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Commentary: At Sean 'Diddy' Combs trial, the women testifying are on trial too

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Commentary: At Sean 'Diddy' Combs trial, the women testifying are on trial too

Did she scream? Was it loud enough? Was her dress torn enough to prove she fought?

These were some of the questions faced by 17-year-old Lanah Sawyer in 1793 during one of America’s first rape trials, which ended in an acquittal for the wealthy “rake” who assaulted the teenager.

As Week 4 ends in the sex trafficking and racketeering trial of Sean “Diddy” Combs, it’s becoming depressingly clear that the more things change, the more they remain the same — especially when it comes to how we treat survivors of sexual violence. Despite almost a decade of the #MeToo movement, the women testifying against Combs are on trial just as much as he is, and just as much as Sawyer was 232 years ago.

Why didn’t they leave? Why did they text Diddy friendly notes? Isn’t this all just about cashing in?

Once again, women are being asked to explain not just what happened to them, but why they reacted the way they did. It’s our collective ongoing need to police and scrutinize how women react to trauma, while steadfastly refusing to learn anything about trauma.

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For a lot of folks, there is a perceived right way to react to sexual violence — crying, begging, pleading, running, fighting, shouting really loud, reporting it to police immediately. If a woman fails to conform to these narrow, male-approved reactions, well, they must be lying — or willing.

Case in point, Bill Maher’s recent unfunny rant about Cassie Ventura, the woman at the center of the Diddy allegations.

Maher, in a monologue as ignorant as it was self-assured, argued that he could understand why women in the past were hesitant to come forward with allegations of abuse and instead may have thought, “If I can’t get justice for my pain, can I at least get a receipt, a coupon?”

So dismissive of the real barriers women continue to face in the legal system to assume greed is why women sometimes seek civil penalties instead of criminal ones; so disingenuously classist to throw “coupon” in there, an unsubtle nod to the stereotype that victims are poor and opportunistic.

Sadly, Maher is far from the only one to attack Ventura. President Trump, who has been found civilly liable for the sexual assault of E. Jean Carroll, went so far as to hold out the chance of a pardon for Combs if he was convicted.

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Maher went on to say that “things have changed enough” that women should be expected to immediately report any abuse or assaults.

“(D)on’t tell me any more about your contemporaneous account that you said to two friends 10 years ago, tell the police right away,” he lectured. “Don’t wait a decade. Don’t journal about it. Don’t turn it into a one woman show and most importantly, don’t keep f— him.”

Ami Carpenter, an assistant professor at the Joan B. Kroc School of Peace Studies at University of San Diego and an expert in trafficking, told me she doesn’t agree with Maher, to put it gently.

“We have a tendency to think of victims as either deserving or undeserving of care and compassion,” she told me. And a lot of that depends on the way they present themselves.

In Ventura’s instance, and perhaps some of the other women who have testified against Combs, the alleged abuse went on for years. It’s likely that she and others had a trauma bond with Diddy, as do many survivors of long-term sexual violence, whether through sex trafficking or intimate partner abuse.

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Although MAGA immigrant panic has sold us the image of traffickers being Latino cartel members sneaking girls and boys across borders, the reality is most victims are right here in the United States and know — and at one point maybe even trust — their trafficker. It’s a friend, a mentor, a guy who offers protection from an otherwise difficult life. A person like Combs, with power and money and promises of a better life.

And only after the relationship is formed does the trafficking start, with the abuser cycling “between abusive behavior and displays of affection or remorse,” Carpenter said, often leading the victim to a confusing, paralyzing mix of emotions that can include “sympathy, compassion and even love for the abuser.” Because that is what the abuser wants.

In a 2016 study, Carpenter talked to 65 sex traffickers in the San Diego area about how they controlled their victims.

“They all, to a person, understood how to create this psychological connection to their victim,” she said. “In fact, they looked down on traffickers or pimps who, in their words, had to resort to violence because they didn’t know the power of their words. For them, it’s all manipulation, a mental manipulation. And if I extrapolate from that, and I look at Diddy’s behavior, I think it could point to him being aware of what he was doing, acutely aware.”

Dr. Stephanie Richard, a law professor at Loyola Law School and the director of its Sunita Jain Anti-Trafficking Policy Initiative, told me that although fight or flight is the way most people think of resisting abuse or violence, freezing and fawning are common trauma responses as well — and ones that those trapped in long-term abuse often rely on for survival.

