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Column: Hey, Joe, it's OK to call it quits and leave with dignity and pride

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Column: Hey, Joe, it's OK to call it quits and leave with dignity and pride

If I were a relative or close confidant of President Biden, I’m pretty sure I’d give him a hug, thank him for his service, and tell him to seriously consider walking away.

I’d tell him that after a life of service, he can pass the torch with pride, with dignity, and with grace.

Someone probably should have done this months ago, out of love or duty, and out of the concern that Biden’s health is likely to get worse in coming years.

But we’re not very good at this sort of thing — at summoning the courage it takes to confront a loved one or a boss who’s in decline and being totally honest about it. To be courteous but firm. I had trouble telling my own father it was time to give up driving. He resisted, unaware of or unwilling to accept the reality of his obvious shakiness behind the wheel, and unwilling to surrender his keys or his pride.

California is about to be hit by an aging population wave, and Steve Lopez is riding it. His column focuses on the blessings and burdens of advancing age — and how some folks are challenging the stigma associated with older adults.

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By many accounts, people close to Biden have been aware of a decline but have not pressed him to step aside. The New York Times reported on Tuesday that in “the weeks and months” before last Thursday’s presidential debate, “several current and former officials and others who encountered him behind closed doors noticed that he increasingly appeared confused or listless, or would lose the thread of conversations.” There are also reports that people are encouraging him to keep going.

There are some analogies to California‘s Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who died last year at the age of 90 after more than 30 years in office. If there was any inner-circle effort to persuade her to leave the Senate due to her obvious cognitive and physical decline, that effort failed. She died in office after announcing she would not run again.

In some cases, stepping aside is the right thing to do.

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This might sound odd to those who’ve followed my Golden State column over the last 28 months. One of my driving principles has been to stand firm against the notion that we’re incapable of contributing as we age, or that our value diminishes.

In recent columns, I’ve been pointing out, with the help of experts, that you can’t diagnose dementia from afar, though many people have tried to do so in Biden’s case, especially after his debate performance.

I’ve also written that whatever the cause of his foggy gaze and occasional meandering phrase (the medical possibilities are numerous), Biden seemed lost and unsteady. He may still have some gas in the tank, but time is working against him. A year from now, or two, or three or four, how will he be?

The world population is aging rapidly, and more people are staying on the job longer — and while the benefits are many, the risks are real. Bodies and minds break down. It’s OK, when they do, to punch out and move on.

Since the debate, I’ve been thinking about something USC gerontology professor Caroline Cicero said to me last year, when I wrote about whether Biden or Feinstein should step aside.

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“I’m very concerned about ageism in the workplace, but I’m also concerned about people who think they have to work forever,” said Cicero. “Giving people permission to retire is something I think we need to do.”

She picked up on that line of thinking this week.

“In recent decades, society has told us that we can have it all. In a battle against ageism, we tell people they can work as long as they want,” she said. “In a battle to prove ourselves, we tell ourselves we can beat normal slowdowns that come with the passage of time.”

But most of us can’t.

Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney, each north of 80, are still holding a tune, and Warren Buffett, at 93, seems to be doing OK. But that’s the thing about aging, as I‘ve said before: You can be old at 60 and young at 85.

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Biden has obvious strengths, chief among them experience, wisdom, decency, civility and the empathy that comes with crushing loss. It may be that those in his inner circle, knowing what he’s made of, can’t bring themselves to question his strength and resolve, even in the face of obvious decline. Sure, his family knows him better than we do, but maybe they can’t see what we see from afar.

Some of you might be wondering, right about now, that if I’m all about frank discussions on knowing when it’s time to go, then how come I’m not bringing the Trump family into this.

I would, but their task is even harder than the Biden family’s. What would be the point of saying to a convicted felon who continues to insist he won the 2020 election, “Hey Pop, the fact-checkers are still recovering from the workout you gave them in the last debate”? It takes a bit of humility to see the truth about yourself, and when you begin listing the qualities that define Donald Trump, humility and truth do not make the cut.

