Editor’s Note: This story features a description of a suicide attempt.
BOSTON — Red Sox star Jarren Duran said that he knew there were hotlines and resources available when he tried to commit suicide in 2022.
He also knew he had plenty of family members and friends who loved him. But he didn’t want to be a burden on them.
“It’s just that when you’re going through it, you just don’t really want to talk about it,” Duran said at Fenway Park on Tuesday. “It’s just like you vs. you and you just kind of shut yourself off from the world. And it’s pretty lonely. The resources were there. You just don’t wanna be a bother. Personally, that’s just what I thought. I thought I was just a bother to talk about it.”
Duran revealed his 2022 suicide attempt in the fourth episode of the Netflix eight-part docuseries’ “The Clubhouse: A Year with the Red Sox,” which was released earlier Tuesday.
“I thought, ‘Why is my life so important to talk about when other people have to go through stuff?‘” Duran said Tuesday. ”There’s people with families, kids. They’re going through stuff. When I put all that stuff in my head, it’s like, yeah, there’s no way I’m gonna bother somebody else with my problems. So that’s what was going through my head.”
Both Duran and his parents released a statement through the Red Sox earlier Tuesday.
“The whole purpose of me sharing is just to get it out there and let people know that they’re not alone,” Duran said. “Even if I can just help one person, it’s meaningful. So I’m just trying to let people know that there’s always help and to make sure that they’re reaching out.”
Duran said “it means a lot” to know the Samaritans Statewide Hotline has received triple the calls since news of his suicide attempt Monday. Several outlets, including MassLive, received a pre-screening and were allowed to write about Duran’s story a day before the documentary was released.
“That was the whole purpose of me sharing,” Duran said. “It’s not easy to talk about. But I just really thought deep down that if I could help at least one person that it was gonna be meaningful and to hear that is awesome. So I hope I can help inspire people to talk about it more.”
Duran’s parents just recently found out about the suicide attempt. They did not know at the time of the Netflix interview.
“They’ve always been really supportive of me,” Duran said. “I know I kind of kept it hidden from them just because I didn’t wanna bother them. And they always saw me as like a hardworking kid who’s doing really good and doesn’t really have anything to bother them. And I didn’t want to change that image that they had of me. So I didn’t really bother ‘em about it, but I was able to sit down and talk to them and let them know. And they’ve been nothing but supportive of course.”
He said it’s not something he thought about sharing when Netflix began filming.
“But the situation just kind of happened, just unfolded,” he said. “And I was sitting there quiet. Didn’t really think that it was a good moment to talk about it. But then … I just thought this could possibly help people out there that don’t really want to talk about it. So I just took that leap of faith and hoped that it was gonna do more good than bad.”
Duran said it’s still not easy for him to reach out for help. He said he “still struggles with it.”
“It’s like trying to tell an alcoholic not to drink,” he said. “I’ve never really been a very vocal person with my feelings. But I have good friends around me that know how to drag it outta me. But I’ve been a lot better.”
He added, “Every day I’ve got to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how proud I am of myself, even if I don’t feel like it. Just trying to give myself some positive reinforcement.”
He said he encourages everyone going through the same thing to ask for help.
“I know it’s not easy. I know that I never wanted to ask anybody because I always felt like I was a bother,” Duran said. “But I’ve been told by tons of friends and family that it’s never a bother to somebody that cares about you. So if you’re asking somebody that cares for you as much as you care for them, then it’s never gonna be a bother to them to ask for help.”
He said he’s definitely reached out a lot more to friends and family than he used to. He said, “that’s a big thing for me.”
“Even when I tell myself I’m not gonna bother someone with this, I like go back to stuff that I’d journaled before that told me like, ‘Hey, if you ever get into this head space again, make sure you reach out.’ So just reminding myself that it’s important to reach out and just knowing that other people are doing that because I talked about it, it’s really heartwarming and I hope that I can help spread the love that people need to support each other.“
He said his support system “has his back.” He said his teammates “have always been amazing” and supportive.
“And even hearing this kind of stuff, they haven’t changed the way they’ve talked to me or anything like that,” Duran said. “So that’s been the biggest thing. I didn’t want it to be this thing where they like treat me differently. But no they’re still talking smack to me and I’m talking smack back to them and they still have that love language. So it’s been awesome.”
Duran said it’s still difficult these days for athletes to talk about mental health.
“I think it’s still tough to talk about because I’d see people look at us just like we’re like super humans and they can say whatever they want to us and it’s not gonna affect us. And they don’t really realize that we are humans at the end of the day. Fans are still gonna be fans, they’re still gonna chirp us. But like I think that talking about it more we’ll just help athletes talk to other athletes about what they’re going through.”
He said he feels more equipped now to deal with the pressures and the ups-and-downs of being an athlete.
He’s also launching a foundation.
“For me, I just want people to feel like they have somebody to talk to and that we can get them the help they need,” Duran said. “I know I want to focus on everybody, but also the younger generation, because I know growing up I had no idea what was going on. So I feel like if we can help them at a younger age, it just prepares them for their adulthood.”
He said he’s already seen some feedback on social media.
“I’ve seen a couple comments on some of my posts about kids that are like, ‘Hey, like I’m your biggest fan, and knowing that you’re talking about it means I can talk about it.’ So I wanted to say thank you and seeing that kind of stuff like really, really hits deep.”
Duran said he has had younger players in the organization ask him about how he deals with pressure, including some during spring training this year.
“That was like really eye-opening,” he said.
Manager Alex Cora said Monday that Duran sharing his experience will save lives.
“I didn’t really put that into perspective until he said that and I sat back and was like, yeah hearing that people are talking about it more and that could help a lot of people help save their lives,” Duran said. “Just getting out there is, has been really eye-opening and I hope it does. That was the whole purpose of it was to just get it out there. Like I’ll take the media for these people to be able to talk about it on the back end.”
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, you are not alone.
Samaritans Statewide Hotline
Call or Text: 1-877-870-HOPE (4673)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Press # 1 if you are a Veteran
The Trevor Helpline
866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386) Support designed for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth and young adults
