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This Is Not About Sexy Secretary Role-Play

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This Is Not About Sexy Secretary Role-Play

My boyfriend, Jamie, was making an attempt to return an uncomfortably tender mattress he had ordered on-line.

He scheduled a pickup, however when the truck arrived, the driving force stated he couldn’t settle for it unboxed. The mattress had been delivered in an industrially compressed state, and its field was lengthy gone (no mortal might have squeezed the unfurled mattress again into that field, anyway).

So Jamie drove to Residence Depot and purchased six of the largest transferring packing containers they’d. Again house, he used up a complete roll of packing tape however nonetheless couldn’t get the behemoth into any type of shippable form. Delirious with frustration, he gave up and tried to get on together with his life, however the mattress loomed in his room like a beacon of defeat.

A number of weeks later, he rekindled his resolve and known as customer support, the place a consultant stated there was a mix-up and he ought to have been booked with a mattress-specific pickup service, no field wanted. A window was scheduled however nonetheless nobody got here.

When Jamie advised me all of this, I perked up, animated like a toy soldier in “The Nutcracker.” Our relationship had been in a nebulous place lately, and I noticed this as a chance to resolve one thing easy — to point out him, in a small however concrete means, that issues actually can work out.

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I jotted down his order data and stepped exterior to make some calls.

There’s a dynamic that tends to emerge in my relationships whereby I get off on taking part in the function of administrative assistant. I’m not speaking about horny secretary role-play. I’m speaking about operating errands, making returns and scheduling appointments — all whereas totally clothed.

My therapist calls my tendency towards logistical care-taking a manipulative bid for management. I name it effectivity activism.

When Jamie and I met over the summer season, we had been each within the thick of life transitions. My five-year relationship was ending, and I used to be getting ready to relocate from Los Angeles to New York, the place I’d transfer again in with my mom and start graduate faculty. Jamie was metabolizing geographic {and professional} modifications himself, in addition to reckoning with the latest analysis of an autoimmune illness.

Assembly on this mind-set, on equally unstable floor, might be terrifying and magical, equally ripe for catastrophe and ecstasy. I consider that is the pinnacle area through which one is maximally inclined to becoming a member of a cult.

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Round this time, my therapist assigned me homework, a guide with a mortifying title: “Boundary Boss.” I positioned a maintain on the library and was relieved to be taught there could be a six-week wait, giving me loads of time to take pleasure in romantic recklessness.

As summer season melted into fall, Jamie and I tumbled from relationship to associates with advantages to doing the Sunday crossword collectively and joking about having twins. “Boundary Boss” remained on maintain on the library, and having a brand new love felt like the most effective antidepressant on the earth.

Round Jamie, I felt myself increasing in unexpected methods. Phrases I had used to explain myself for years — cynical, cautious, un-fun — not appeared relevant to the particular person I used to be turning into. Pleasure, compassion and creativity grew to become far more attention-grabbing to me. As a substitute of killing the bugs on my windowsill, I started trapping them beneath cups and shepherding them exterior. I began sporting extra colour and writing unhealthy poetry.

This part felt like discovering a brand new room in my childhood house — kicking open the door and wiping away the mud, discovering built-in bookshelves and bay home windows. The room had been there all alongside; Jamie simply occurred to have a replica of the important thing.

Then, in November, two main issues occurred: Jamie bought again collectively together with his ex, and Jamie bought bedbugs.

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I swiftly fell right into a pit of anxious despair. I learn the primary 37 pages of “Infinite Jest,” appeared up flats for hire in Norway and discovered that heartbreak refuses to be mentioned in any language aside from excessive cliché. Infuriatingly, I used to be not mad at him. Nonetheless, I did consider him deserving of punishment.

I later discovered that after his spontaneous, halfhearted try at reconciliation, Jamie and his ex realized for the umpteenth time that, romantically, they had been unhealthy information. They got here collectively solely to scatter, items of shrapnel that had reunited for no cause aside from to blow up once more.