 Donald Trump raising his right hand as he speaks in front of a blue backdrop with repeated red and light blue CNN logos

Former President Trump, debating Biden last week, would be even less inclined to heed any advice to leave the race.

(Gerald Herbert / Associated Press)

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Biden may be having trouble seeing himself as anything other than what he is now — a public servant at the top of the flow chart. You can’t be president of the United States without a healthy ego, and in jobs that people are passionate about — that become their very identity — they often can’t imagine what or who else they could be in retirement, provided they can afford to retire, which many cannot.

These people may not be able to imagine that anyone waiting in the wings is as up to the task as they are, and perhaps that’s part of Biden’s calculation. If he takes the next exit, who would take his place? And is there enough time for Vice President Kamala Harris or any of the other potential last-minute candidates to find traction?

It never should have come to this.

The late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg comes to mind as Exhibit A for lessons on the price of stubbornly holding on. She refused to surrender her position as her health faded, and women’s reproductive rights suffered a blow as a result.

“I see it with entrepreneurs who created a business and have hard time letting go,” said Helen Dennis, who started a support group called Renewment — combining the words “renewal” and “retirement” — 25 years ago for successful women who had trouble imagining the next versions of themselves. The group now includes “teachers, nurses, doctors, several attorneys,” all of them leaning on each other as they learn “how to navigate the next chapter.”

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Work is not life, and life is not work, USC’s Cicero once said to me. That must be a foreign concept to a sitting president, but I’m thinking of former President Jimmy Carter as one of the best examples of those who have found ways to contribute after leaving office. He took up a hammer and went to work for Habitat for Humanity — and he won the Nobel Peace Prize for working on peaceful solutions to world conflicts.

“People often fear retirement because they don’t want to be labeled as old, invisible or unimportant,” Cicero said. And many of those who are “addicted to routine don’t know how they will spend their time without the rigors of a work schedule,” she added — but that “does not mean they need to keep working to have a satisfying later life.”

Biden, after his debate stumble, was quickly back on the stump, telling supporters that when you’re knocked down, you get back up and keep fighting.

But Father Time, as they say, is the one who’s undefeated.

I’d remind Biden that the country and the world have problems neither he nor Trump can fix, and that if he’s reelected he will be subjected to four more years of unrelenting judgments about his fitness to hold office.

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I’d tell him that, at 81, when you’re knocked down, you’ve earned a rest.

And there’s no shame in that.

steve.lopez@latimes.com

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Trump Energy Sec pick to share American 'energy dominance' vision at confirmation hearing: 'Agent for change'

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Trump Energy Sec pick to share American 'energy dominance' vision at confirmation hearing: 'Agent for change'

Chris Wright, President-elect Trump’s nominee to lead the U.S. Department of Energy, is planning to tell senators in charge of his confirmation that he will focus on restoring American “energy dominance” at home and abroad. 

Wright, a fossil fuel executive who in the past has been critical of the media blaming climate change for repeated wildfires, is expected to deliver his opening statement before the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee on Wednesday morning. Fox News Digital obtained a copy of the statement in advance ahead of the hearing scheduled to start at 10 a.m. ET.

“I am humbled by the great responsibility this position holds,” Wright is expected to say in his opening statement. “America has a historic opportunity to secure our energy systems, deliver leadership in scientific and technological innovation, steward our weapons stockpiles, and meet Cold War legacy waste commitments.” 

Describing himself as a “science geek, turned tech nerd, turned lifelong energy entrepreneur,” Wright will tell the committee how his “fascination with energy started at a young age in Denver, Colorado.” His opening statement discusses how he enrolled at MIT “specifically to work on fusion energy” and later started graduate school at the University of California at Berkeley where he worked “on solar energy as well as power electronics.”

TRUMP EYES AN END TO NEW WINDMILL PRODUCTION UNDER SECOND TERM, SAYS THEY ARE ‘DRIVING THE WHALES CRAZY’

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Liberty Oilfield Services Inc. CEO Chris Wright laughs as he celebrates the companies IPO on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, January 12, 2018. (Reuters)

“Energy is the essential agent of change that enables everything that we do. A low energy society is poor. A highly energized society can bring health, wealth, and opportunity for all,” Wright will say. “The stated mission of the company that I founded – Liberty Energy – is to better human lives through energy. Liberty works directly in oil, natural gas, next generation geothermal and has partnerships in next-generation nuclear energy and new battery technology.” 

