Movie Review: “Venom: The Last Dance,” and Thank God for That

Well, that’s enough of THAT, thank-you very much.

Maybe now that the steadily deteriorating Marvel franchise “Venom” has stuck out its tooth-ringed tongue one last time, we can get our Tom Hardy back.

The actor who made his mark in Christopher Nolan epics (“Dunkirk,” “Inception”), high concept thrillers (“The Drop,” “Legend”) and stand-out indies (“Bronson,” “Locke”) has been so swallowed up by this crap/crappier/crappiest comic book series that he’s managed only recurring roles on “Peaky Blinders,” the summer bust “The Bikeriders” and the occasional…podcast?

That’s criminal.

So they needed to give us “Venom: The Last Dance,” a picture that would wrap up the trilogy about the mild-mannered reporter “possessed” by a toothy, carnivorous, foul-mouthed alien beastie with “boundaries” issues. Hardy, playing Eddie and voicing that alien smartass Venom, gave writer-director Kelly Marcel some thoughts and earned a story credits for coming up with this alien invasion action comedy.

But that’s about all he got out of this, other than paychecks and a working vacation in Spain.

Eddie Brock is on the lam with his inner-voice bestie in Mexico, drinking both of them into a stupor, sometimes shifting “universes” to stretch out the definition of “last call.”

Venom has thoughts about “that multiverse s—.” As do we all.

Back in the U.S., Eddie’s wanted for murder, Area 51 is about to close and commando commander Strickland (Chiwetel Ejiofor) is hellbent on finding Eddie and his alien “symbiote” first. His elite team of soldiers dangling from lines beneath a V-22 Osprey are no match for Venom, even if they can track Eddie down to Mexico, or follow “We ARE Venom” making “our” way to New York by way of Vegas.

A white-haired alien entity — Knull (CGI Andy Serkis) from Venom’s old stomping grounds is seeking to end life in the universe as we know it, and sends more monstrous symbiotes in search of a “codex” key to…unlocking something — whatever’s strong enough to keep Knull in stir. Venom has it.

Lightning-scarred researcher Dr. Payne (Juno Temple) works in the super secret lab and symbiote research facility BENEATH Area 51. She’s hoping these shape-shifting beasties will be our friends.

But before all these characters and agendas can collide, Eddie/Venom have to “possess” a horse and hitch a ride with a UFO cultist (Rhys Ifans), his hippie wife (Alanna Ubach) and their non-believer kids, leading to a Sing-along-to-“Space Oddity” in a VW Microbus.

Because none of this is remotely serious, even if Hardy was too “serious” to sing along.

Characters return from earlier films, a stop in Vegas goes rather like one would expect and there’s an epic CGI brawl involving one and all that drives the finale, where Eddie and Venom the “lethal protector” of Earth fight creatures just as lethal as them.

None of its the least bit interesting, with only an occasional laugh landing amidst the mayhem and PG-13 profanity. The pacing is slow, the Spanish scenery (meant to be Mexico, Area 51, et al) generic.

And while I appreciate the attempted light tone of these films, the jokes that “We ALL have a monster inside of us” and “No one PHONES HOME (like E.T.) from here” don’t pack much of a punch.

The fights are less of a blur than earlier “Transformers/Marvel” CGI throwdowns, but nothing that would keep any non-fan awake through to the end.

Hardy, perfecting the “meek” American shlub “type” he tackled in “The Drop” years ago, soldiers through this and has as much fun with the synthesized voice of Venom as he can.

But the best thing about that is even if this is a hit he won’t have to do it again. Ever. I can’t wait to see him in something else. Anything else. Even a “Peaky Blinders” movie would do nicely, thank you very much.

Rating: PG-13, violence, alcohol abuse, profanity

Cast: Tom Hardy, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Juno Temple, Stephen Graham, Peggy Lu, Alanna Ubach, Cristo Fernández and Rhys Ifans

Credits: Scripted and directed by Kelly Marcel. A Sony release.

Running time: 1:44