When the person who breaks your coronary heart will get bedbugs, it feels fairly biblical. As I wallowed, my creativeness grew to become an increasing number of sadistic. The one milliseconds of pleasure I might conjure had been from picturing the hell he was going by means of, waking up with new bites and blood-flecked sheets, feeling a relentless crawl on his flesh, driving the carousel of disgrace and isolation.

He did all the pieces you’re alleged to do to eradicate bedbugs: He spent kilos of quarters on countless a great deal of laundry, scorched his textiles within the dryer and scrubbed his room into submission. An exterminator got here, however the bedbugs persevered. Jamie’s roommate turned on him; solely the bedbugs remained loyal.

All furnishings needed to go. Jamie dragged his infested mattress to the curb, and a second exterminator was known as to annihilate what the primary couldn’t. By Thanksgiving, 4 weeks after infestation, Jamie was left with a naked room. He went to mattress each night time in a sleeping bag on the ground, surrounded by piles of a chalk-like repellent known as diatomaceous earth that shaped a fringe round his physique, as if he had been a tragic boy scout making an attempt a summoning circle.

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A month after Jamie broke my coronary heart, I texted him. It’s laborious to be a Boundary Boss whenever you’re in love.

Right here’s the factor: I’m a really understanding particular person as a result of I’ve been all kinds of horrible folks. And as somebody who has dabbled within the unforgivable — having lied, stolen and ghosted — I don’t wish to dwell in a world the place actions are irredeemable.

Jamie replied, and we cannonballed into texting, messaging with the fervor of middle-school greatest associates catching up after a monthlong grounding. That night time, we talked on the cellphone for hours — in regards to the stupidity with which he had acted, and about how depressing we had been aside.

I advised him I wished to strive once more. Not as a result of he deserved it, however as a result of our relationship did. It was after we hung up that Jamie ordered the brand new mattress that will grow to be too tender.

Issues bought higher. Jamie saved proving to me that he would present up; he spent six hours within the kitchen making me Bolognese; he learn my favourite books aloud. He continues to be probably the most encouraging particular person I’ve ever encountered. Our relationship regrew, remodeling in just a few months from a leafless keep on with one thing with inexperienced buds to a correct houseplant filled with shiny leaves.

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After our reconciliation, I spent every week at Jamie’s (then parasite-free) house. After I stepped into his bed room, I used to be met with extra mattress than I had anticipated. This was once I requested — demanded, actually — that he ahead me the paper path of his failed return. I wished to carry out the executive service of fixing this as an act of affection, fueled by a hope that hovers midway between optimism and naïveté.

Jamie was doing the dishes 45 minutes later once I sauntered into the kitchen and knowledgeable him that the mattress could be picked up between 4 and 6 p.m. on Wednesday.

“I’ve heard it earlier than,” he stated.

I requested him to have religion.

“I consider in you,” he stated. “However I don’t consider in them.”

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“For now, simply consider in my perception.”

“Positive,” he stated with a smile, flicking water droplets at me.

The mattress was picked up on Wednesday between 4 and 6 p.m., as scheduled. It has but to be refunded, however I’ve determined to let Jamie deal with that. (I nonetheless haven’t learn “Boundary Boss,” however I feel I’m heading in the right direction.)

The phrases hope and redemption have been tumbling round my head recently, like bedding being disinfected within the dryer. I don’t wish to be within the place of relying on somebody to vary, however I do wish to give them room to. There isn’t any means that the particular person I’ve change into in simply the previous few years might match into the field that used to comprise me so effectively. I’ve grown — as a result of I had the area to.

I wished to show to Jamie that we dwell in a world the place mattresses get picked up when they’re scheduled to. I wished to show to myself that new chapters are doable, that the previous doesn’t dictate the long run. That we’re allowed to be as fantastic as we as soon as had been horrible. And that, as soon as free of their cardboard confines, our lives can develop and hold increasing.

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Lifestyle

A new play peers into a band's life, from the inside

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A new play peers into a band's life, from the inside

Stereophonic, a new play on Broadway with music by Arcade Fire’s Will Butler, tracks the volatile creation of a rock and roll album over the course of a year in the 1970s.