“Energy has been a lifelong passion of mine, and I have never been shy about that fact,” Wright plans to tell the committee. “Then again, I have never been shy about much. President Trump shares my passion for energy and, if confirmed, I will work tirelessly to implement his bold agenda as an unabashed steward for all sources of affordable, reliable and secure American energy.”

On Tuesday, committee Democrats led by Sen. Martin Heinrich of New Mexico called for Wright’s confirmation hearing to be delayed by at least a week, citing how they had not yet received “the standard financial disclosure report, ethics agreement, or the opinions from the designated agency ethics officer and the Office of Government Ethics stating that the nominee is in compliance with the ethics laws.” 

Chairman Mike Lee, R-Utah, has already pushed back the confirmation hearing for Doug Burgum, Trump’s pick for interior secretary, by two days until Thursday due to an OGE paperwork delay, but Wright’s remained on the schedule Wednesday. 

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Wright CEO headshot

Liberty Oilfield Services CEO Chris Wright at Liberty January 17, 2018.  (Andy Cross/The Denver Post via Getty Images)

If approved as secretary, Wright would manage energy policy and production in the United States, as well as the nation’s nuclear weapon stockpile. He would also work with Burgum on the National Energy Council, where they would develop Trump’s energy dominance policy involving increased production of U.S. oil and gas.

Wright has indicated that he plans to resign as CEO and chairman of his fracking company, Liberty Energy, if approved.

DEMS BLAME LA FIRE ON ‘CLIMATE CHANGE’ DESPITE CITY CUTTING FIRE DEPARTMENT BUDGET

Burgum on Capitol Hill

Trump’s nominee to be Secretary of the Interior Doug Burgum rides an elevator in the Dirksen Senate Office Building on Dec. 10, 2024 in Washington, DC.  (Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)

In his opening statement, Wright identifies three “immediate” tasks that he would focus his attention on if confirmed.

“The first is to unleash American energy at home and abroad to restore energy dominance,” Wright will say. “The security of our nation begins with energy. Previous administrations have viewed energy as a liability instead of the immense national asset that it is. To compete globally, we must expand energy production, including commercial nuclear and liquified natural gas, and cut the cost of energy.” 

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“Second, we must lead the world in innovation and technology breakthroughs,” the statement continues. “Throughout my lifetime, technology and innovation have immeasurably enhanced the human condition. We must protect and accelerate the work of the Department’s national laboratory network to secure America’s competitive edge and its security. I commit to working with Congress on the important missions of the national laboratories.” 

“Third, we must build things in America again and remove barriers to progress,” Wright will say. “Federal policies today make it too easy to stop projects and very hard to start and complete projects. This makes energy more expensive and less reliable. President Trump is committed to lowering energy costs and to do so, we must prioritize cutting red tape, enabling private sector investments, and building the infrastructure we need to make energy more affordable for families and businesses.” 

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Column: He lost everything in a wildfire. Here's one city councilman's practical advice

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Column: He lost everything in a wildfire. Here's one city councilman's practical advice

Jeff Okrepkie wants to make one thing perfectly clear.

Yes, his home burned to the ground after he fled a galloping wall of flames with his wife, their toddler, two dogs and the few items they managed to cram into their cars. But no, Okrepkie insisted, he is not a fire victim.

“I’m a survivor,” he said. “It seems kind of ticky-tacky, but it helps with my mental state to think of myself that way … I survived something that many people haven’t.”

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Okrepkie and his wife lost their home and virtually everything they owned in the 2017 Tubbs fire, which turned a wide swath of the Wine Country — including Santa Rosa’s middle-class Coffey Park neighborhood — into a heap of cinder and ash. At the time, it was the most destructive wildfire in California history. Soon, it may rank a mere third, with the still-blazing Los Angeles County inferno topping the list.

