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family.

Wiley/Jossey-Bass/NPR, Nicole Wickens/NPR


hide caption



toggle caption

Advertisement

Wiley/Jossey-Bass/NPR, Nicole Wickens/NPR

When Karen McNenny was facing divorce about 15 years ago, she was afraid of what it would mean for her future: despair, debt and a lifetime of resentment, she says.

At the same time, she was thinking of her two children, she says. She didn’t want their father to become her enemy.

So she and her former husband chose to approach divorce differently as a couple. “We’re going to renovate and transform this family. We’re not going to destroy it,” she says. “The marriage is ending, not your relationship.”

Advertisement

For McNenny, a mediator, certified divorce coach and certified co-parenting specialist, divorce is a tool, not a weapon. She expands on this concept in The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family, which came out this spring. The book offers guidance on how to maintain compassionate and respectful ties with a former spouse while also healing and moving forward.

According to Pew Research Center, a third of Americans who have ever been married had a first marriage that ended in divorce. For that reason, McNenny hopes her book becomes a must-read for couples before they get married. “The best time to talk about divorce is before you need to talk about it,” she says.

She shared insights from her book in a conversation with Life Kit. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

The book is called The Good Divorce. What does that mean?

[For those with kids,] the good divorce is about protecting the future of the family while we dissolve the marriage.

Advertisement

After the paperwork is done and the assets have been divided, can you and your co-parent sit on the same side of the bleachers during the basketball game? Can you still see yourselves as a partnership, with the ability to have thoughtful conversations about your kids?

For those who don’t have kids, [the good divorce is] about protecting your health — your mental health and your physical health. If we are doubling down with resentment and bitterness, all of that gets stored in the body and shows up in different ways. You deserve a pathway that’s less destructive.

Continue Reading
Advertisement

Trending