Julieta Cervantes/Stereophonic


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Julieta Cervantes/Stereophonic


Stereophonic, a new play on Broadway with music by Arcade Fire’s Will Butler, tracks the volatile creation of a rock and roll album over the course of a year in the 1970s.

Julieta Cervantes/Stereophonic

Stereophonic, a new play on Broadway with music by Arcade Fire’s Will Butler, tracks the volatile creation of a rock and roll album over the course of a year in the 1970s.

The fictional five-member band, on the surface, looks a lot like Fleetwood Mac – it has two couples, one American, one British, and they squabble and break up as they make the record.

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But, for the show’s creative team, it is a hyper realistic look at the costs and glories of making art.

“There are iconographic elements that I stole from Fleetwood Mac,” said playwright David Adjmi, “but I also stole from other things.”

He did a lot of research on bands of the 1970s and recording studios of the time and has written the play in a documentary style.

“We’re going to ask you to peek in,” Adjmi said. “And that’s what creates this kind of weird, titillating feeling for the audience and the feeling that you’re getting something really, really intimate.”

The set for Stereophonic is a working recording studio – from the banged-up mixing console to the 24-track tape machine to the big glass windows looking into a soundproof room where the musicians play and listen on their headphones. The vintage equipment is so real that director Daniel Aukin said, “I’ve learned recently that the song ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ was recorded on it.”

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Over the course of three hours, the audience really gets to know the band and the engineers. They see the musicians hanging out, eating junk food, rolling joints, talking about movies, and squabbling.

Adjmi said he began writing Stereophonic at a point when he was feeling discouraged with theater and thought about quitting. The fights the characters are having with each other are the internal fights he was having with himself.

“Why am I doing this?” he said he asked himself. “I shouldn’t be doing this. This is terrible. It’s not worth it. No, it is worth it. It’s beautiful. I wouldn’t trade this for anything.”

To help the group feel like a band, Will Butler had them open for him in Brooklyn.

Julieta Cervantes/Stereophonic


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To help the group feel like a band, Will Butler had them open for him in Brooklyn.

Julieta Cervantes/Stereophonic

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Turning actors into musicians

Before he had written a word, Adjmi got together in a diner with Will Butler, of the band Arcade Fire, to see if he’d write music for the play. Butler said he got excited as he learned that in the show, the music would be in the process of being created.

“And you’d hear a demo and then you’d hear them mixing in the vocals and you’d hear fragments of it. And the fragments are so compelling, and you want more, but you can’t have more,” he said. “And then, just that initial idea was so rich, I was like, ‘I would love to do this!’”

But in order to pull off Adjmi’s idea, they had to turn actors with some musical ability who could pull off nuanced characters into a believable group of musicians. And that proved complicated.

“It was a long process to find the right balance of people,” said director Daniel Aukin.

“We had to have actors who you would want to cast in a Chekhov play, and we had to have actors who had enough musicality that we could project forward, given support, that they could get to where we needed them to be to pull it off.”

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While Chris Stack, cast as the drummer, was already a solid player, the rest of the cast took music lessons before rehearsal, said Will Brill, who plays the band’s bass player.

“I learned to play really badly right before we started rehearsals,” he said. “And, really, I mean, did a lot of catching up during rehearsals. Like, I didn’t play a note before this thing!”

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Butler said it was a leap of faith, hoping these five actors could become a band. For the first few weeks, much of the rehearsal process was spent in band rehearsals, rather than acting rehearsals. Then, Butler asked the quintet to open for him at a club in Brooklyn.

“And they were great and they learned so much,” he said, “and even just getting to the point where they had to stand on a stage in front of people, before they played a note. Like, that taught them so much of what a being a band is like, that taught them the energy that they’re bringing to the studio.”

Andrew R. Butler and Eli Gelb as sound engineers use realistic-seeming equipment.

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The play tracks the band’s process of creating an album for over a year.

Brill said he’s moved by the final scene of the play, which is just the engineer onstage alone, playing with the faders of that vintage recording console.

