Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I expected Prince Charming at dinner. But then he wouldn’t shut up
I’m walking home when a man, who’s graying and handsome, stops me. “Excuse me,” he says. “You’re gorgeous.” I’m not hallucinating. The fairy tale has come true; my prince has arrived.
It’s the giddy 12-year-old in me who says thank you. It’s also the current me, with all the weight of my 49 years, who gives him my number and tells him to text me by Wednesday so we can have dinner on Friday.
Then I tell everyone: my work buddies, the baker at La Monarca Bakery, the barista at the Starbucks on Occidental, the fruit vendor on the corner of Virgil and West 3rd, and even the Koreatown ahjussi who preps my lunchtime Brussels sprouts.
By Wednesday, as I’m waiting in line at Apollonia’s Pizzeria, I realize Friday dinner is unlikely.
But around 8 p.m. that night, I get a text. Does dinner at Sushi Gen sound good? Yes. Yes? Yes!
We sit atop the planters outside the restaurant while we wait for a table. The conversation is stilted, so I ask him to tell me about his life and I tell him about my job. I love my work, but I’m worried. My boss just left the company, and what is an executive assistant without an executive to assist? Prince Charming snorts and says I’m lucky. He’s looking for a full-time job. I’m too startled by his snort to respond.
He says that he’s sure I’m great at my job. His best friend’s wife does something similar. She’s a shrew. He can tell I’m not.
I think about what it is to be a shrew and what goes into making a woman shrewish. Our table is called before I have the chance to parse through the implications.
Prince Charming launches into his life story right after we’re seated. I don’t tell him anything about me because he never asks and because he never stops talking. I’ve read enough Jane Austen to know his speech is the context for “A Very Important Declaration I Need to Hear.” His grand announcement is this: He’s been working part-time as a driver and at a car dealership since the early aughts while waiting for his big break. Earlier this year, he realized show biz was not for him. It is now time to settle down.
Prince Charming speaks his truth with the same gravity that Kevin Costner used to muster when he rhapsodized over cowboy life on “Yellowstone,” a show Costner claimed he loved but not enough to stay. Prince Charming is sincere. It’s wrong that I struggle to keep a straight face.
I understand we all have aspirations. I once wanted to be a professor. When that fell through and after the end of my first marriage, I wanted to be happy and have a job with benefits that covered my ADHD meds and antidepressants. After my second marriage, I also wanted to feel safe, be unharmed and never again be subject to anyone’s blackout rages.
I don’t tell him this, and it doesn’t matter. Because given the opportunity, I’d rather discuss my current life anyway. My summer is spent at the Hollywood Bowl. Winter and fall is for the L.A. Philharmonic, the L.A. Opera and holiday dinners with friends. Many nights are spent just happily lounging around the house. If I could, I’d like to tell him (and any prospective person) that my life is as good as it has ever been. Would he like to join me?
But my date continues to dominate the conversation throughout dinner, and I never speak of my past or my current life. I don’t mind because the eel is delicious and the cucumber salad is on point.
I’m silently thinking about what my options are if I get fired when I notice he’s staring at me. I lost the conversation’s thread a while back, so I ask him, “Do you travel much?”
My question gives him the opportunity to discuss his last trip to Vietnam. It was difficult, he admits, to stand by silently as his uncle bossed people around because he had more money than they did. He had trouble keeping his mouth shut and showing the proper respect for his elders, mostly because he found their behavior abhorrent.
My interest is piqued. I too have had to negotiate cultural and familial expectations. I was once married to a man who sometimes hit me when he was in a foul mood. In the month after I left him, my sister, a person whom I considered my best friend, invited him for dinner daily even though she knew what he had done. Our relationship frayed permanently the day she kicked me out of her house when I went to pick up her child so we could go to Disneyland.
I understand how difficult it is to negotiate family relations and expectations. But I don’t tell him this either. When he pays for dinner, he tips the waitstaff generously. I’m impressed. I know, my bar is low.
There is a tea shop across the parking lot. As we drink some matcha, he says that right now, all he wants is a job that pays and to feel he’s good at what he does. I understand. The year after I left my marriage, I set down a list of things I needed to do to regain myself — to recoup my life. The primary goal, to feel good about myself again, took about 10 years. At the moment, I really want that for him.
Almost a month later, I got a follow-up text from him inviting me out. I tell him the truth: I can’t because I’m volunteering at StokerCon, the horror literary convention.
But I wish I had texted him something else. At 49, I’ve already made my fairy-tale life come true. With all my heart, I hope he too is able to create the life he wants for himself. He deserves to have his dream come true. Everyone does. I should have said this.