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“A lot of victims realize that they won’t be harmed if they’re fawning,” Richard said. “And so these kind of responses are someone trying to keep them safe, because we’re all human, and you can’t live through something so terrible without doing things that protect yourself.”

Like agreeing with the abuser, or even sending them approving texts. Along with Ventura, at least three other women have testified against Combs or are expected to. Two, “Mia” and “Jane,” are attempting to remain anonymous, though Mia has already been outed. A third, Bryana Bongolan, a friend of Ventura’s, testified that Combs once held her up over a balcony railing, leaving her in fear of her life, before throwing her onto nearby patio furniture.

During her cross-examination by Combs’ lawyers, Mia was grilled for hours about her friendly texts with Combs, and whether the abuse had really happened. Attempting to discredit testimony that Combs had once slammed her arm in a door, the defense attorney asked whether she had screamed. Sound familiar?

In the end, Mia explained her behavior with seven words that any survivor will understand: “When he was happy, I was safe,” she testified.

And that’s really what it comes down to for all women: a sense of safety.

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Whether inside a courtroom, online, in the media or in common society, until women are certain they can be safe when they speak up — from their abuser and from the rest of us — they are trapped explaining how they survived, not just what they survived.

Isn’t it enough that they did, and that they’ve found the courage to try to stop that same pain from being inflicted on someone else?

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Eddie Murphy’s son and Martin Lawrence’s daughter welcome first child: ‘That baby gonna be funny!’

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Eddie Murphy’s son and Martin Lawrence’s daughter welcome first child: ‘That baby gonna be funny!’

Eddie Murphy is celebrating not just his lifetime achievement award, but also the arrival of his third granddaughter, perhaps the funniest baby alive.

Murphy’s son Eric and Martin Lawrence’s daughter Jasmin have welcomed their first child together, baby Ari Skye.

On Saturday, Murphy was honored with the 51st AFI Life Achievement Award at a gala in Hollywood and told reporters that he had recently celebrated back-to-back milestones.

“I just had my first grandson two months ago, and I had my third granddaughter two weeks ago. And I turned 65 a month ago,” he told “Entertainment Tonight” ahead of the gala. “It’s raining blessings on me.”

The ceremony celebrated his storied career across comedy and film, and featured tributes from fellow funnyman Dave Chappelle and “Shrek” co-star Mike Myers. The special will premiere May 31 on Netflix.

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The “Dr. Dolittle” star also gushed about his new grandbaby to E! News, and told the outlet that being honored for his work was “a wonderful thing” but that his legacy wasn’t his work.

“My legacy to me is my children,” he said.

Asked whether he or Lawrence offered their kids any parenting advice as they prepared to welcome Ari Skye, Murphy said he’s more of a lead-by-example kind of dad.

“You don’t give advice like that,” he told the outlet. “Your kids don’t go by your advice. Your kids go by the example you set. They watch you. Stuff you be saying, they don’t even pay that no mind. They watch and see what you do.”

In March, Jasmin and Eric posted photos from their lavish baby shower on social media. The shindig included a three-tiered pink cake, pink cocktails garnished with meringue that looked like clouds and balloons galore. “The most beautiful and special celebration for our baby girl,” the couple captioned the post. “Thank you to our parents and everyone that made this day so magical! Ari Skye Murphy, you are SO loved already!!”

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Excitement around Ari Skye’s arrival had been brewing in the media long before the couple even announced they were expecting. Murphy joked about a potential grandbaby when Jasmin and Eric were dating back in 2024, during an interview with Gayle King.

“They’re both beautiful,” he said. “They look amazing together. And it’s funny — everybody’s like, ‘That baby gonna be funny!’ Like our gene pool is just going to make this funny baby.”

Murphy agreed, saying: “If they ever get married and have a child, I’m expecting the child to be funny.”