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“There is this glass box above his head that sort of looks like a thought bubble in some way,” said the actor, “and it’s as though the artist is sitting alone at his table and you wonder, like, ‘Did he dream all this? Did it ever exist? Was this David [Adjmi] sitting alone at his table with all of his demons and gods?’ It’s very, very moving to me.”

Jennifer Vanasco edited the audio and digital versions of this story.

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Lifestyle

Fashion and Design Collide at Salone Del Mobile

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Fashion and Design Collide at Salone Del Mobile
Fashion’s presence at Milan Design Week intensified this year. Savvy activations by brands including Hermès, Gucci, Bottega Veneta, Loewe and Prada showed how Salone has become a ‘critical petri dish for dalliances between design and fashion,’ Dan Thawley reports.
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Lifestyle

From jailhouse melodies to vanishing salmon, rejuvenate your listening history

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From jailhouse melodies to vanishing salmon, rejuvenate your listening history

VPM; Connecticut Public Radio; NCPR; WWNO; OPB; Colorado Public Radio

Podcast tile art for Track Change, from VPM; Unforgotten: Connecticut's Hidden History of Slavery, from Connecticut Public Radio; The Howl, from NCPR; Sea Change, from WWNO & WRKF; Salmon Wars, from OPB; ¿Quién Are We?, from Colorado Public Radio.

VPM; Connecticut Public Radio; NCPR; WWNO; OPB; Colorado Public Radio

Enjoy the spring bloom, get outside, listen to a new podcast! The NPR One team has gathered a few returning favorites as well as some fresh releases from across public media.

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The podcast episode descriptions below are from podcast webpages and have been edited for brevity and clarity.

NPR Explains… — NPR

Podcast tile art for NPR Explains..., from NPR.
Podcast tile art for NPR Explains..., from NPR.

Sea Change — WWNO & WRKF

Podcast tile art for Sea Change, from WWNO & WRKF.
Podcast tile art for Sea Change, from WWNO & WRKF.

Sea Change is back with a brand new season. And this time, the stakes are even higher. We launch new investigations, travel around the world, and look at how a sea change is underway to solve some of our biggest problems. Come with us to investigate and celebrate life on our changing coasts. Every two weeks, we bring you stories that illuminate, inspire, and sometimes enrage, as we dive deep into the environmental issues facing coastal communities on the Gulf Coast and beyond. We have a lot to save, and we have a lot of solutions. It’s time to talk about a Sea Change.

Listen to “All Gassed Up, Part 1: The Carbon Coast.”

Lost Patients — KUOW

Podcast tile art for Lost Patients, from KUOW.
Podcast tile art for Lost Patients, from KUOW.

Imagine a sprawling house in which every room, doorway, and hall passage was designed by a different architect. Doorways don’t connect. Staircases lead to nowhere. Rooms are cut off from each other. That’s how reporter Will James describes our complicated system for treating people with severe mental illness – a system that, almost by design, loses patients with psychosis to an endless loop between the streets, jail, clinics, courts and a shrinking number of hospital beds. Lost Patients is a deeply-reported, six-part docuseries examining the difficulties of treating serious mental illness through the lens of one city’s past, present and future. With real-life testimonials from patients, families, and professionals on the front lines, Lost Patients provides a real, solutions-oriented look at how we got stuck here…and what we might do to break free.

Listen to part one, “Churn.”

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The Modern West — Wyoming Public Media

Podcast tile art for The Modern West, from Wyoming Public Media.
Podcast tile art for The Modern West, from Wyoming Public Media.

Exactly 100 years to the day after a woman named Eleanor Davis became the first recorded woman to ever climb the Grand Teton – a nearly 14,000 foot-tall mountain that’s the namesake for Grand Teton National Park – an all-female group of climbers is summiting the peak to celebrate her legacy. Hannah Habermann tagged along for the adventure.

Start listening to part one of High Altitude Tales, “Courage is a Muscle.”

Throughline — NPR

Podcast tile art for Throughline, from NPR.
Podcast tile art for Throughline, from NPR.