The author is looking for a job and taking allergy shots so that she can one day become a spinster with two cats. She lives in Pasadena. She’s on Instagram: @aledmattoni
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Sunday Puzzle: Pet theory
On-air challenge
Today’s puzzle is called “Pet Theory.” Every answer is a familiar two-word phrase or name in which the first word start starts PE- and the second word starts T-. (Ex. What walkways at intersections carry –> PEDESTRIAN TRAFFIC)
1. Chart that lists all the chemical elements
2. Place for a partridge in “The 12 Days of Christmas”
3. Male voyeur
4. What a coach gives a team during halftime in the locker room
5. Set of questions designed to reveal your traits
6. Something combatants sign to end a war
7. Someone who works with you one-on-one with physical exercises
8. Member of the Who
9. Incisors, canines, and premolars that grow in after you’re a baby
10. Nadia Comaneci was the first gymnast to score this at the Olympics
11. What holds the fuel in a British car
Last week’s challenge
Last week’s challenge was a numerical one from Ed Pegg Jr., who runs the website mathpuzzle.com. Take the nine digits — 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. You can group some of them and add arithmetic operations to get 2011 like this: 1 + 23 ÷ 4 x 5 x 67 – 8 + 9. If you do these operations in order from left to right, you get 2011. Well, 2011 was 15 years ago. Can you group some of the digits and add arithmetic symbols in a different way to make 2026? The digits from 1 to 9 need to stay in that order. I know of two different solutions, but you need to find only one of them.
Challenge answer
12 × 34 × 5 – 6 – 7 + 8 – 9 [or] 1 + 2 + 345 × 6 – 7 × 8 + 9
Winner
Daniel Abramson of Albuquerque, N.M.
This week’s challenge
This week’s challenge comes from listener Ward Hartenstein. Think of a well-known couple whose names are often said in the order of _____ & _____. Seven letters in the names in total. Combine those two names, change an E to an S, and rearrange the result to name another famous duo who are widely known as _____ & _____.
If you know the answer to the challenge, submit it below by Thursday, January 15 at 3 p.m. ET. Listeners whose answers are selected win a chance to play the on-air puzzle.
Lifestyle
Paul Gripp, one of the last great orchid explorers and hybridizers, dies at 93
After retirement, Paul Gripp still visited the nursery often, helping with weeding, as he’s doing here in this file photo, or just talking with customers.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
Orchid expert Paul Francis Gripp, a renowned orchid breeder, author and speaker who traveled the world in search of unusual varieties for his nursery, Santa Barbara Orchid Estates, died in a Santa Barbara hospice center on Jan. 2 after a short illness. He was 93.
In a Facebook post on Jan. 4, Gripp’s sister, Toni Gripp Brink, said her brother died “after suffering a brain hemorrhage and loss of consciousness in his longtime Santa Barbara home. He was surrounded by his loving family, day and night, for about a week in a Santa Barbara hospice before he passed.”
Gripp was renowned in the orchid world for his expertise, talks and many prize-winning hybrids such as the Santa Barbara Sunset, a striking Laelia anceps and Laeliocattleya Ancibarina cross with rich salmon, peach and magenta hues that was bred to thrive outside in California’s warmer climes.
In a 2023 interview, Gripp’s daughter, Alice Gripp, who owns and operates the business also known as SBOE with her brother, Parry, said Santa Barbara Sunset is still one of the nursery’s top sellers.
Santa Barbara Sunset is one of the most popular orchids that Paul Gripp bred at his famed orchid nursery, Santa Barbara Orchid Estates a.k.a. SBOE.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
Gripp was a popular speaker, author and avid storyteller who talked about his experiences searching for orchids in the Philippines, Myanmar (then known as Burma), India, the high Andes, Mexico, Guatemala, Brazil, New Guinea and other parts of the world, fostering exchanges with international growers and collecting what plants he could to propagate, breed and sell in his Santa Barbara nursery.
“Working in orchids has been like living in a dream,” Gripp said in a 2023 interview. “There’s thousands of different kinds, and I got to travel all over to find things people would want. But the first orchid I found? It was in Topanga Creek, Epipactis gigantea, our native orchid, and you can still find them growing in [California’s] streams and canyons today.”
Gripp was “one of the last orchid people who went looking for these plants in situ — where they occurred in nature,” said Lauris Rose, one of his former employees who is now president of the Santa Barbara International Orchid Show and owner of Cal-Orchid Inc., a neighboring nursery that she started with her late husband James Rose, another SBOE employee who died in January 2025.
These days, Rose said in an interview on Thursday, orchids are considered “something to enhance the beauty of your home,” but when she and her husband first began working with Gripp in the 1970s, “they were something that totally captivated your interest and instilled a wanderlust spirit that made you want to explore the species in the plant kingdom, as they grew in nature, not as produced in various colors from laboratories.”
She said Gripp’s charm and self-deprecating demeanor also helped fuel his success. “People flocked for the experience of walking around that nursery and learning things from him,” Rose said in a 2023 interview.
“Paul lectured all over the world, teaching people about different species of orchids in a very accessible way,” Rose said. “He didn’t act like a professor. He got up there with anecdotes like, ‘One time I climbed up this tree trying to reach a plant in another tree, and all these red ants infested my entire body, so I had to take off all my clothes and rub all these ants off my body.’ A lot of people’s lectures are boring as dirt, but Paul could command a room. He had charisma, and it was infectious.”