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Movie Review: ‘Agon’ is a Somber Meditation on the Athletic Grind

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Movie Review: ‘Agon’ is a Somber Meditation on the Athletic Grind
Director: Giulio BertelliWriters: Giulio Bertelli, Pietro Caracciolo, Pietro CaraccioloStars: Yile Vianello, Alice Bellandi, Michela Cescon Synopsis: As the fictional Olympic Games of Ludoj 2024 approaches, Agon shows the stories of three athletes as they prepare and then compete in rifle shooting, fencing and judo. In his contemplative and visually rigorous film Agon, director Giulio Bertelli
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Bob Spitz proves the Rolling Stones are rock’s greatest band in magnificent new biography

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Bob Spitz proves the Rolling Stones are rock’s greatest band in magnificent new biography

By early 1963, the Station Hotel in London had become an epicenter of the burgeoning British blues scene. On a blustery, snowy night that February, the Rolling Stones’ classic early lineup took the stage for one of the first times, dazzling the audience with ferocious renditions of blues standards like Muddy Waters’ “I Want to Be Loved” and Jimmy Reed’s “Bright Lights, Big City.”

Multi-instrumentalist Brian Jones, the band’s founder and leader, synchronized guitars with Keith Richards, who favored a distinctive slashing and stinging style. Drummer Charlie Watts, the group’s newest member, a jazz aficionado and an accomplished percussionist, propelled the music forward with a rock-solid beat.

Anchoring the rhythm section with him was bassist Bill Wyman, who was recruited more for his spare VOX AC30 amp that the guitarists could plug into than for his musical skills. The stoic bassist proved a strong and innovative player. Together, he and Watts would go on to form one of rock’s most decorated rhythm sections.

Ian Stewart’s energetic boogie-woogie piano style rounded out the sound. Months later, manager Andrew Loog Oldham kicked him out of the band for being “ugly,” although Stewart continued to record, tour and serve as the band’s road manager until his death in 1985.

This April 8, 1964, file photo shows the Rolling Stones during a rehearsal. The members, from left, are Brian Jones, guitar; Bill Wyman, bass; Charlie Watts, drums; Mick Jagger, vocals; and Keith Richards, guitar.

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(Associated Press)

Fronting the group was Mick Jagger. Channeling the music like a crazed shaman, Jagger shimmied and sashayed, owning the stage like few lead singers have before or since. By the end of the night, the Stones had the crowd in a frenzy. Although only 30 people had made it to the gig because of the treacherous weather conditions, the hotel’s booker had seen enough: He offered the Stones a regular gig.

“The Rolling Stones had caught fire. The music they were playing and the way they played it struck a chord with a young crowd starved for something different, something their own… It was soul-stirring, loud and uncompromising,” writes Bob Spitz in “The Rolling Stones: The Biography,” his magisterial work that charts the 60-year journey of “the greatest rock and roll band in the world.”

Spitz, the author of strong biographies on the Beatles and Led Zeppelin, as well as Ronald Reagan and Julia Child, captures the drama, trauma and betrayals that have kept the Stones in the public’s consciousness for more than six decades. It’s all here: The Stones’ evolution from a blues cover band to artistic rival of the Beatles; the musical peaks — “Aftermath,” “Let It Bleed” and “Exile on Main Street” as well as misfires like “Dirty Work”; Keith’s descent into a debilitating heroin addiction that nearly destroyed him and the band; the death of the ‘60s at the ill-fated Altamont free concert; Marianne Faithfull, Anita Pallenberg, Bianca Jagger, Jerry Hall and other lovers, partners and muses; the breakups, makeups and crackups; and perhaps most important, the unbreakable bond between Jagger and Richards at the center of it all.

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Although Spitz unearths little new information, he excels at presenting the Stones in glorious Technicolor. Spitz homes in on the telling details and anecdotes that give the band’s story a deep richness and poignancy.

Take “Satisfaction,” the Stones’ 1965 classic and first U.S. chart topper. The oft-told story is that Richards woke up in the middle of the night, grabbed the guitar that was next to his bed, and recorded the iconic riff and the phrase “I can’t get no … satisfaction” on a cassette recorder in his Clearwater, Fla., hotel room before falling back asleep. But as Spitz notes, the song initially went nowhere in the studio. That is until Stewart purchased a fuzz box for Richards a few days later, which gave the tune a raunchier sound that perfectly matched Jagger’s lyrics of frustration and alienation. A classic was born.

Piercing the Stones mythology

Spitz’s deep reporting often pierces the mythology surrounding the band. Contrary to the popular belief of many fans, for instance, Jones bears much of the responsibility for the rift with his bandmates and his tragic demise.