How did we get here? That’s the driving question behind Throughline’s series, Origins of the Middle East Conflict. The series explores Hamas’ roots in early Islamist movements, the influence of Iran and Hezbollah in their adoption of suicide bombing and other violent strategies, the role the Palestine Liberation Organization played, how both Intifadas moved the needle, and the roles of Israeli, Palestinian, and US politics in bringing us to the moment we’re in today.

Listen to “The Rise of the Right Wing in Israel.”

¿Quién Are We? — Colorado Public Radio

Podcast tile art for ¿Quién Are We?, Colorado Public Radio.
Podcast tile art for ¿Quién Are We?, Colorado Public Radio.

Get ready for a new season of ¿Quién Are We?, a podcast about being Latinx, Hispanic, Chicana – or however you identify – and the beautiful things that make us who we are. Host and journalist May Ortega is back with more everyday stories of incredible people who are exploring their heritage through their personal passions. You’ll hear from an artist, an anthropologist and a game-maker. You’ll hear about the relationship between two enemies, turned lovers and the connection between a father and son. Most importantly, you’ll hear yourself in these stories.

Start listening to “The Therapist.”

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Track Change — VPM

Podcast tile art for Track Change, from VPM.
Podcast tile art for Track Change, from VPM.

As four men are held in a Virginia jail, they record an album to chronicle their efforts to break free from an oppressive cycle of addiction and incarceration. In each music-infused episode of this documentary series, host and trailblazing hip-hop artist Speech Thomas meets a musician at a crossroads in their uphill struggle for freedom, learns what brought them to this inflection point, and helps them record a song that captures this critical moment in their life. From soulful country to fiery hip-hop and haunting R&B, this music affirms the lives of people who are written off by society. And amidst a re-entry crisis afflicting millions of Americans every year, these intimate stories from behind the walls of a local jail ask: What does it take to rebuild a life after incarceration?

Listen to episode 1, “I Wrote This to Inspire.”

Salmon Wars — OPB

Podcast tile art for Salmon Wars, from OPB.
Podcast tile art for Salmon Wars, from OPB.

Salmon Wars tells the story of salmon in the Northwest in a way you haven’t heard before – through the voices of one Yakama Nation family who have been fighting for salmon for generations. We dig in to uncover who is to blame for the salmon vanishing, what can be done before it’s too late and why their disappearance impacts all of us…

Listen to “Ep 1: The Family.”

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Unforgotten: Connecticut’s Hidden History of Slavery — Connecticut Public Radio

Podcast tile art for Unforgotten Connecticut's Hidden History of Slavery, from Connecticut Public Radio.
Podcast tile art for Unforgotten Connecticut's Hidden History of Slavery, from Connecticut Public Radio.

When we think of slavery in the United States, we don’t usually think of the North. But enslaving people was legal in Connecticut for more than 200 years and did not officially end until 1848. In our first episode, Reporter/Producer Diane Orson and Editorial Consultant and Curator Frank Mitchell dive into complicated questions: Who owns this history? Who should present it? In what ways was this history hidden? There’s a deeply-rooted perception that the North was home to the “good guys,” the abolitionists. The truth is far different. Hear from people who are shedding light on this history and why it matters.

Listen to “Episode 1: Slavery has deep roots in New England.”

The Howl — NCPR

Podcast tile art for The Howl, from NCPR.
Podcast tile art for The Howl, from NCPR.

True stories. No notes. That’s the HOWL Podcast. Recorded live on stages in the upper reaches of Northern New York, the HOWL features stories about being hunted by Bigfoot, cooking on car engines, and taking your dog’s medication. Host Ethan Shantie pairs tales from his time as a writer, punk musician, and life-long New Yorker with stories from everyday people in communities all over New York’s “North Country.” In the latest and final episode of season two, Ethan shares the story of his bootlegging family, and live storyteller, Olivia, tells us about the world of underground jelly wrestling.

Listen to “I just found out my great grandparents were bootleggers.”

NPR’s Jessica Green and Jack Mitchell curated and produced this piece.

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