I Refused to Switch Seats on a Plane. Twice. Was I Wrong?

I’m an organized individual. After I journey, I ebook my flights effectively prematurely. This normally lets me declare my most well-liked seat: on the aisle within the bulkhead row. I’ve lengthy legs, and people seats have a tendency to offer extra legroom — not that I’ve to justify myself. This brings me to my downside: The final two occasions I’ve flown, a steward requested me to alter seats to accommodate a mother or father flying alone with young children. My transferring would permit them to take a seat collectively. However I didn’t need to transfer! (They might have booked prematurely, too.) So, I politely refused. A number of passengers made nasty feedback. Was I incorrect to carry my floor?

LISSA

Typically, you might be entitled to take a seat within the seat that you just paid for — the one that’s printed in your boarding move. (Let’s put apart guidelines about emergency exit rows and different particular circumstances.) You weren’t “incorrect” to politely refuse a request to maneuver. Any variety of passengers may have carried out so to accommodate these households.

I wouldn’t be doing my job, although, if I didn’t encourage you to empathize with the dad and mom. Flying with younger youngsters is difficult; doing so whereas sitting in separate rows, or beneath surprising circumstances (a distant member of the family falling unwell, for example), is much tougher. Now, none of this obliges you to alter seats. Simply let or not it’s a part of your calculation.

Personally, I’m a softy for switching the place youngsters are concerned, and fewer so for adults (if I’ve an excellent seat). I recommend that stewards look elsewhere for volunteers if fellow passengers attempt to disgrace me from the sidelines. And I all the time ask if an improve is offered. The complimentary wine and heat nuts of enterprise class are a balm to many wounds.

Not Him

Our wedding ceremony is approaching. My future husband has 4 siblings, one among whom is single. As we finalized our visitor listing, it was apparent to me that his single sister wouldn’t get a plus one for the marriage. However my fiancé objected. His sister sometimes brings a male good friend to household occasions, and so they interact in public shows of affection which might be awkward for everybody. Additionally, our wedding ceremony is going down throughout the nation, and together with this man in wedding ceremony occasions over a number of days doesn’t sit proper with me. Am I being old style?

BRIDE-TO-BE

That is your wedding ceremony. You might be allowed to be as old style as you and your fiancé comply with be. Have in mind, although, that his sister could also be essential to him. And since you might be asking folks to fly throughout the nation to spend a number of days celebrating your wedding ceremony, he could need to provide his sister the courtesy of a companion.

Nonetheless, you have got an equal vote right here. I’m not precisely clear whether or not your objection to the plus one is that his sister is single, her P.D.A. along with her boyfriend makes you uncomfortable otherwise you simply don’t need to see this man at your wedding ceremony. (Possibly it’s all three!) Be straight along with your fiancé and speak this via. Sadly, it won’t be the final compromise you two have to achieve.

How Many Occasions Do I Should Say It?

I made pals with a lady whom I see at my youngsters’ play dates and within the park. I discover myself bristling at how pushy she is: insisting that I mother or father like she does or attend occasions I’ve already informed her I don’t need to go to. I’m pleased to be cordial once I see her, however she isn’t taking the trace once I reply to her invites by saying “I’m busy.” They preserve coming. What ought to I do?

MOM

It’s not your job to placate anybody — although I acknowledge that ladies typically really feel pressured to. For me, it in all probability wouldn’t be definitely worth the emotional vitality (and attainable fallout at future play dates) to stage a proper breakup with an informal acquaintance.

The following time she tries to strain you, assert your self: “I’ve already stated I don’t need to go.” You can additionally change the way in which you reply to her invites, from “I’m busy” — which suggests you’ll go should you weren’t busy — to “No, thanks.” That approach, your message might be clear.

Hey, I Stay Right here!

I not too long ago moved from Denver to Saint Paul, Minn. After I meet new folks, they typically apologize on behalf of Minnesota (“Sorry concerning the winters!” — as if I didn’t understand it was chilly right here earlier than I got here) or categorical shock that I selected to maneuver (“I might like to reside in Denver!”). It was humorous at first. Now, it’s getting annoying. I prefer it right here. How ought to I reply when folks query my life selections after simply assembly me?

NEW IN TOWN

Individuals blurt — particularly about climate in the course of winter. We won’t cease that. However you might be able to short-circuit these annoying conversations. Provide one other interpretation immediately: “Sounds such as you want a trip. I adore it right here, and I’m delighted I moved!” I’ll wager that adjustments these chats.

For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.