Gripp was born on Oct. 18, 1932, in Greater Los Angeles and grew up in Topanga Canyon. He went to Santa Monica College and then UCLA, where he earned a degree in horticulture, and worked as a gardener on weekends, primarily for Robert J. Chrisman, a wealthy Farmers Insurance executive and hobbyist orchid grower who lived in Playa del Rey.
After college, Gripp served a stint in the Navy after the Korean War, and when he got out, he called Chrisman, his old boss, who invited him to come to Santa Barbara and manage the orchid nursery he was starting there.
After retirement, Paul Gripp still visited the nursery often, helping with weeding, as he’s doing here in this file photo, or just talking with customers.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
The nursery opened in 1957, with Gripp as its manager, and 10 years later, after Chrisman died, he purchased SBOE from the Chrisman family.
In 1986, Gripp and his then-wife, Anne Gripp, divorced. In the settlement, Gripp got their cliff-side Santa Barbara home with its breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean, and his former wife got the nursery. When Anne Gripp died, her children Parry and Alice inherited the nursery and took over its operation in 1994, Alice Gripp said in 2023.
Gripp officially retired from the nursery, but he was a frequent helper several times a week, weeding, dividing plants, answering customer questions and regaling them with his orchid-hunting stories.
“Paul loves plants, but what he loves most in life is teaching other people about orchids,” Alice Gripp said in 2023. “He chats with them, and I try to take their money.”
Gripp wasn’t a huge fan of the ubiquitous moth orchids (Phalaenopsis) sold en masse in most grocery store floral departments, but he was philosophical about their popularity.
They’re good for indoor plants, he said in 2023, but don’t expect them to live very long. “A house is a house, not a jungle,” he said, “so there’s a 99% chance they’re going to die. But they’re pretty cheap [to buy], so it works out pretty good.”
“He used to say, ‘I’m an orchid man. I love every orchid equally,’ and he does,” his daughter said in 2023. “I don’t know if he would run into a burning building to save a Phalaenopsis from Trader Joe’s, but he told me once, ‘I’ve never thrown out a plant.’ And that’s probably true. When he was running things, the aisles were so crammed people were always knocking plants off the benches because they couldn’t walk through.”
Gripp is survived by his children and his second wife, Janet Gripp, as well as his sister Toni Gripp Brink. In a post on the nursery’s website on Jan. 5, the Gripp family asked for privacy.
“We are still very much grieving Paul’s sudden passing,” the message read. “If you would like to share your memories of Paul, please send them by mail or email for us to read in the days to come. We will welcome your remembrances and gather these into a scrapbook to keep at SBOE. We appreciate your understanding of our need for peaceful reflection at this time. In the coming weeks, we will announce our plans for honoring and remembering Paul with our orchid friends.”
Lifestyle
Veteran actor T.K. Carter, known for ‘The Thing’ and ‘Punky Brewster,’ dies at 69
Actor TK Carter arrives for the premiere of “The LA Riot” at the Tribeca Film Festival, Monday, April 25, 2005, in New York.
Mary Altaffer/AP
hide caption
toggle caption
Mary Altaffer/AP
DUARTE, Calif. — Veteran actor T.K. Carter, who appeared in the horror film “The Thing” and “Punky Brewster” on television, has died at the age of 69.
Carter was declared dead Friday evening after deputies responded to a call regarding an unresponsive male in Duarte, California, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.
Police did not disclose a cause of death or other details, but said no foul play was suspected.
Thomas Kent “T.K.” Carter was born Dec. 18, 1956, in New York City and was raised in Southern California.
He began his career in stand-up comedy and with acting roles. Carter had been acting for years before a breakthrough role as Nauls the cook in John Carpenter’s 1982 horror classic, “The Thing.” He also had a recurring role in the 1980s sitcom “Punky Brewster.”
Other big-screen roles include “Runaway Train” in 1985, “Ski Patrol” in 1990 and “Space Jam” in 1996.
“T.K. Carter was a consummate professional and a genuine soul whose talent transcended genres,” his publicist, Tony Freeman, said in a statement. “He brought laughter, truth, and humanity to every role he touched. His legacy will continue to inspire generations of artists and fans alike.”
-
Detroit, MI1 week ago2 hospitalized after shooting on Lodge Freeway in Detroit
-
Technology5 days agoPower bank feature creep is out of control
-
Dallas, TX3 days agoAnti-ICE protest outside Dallas City Hall follows deadly shooting in Minneapolis
-
Delaware3 days agoMERR responds to dead humpback whale washed up near Bethany Beach
-
Dallas, TX7 days agoDefensive coordinator candidates who could improve Cowboys’ brutal secondary in 2026
-
Iowa5 days agoPat McAfee praises Audi Crooks, plays hype song for Iowa State star
-
Health1 week agoViral New Year reset routine is helping people adopt healthier habits
-
Montana1 day agoService door of Crans-Montana bar where 40 died in fire was locked from inside, owner says