Okrepkie, 45, a commercial real estate agent, was displaced through ill fortune. He was elected years later to the Santa Rosa City Council by popular vote. He became an advocate for wildfire survivors, their champion and a clearinghouse of recovery tips by choice and his lived experience.

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“How can you have all this information and not share it?” he said during a conversation this week a few blocks from City Hall and a short drive from the subdivision where he returned nearly 2½ years after fire chased him out. “It’s almost seems selfish not to.”

The October weekend that forever changed Okrepkie’s life began in what now seems like blessed normalcy.

He and his wife, Stephanie, attended a wedding on Saturday, a welcome bit of alone time in adult company. Their son was nearly 2 years old and had lately “started scaling the walls,” so Sunday was spent converting his crib into “a big-boy bed.” After it was made up, Okrelie took a picture because they were all so excited.

The rest transpired in a flash.

Reports of a fire breaking out in Napa, 40 miles away. His wife nodding off in front of the TV news. Okrepkie falling asleep. His sister calling and waking him with word of another fire, in Calistoga, 16 miles distant and spreading on powerful winds.

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Not much later, the flames leapt Highway 101 and its six lanes and bore down on Coffey Park. Stephanie Okrepkie drove away with her son, the family’s black Lab mix and their Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Jeff stayed behind, grabbing what he could, until a giant ember landed at his feet, spitting sparks. He took off.

City Councilman Jeff Okrepkie stands in front of Santa Rosa City Hall

Santa Rosa City Councilman Jeff Okrepkie

(Mark Z. Barabak)

He dispenses his wildfire wisdom in two parts, before and after disaster strikes.

Okrepkie suggested starting with a list of things to grab before you’re forced to go. Figure out what you can get your hands on in five minutes or less and start there, beginning with “the things that are crucial to your life” — passports, birth certificates, marriage certificates, insurance policies, wills, trusts. Expand the list to items you can conceivably gather in 10, 15 and 30 minutes.

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Focus, Okrepkie said, on things that are irreplaceable — “an urn with your parents remains, wedding rings” — or that have sentimental value. Clothes, shoes, underwear, pet food; those types of things can be purchased later.

Okrepkie particularly regrets leaving behind a photo of his grandparents, which his late grandmother carried with her everywhere. His wife lost the military fatigues her father wore when he was killed in Iraq, though the couple recovered his dog tags and “challenge coin.”

If you lose your home, Okrepkie went on, don’t wait to find temporary housing. “As soon as you get stabilized somewhere,” he advised, “start calling apartments.” And if it’s unfurnished, make do with used or donated items. “When you get back into your house,” Okrepke said, “that’s when you start spending on the dining room table … that looks nice in your home.”

Beyond that, he counseled patience.

Take as much time as you need to catalog your losses for insurance purposes. If you can collect, say, up to $700,000 and devote 10 hours to compiling a thorough list, that works out to $70,000-an-hour. “That’s a pretty well-paying job,” Okrepkie said. “Think of it that way.”

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Also, he said, carefully document every interaction with your insurance company. You’re likely to deal with a number of adjusters, some of whom will move on before your claim is settled. It’s important to have written proof of what was said or promised, so you don’t have to start each time with someone new.

When it comes to rebuilding — if that’s your plan — don’t hurry. Yes, Okrepkie said, there’s an understandable urge to return home as quickly as possible. But he warned against making decisions in haste — in part because rules and regulations can change, affecting what and how you’re able to rebuild. “If you’re rushing, you could be doing something to fit into a box that all of a sudden just became bigger three weeks later.”

He was glad he purchased his new home from a “mass builder” — a developer that goes through the permitting and legal process, then offers buyers a range of floor plans and options — rather than going it alone with an individual architect and builder.

“Most people have never built a house,” Okrepkie said. “They just bought a house that already exists. And so they don’t know what goes together” — carpets, countertops, cabinets, tiles and on. “Whereas these guys were like, ‘Yep, we have this and this and this and this and this.’ It’s a lot easier to comprehend when you have limited choices.”

Through it all, Okrepkie said, building and nurturing a sense of community was vital.