The most musically adventurous member of the group — he plays sitar on “Paint It Black” and dulcimer on “Lady Jane” — Jones wasn’t a songwriter. That stoked his jealousies and insecurities, along with frontman Jagger stealing the spotlight from him. A monster of a man, Jones impregnated multiple teenage girls and physically and emotionally abused several women, including Pallenberg. Perhaps that’s why she left him for Richards. Over time, Jones made fewer contributions in the studio and onstage, becoming a catatonic drug casualty. The Stones fired Jones in June 1969 but would have been justified doing so a couple years earlier. He drowned in his pool less than a month later.

Author Bob Spitz

Author Bob Spitz

(Elena Seibert)

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Similarly, Stones lore has long romanticized the making of “Exile on Main Street” in the stifling, dingy basement of Richards’ rented Villa Nellcôte in the South of France, where the Stones had decamped to avoid British taxes. In this telling, Richards, deep in the throes of heroin addiction, somehow managed to come up with one indelible riff after another built around his signature open G tuning — taught to him by Ry Cooder — leading the band to create one of the best albums in rock history. That’s not entirely accurate, according to Spitz.

Yes, Richards came up with the licks for “Rocks Off,” “Happy” and “Tumbling Dice.” But it’s equally true that a strung-out Richards missed myriad recording sessions, invited dealers, hangers-on and other distractions to Nellcôte, and repeatedly failed to turn up to write with Jagger. Far from completing the album in the druggy haze of a French basement, the band spent six months on overdubs at Sunset Sound in Los Angeles, where Jagger contributed many of his vocals.

Beatles vs. Stones

One of the more interesting themes Spitz develops is the symbiotic relationship between the Beatles and Stones, with the Fab Four mostly overshadowing them — until they didn’t.

John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote “I Wanna Be Your Man” and gave it to the Stones, whose 1963 rendition, with Jones on slide guitar, became the group’s first UK Top 20 hit. The Lennon-McCartney songwriting partnership inspired Jagger and Richards to begin penning their own songs. In early 1964, the Beatles came to the U.S. for the first time, making television history with their appearance on “The Ed Sullivan Show” and playing Carnegie Hall. A few months later, the Stones kicked off their inaugural American tour at the Swing Auditorium in San Bernardino. In 1967, the Beatles released “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” a psychedelic masterpiece. The Stones responded with “Their Satanic Majesties Request,” a psychedelic mess.

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The Rolling Stones: The Biography cover

The Rolling Stones: The Biography cover

As the Beatles began to splinter, Spitz writes, the Stones sharpened their focus. The band released “Beggars Banquet” in late 1968 and “Let It Bleed” the following year, albums every bit as innovative and visionary as “The White Album” and “Abbey Road.” For the first time, the two groups stood as equals.

When the Beatles broke up in 1970, the Stones kept rolling. With Jones replaced by virtuoso guitarist Mick Taylor — whose fluid, melodic style served as a tasty foil to Richards — they produced what many consider their finest works, “Sticky Fingers” and “Exile on Main Street.” More impressively, the band, with Taylor’s successor, Ronnie Wood, has continued to dazzle audiences with incendiary live shows, touring as recently as 2024 behind the late-career triumph “Hackney Diamonds.” The Beatles, by contrast, retired from the road in 1966 and devoted their energies to the studio.

Hundreds of books have been written about the Rolling Stones, but few sparkle quite like Spitz’s. For anyone who loves or even likes the Stones, it’s indispensable.

Like most of the band’s biographers, Spitz gives short shrift to the post-“Exile” period after 1972. He curtly dismisses 2005’s strong “A Bigger Bang” and 2016’s “Blue & Lonesome,” a back-to-basics album of blues covers, as “adequate endeavors that signaled a band living on borrowed time.” That critique is both off target and under-developed. Spitz ignores the band’s legendary live album, “Brussels Affair,” recorded in 1973, or why the band waited decades before officially releasing it.

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These are small quibbles. Spitz has written a book worthy of its 704-page length; another 50 or so pages covering the later years would have made it even stronger. To quote the Rolling Stones: “I know it’s only rock ‘n roll, but I like it, like it, yes, I do.”

Marc Ballon, a former Times, Forbes and Inc. Magazine reporter, teaches an advanced writing class at USC. He lives in Fullerton.

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