Lifestyle
Tiny Love Stories: ‘I Really Didn’t Want to Hurt Her’
To Honor Our Personal Tastes
Durian. It’s love or hate with this fruit. In my household, solely Grandma and I have been followers. Due to its pungent odor, my relations with milder tastes made a home rule: Durian have to be consumed within the parking zone or playground, by no means indoors. Indignant and banished, I discovered consolation in Grandma’s solidarity. Collectively, we’d wolf down the divisive fruit, reveling in its robust style and frozen flesh. Now, at any time when I really feel outcast, my fellow durian warrior evokes braveness. I keep in mind wanting up at Grandma, chowing down in Hong Kong’s sweltering warmth with a glad smirk, honoring her personal style. — Jocelyn Ming Hei Chan
Laundry Remedy
The day after an ill-fated second date, I referred to as my little brother as I lay in mattress, despondent, in my dingy faculty residence. “I don’t have time to return residence and do laundry immediately,” I stated. “Oh, and I met somebody.” My brother, Felix, listened quietly to my stock of hesitations: She favored me greater than I favored her. She wished dedication. She lived across the block, and I actually didn’t need to harm her. A pause. My brother stated, “You may have time for one load. I’ll come get you.” His pragmatic, light love is excellent. — Ione Madsen Hardy
Going Off Script
Being in an abusive relationship is like performing in a play with an erratic director. The script they write unfailingly serves them, affirms them and diminishes you. If you happen to break character (say, hang around with mates or transfer a houseplant with out asking), they’ll make you pay. So, daily, you rise up and improvise to the very best of your potential. Day after day of improv, all in service of upholding their narrative and avoiding their wrath. Till, maybe, you determine to discover a accomplice who will write a narrative with you, not for you. — Drew Lindgren
‘I Wasn’t Trying For Romance’
Hugh wept speaking about his late spouse, his greatest pal. After that first grief assist session, I stated to my co-facilitator, “I don’t suppose Hugh will probably be again.” However he got here, all eight weeks. He referred to as it a category, although we saved reminding him it wasn’t. I bumped into him months later. I wasn’t searching for romance, however I instructed him about my swing dance classes. He requested if he might be a part of; he was such a very good dancer. A decade later, politics divide the nation. We’re in reverse camps. We will’t watch the information collectively, however we are able to dance. — Eileen Vorbach Collins
When you get dressed for the day and look at yourself in the mirror, is self-criticism the outfit that always seems to fit best?
Los Angeles-based stylist Sophie Strauss, a self-described “stylist for regular people,” wants to change that. She helps her clients find clothes that make them feel confident, comfortable and stylish. One step to getting there is to reframe how they talk about their clothes in relation to their bodies, she says.
People often assume that it’s their fault that their clothes don’t look good on them, says Strauss. But that’s not true. “You’re not failing the shirt. The shirt is failing you.”
So if you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk in the dressing room, take a moment to flip the narrative around, says Strauss. Here are positive and constructive ways to tackle common style complaints.
“I have nothing to wear!”
To start your fashion refresh, take inventory of the clothes you own and identify what makes you feel good.
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People often say this when they feel stuck or bored with their style, says Strauss. But instead of immediately buying a new outfit, look at this as an opportunity to reexamine your wardrobe.
Try on all the clothes in your closet to identify pieces that make you feel good — or simply forgot about, like that sparkly 80s number in the back of your closet. You might be surprised by just how much you have to work with.
Then get creative. Tuck, tie, cuff, roll, belt, layer, cinch. Try wearing a maxi skirt as a dress, then belting it around your waistline. Style your button-down shirts as a layering piece. Strauss says people forget all the ways you can alter clothing to play with its look and feel.
“This outfit isn’t flattering”
If you don’t think an outfit looks “flattering” on you, don’t blame your body, blame the clothing. That can help you find pieces that make you feel more comfortable.
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Comments like “this isn’t flattering” or “this outfit isn’t doing me any favors” are usually code that your clothing isn’t slimming or age-appropriate, says Strauss. And that puts the fault on your body, not the clothing.
So put that onus back on the outfit. Start by saying, “I don’t like this.” Then, unpack why that might be — and get specific. Is the neckline choking you? Is the fabric too itchy? You may realize your outfit isn’t “doing you any favors” because the garment is tight or the material is uncomfortable. And maybe that means swapping out that garment for something you do like.
“I could never pull off that look”
If you’re worried about taking a fashion risk, take baby steps. Practice wearing garments you love (but are nervous about) to low-stakes locales, like the grocery store.
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A woman is walking down the street in an all-white getup. You think to yourself, dang, I wish I could pull off the monochrome look.
Anyone can take fashion risks. It just takes confidence, and that’s something you can build, says Strauss. Find low-stakes opportunities to wear a garment you love but feel nervous about. Rock that glittery new top at the grocery store or that groovy pink wig at your favorite cafe. The more you practice wearing it out, the less scary it’ll feel.
“My outfit isn’t unique enough”
Personal style is about being intentional, not about being the most interesting looking person on the street.
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“There seems to be this misconception that personal style is a race to be the most unique person on the street,” says Strauss.
But personal style is about making the right choices for yourself. If you feel most comfortable running errands in a T-shirt and jeans, you’re doing it right. If you want to wear a feather-trimmed hot pink blazer to feel like the special person you are on your birthday, that’s OK too.
“Help! I feel like this doesn’t match”
There is no rule book on personal style. If it looks good to you, it doesn’t matter if it “matches.”
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Strauss says clients will often come to her looking for concrete guidelines on how to dress. Do these shoes match with this outfit? Am I supposed to wear a belt with these pants?
If you feel any kind of pressure about the right and wrong ways to dress, that’s not style — that’s marketing, says Strauss. Personal style doesn’t have a rule book.
“Style is the expression of your preferences and personality through your clothes,” she says. That means no one else but you can decide if the shoes match your outfit or if your pants need a belt – so rock what feels good to you.
This episode of Life Kit was produced by Clare Marie Schneider. The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual producer is Beck Harlan.
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