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“I can sit here and tell you my entire fire story,” he said over lunch at a cantina in downtown Santa Rosa, “and you’ll empathize with it.” But even the most caring and compassionate person can’t relate “in the same way as someone who’s going through what you’re going though.”

A friend started a gathering that jokingly came to be called “Whine Wednesdays,” where survivors got together — at first on camping chairs set amid the ruins — to drink beer and wine “and just talk to each other,” Okrepkie said. “Not bitching and complaining. Just having conversations.”

His activism on behalf of the burned-out neighborhood led to a seat on the city Planning Commission, which in turn led to Okrepkie’s election in 2022 to the Santa Rosa City Council.

As someone with experience on both sides of disaster — as a wildfire survivor as well as a government official dealing with its aftermath — he offered several suggestions for those in public office.

“Be careful with your messaging, because people can take things very personally,” Okrepkie said. “Don’t call people homeless … We have a home. It burnt.”

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Be patient. Very patient. Even as months and years pass and the initial trauma has faded, you’re facing people still grappling with perhaps the worst experience of their life. “Be careful about being too dismissive,” Okrepie said, or coming across as unfeeling.

Don’t be afraid to act boldly if your action can hasten the recovery, he continued. “With electeds there’s always a fear of, ‘Am I going to piss off too many people?’ I don’t think there’s a more altruistic thing you can do than put your neck on the line for people that lost everything.”

Not least, don’t treat survivors as though they’re seeking anything more than they had before.

“We’re not asking to build mansions,” Okrepkie said over his taco salad. “If you have a car you really like and someone hits it, you’re not going to be like, ‘I want a Maserati.’ Just give me what I had … I’m not trying to game the system. There always bad apples that will try to. But most are good people in a crap situation.”

It’s pretty straightforward, he suggested. Be caring. Be kind.

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Video: Democrats Question Hegseth About Misconduct Allegations

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Video: Democrats Question Hegseth About Misconduct Allegations

new video loaded: Democrats Question Hegseth About Misconduct Allegations

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Democrats Question Hegseth About Misconduct Allegations

Democrats on the Senate Armed Services Committee called Pete Hegseth, President-elect Donald J. Trump’s pick for secretary of defense, unfit to serve. Meanwhile, Republicans praised Mr. Hegseth’s record and performance.

“The totality of your own writings and alleged conduct would disqualify any service member from holding any leadership position in the military, much less being confirmed as the secretary of defense.” “Have you ever made unwanted requests for sexual favors or committed any verbal or physical harassment or assault of a sexual nature? The fact is that your own lawyer said that you entered into an N.D.A. and paid a person who accused you of raping her a sum of money to make sure that she did not file a complaint. I have read multiple reports of your regularly being drunk at work. Will you resign as secretary of defense if you drink on the job, which is a 24/7 position?” “I’ve made this commitment on behalf of —” “Will you resign as secretary of defense?” “I’ve made this commitment on behalf of the men and women I’m serving —” “I’m not hearing an answer to my question. So I’m going to move on.” “You claim that this was all anonymous. We have seen records with names attached to all of these, including the name of your own mother. So don’t make this into some anonymous press thing.” “I’m quoting you from the podcast. ‘Women shouldn’t be in combat at all.’ What I see is that there’s a 32-day period in which you suddenly have another description about your views of women in the military, and I just want to know what changed in the 32 days that the song you sang is not the song you come in here today to sing?” “Senator, the concerns I have and the concerns of many have had, especially in ground combat units, is that in pursuit of certain percentages or quotas, standards have been changed.” “Our adversaries watch closely during times of transition, and any sense that the Department of Defense that keeps us safe is being steered by someone who is wholly unprepared for the job, puts America at risk. And I am not willing to do that.” “I know what I don’t know. I know I’ve never run an organization of three million people with a budget of $850 billion.” “Why do you want to do this job? What’s your, what drives you?” “Because I love my country, Senator. And I’ve dedicated my life to the warfighters.” “He is a decorated post-9/11 combat veteran. He will inject a new warrior ethos into the Pentagon, a spirit that can cascade from the top down.”

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